cr995

This is not the first time I've been here. Over the last three decades things have come to a head with AH and I've told him to leave - which he did. ( On some occassions - he just left.)

Now again I told him I could not be with him while he drank and behaved the way he had been behaving - the difference is he got a GF.

And yet when I ask myself am I any more hurt now than I was any of the previous times - the answer honestly has to be No. I am very hurt and yet U don't know why. I told myself I felt betrayed he could be with another woman. And they could do this so easily and yet I remember feeling I was making no progress in previous years when we apart.

When my daughter was a baby he left and I made zero progress during the whole year he was gone.

I feel that I have not really accepted that the problem is a disease called alcoholism. I keep saying why does he do this or that - yet if I accept he's been controlled by a disease then surely that should be the answer. Maybe I'm mad cos I feel he's trying to say well the problem is not a disease - cos I can get this other woman to live with me so Ha! and whatever pain she is about to feel or the fact that she will get sick and hurt also - really does not benefit me at all! I'm sick of feeling so bad. Sick of it!

How do we I/ stop this pain?

amityville

the problem is him disease or no disease, he is the common denominator here...every time, he walks out or you throw him out, it's all him. i would let him do what he wants and kick him out for the last time, i spent four yrs with my xa, i cant even imagine what 30 years must feel like, but i would try to just cut him out before he does any more damage to you, you deserve real happiness for yourself xox

Shadydeal

I don't get it either! Nor can I or do I want to I know what 30 years of pain feels like bc your right.....it's damn painful! I certainly don't have the answers but I do have compassion for you! I hope that healing will flow your way - it's time!

kthopkt

I have never dated and addict but I have seen how an addict, my brother, has treated the women in his life & he treats them all the same.

They always fight so hard to keep him around & I just dont' understand it. I think they feel like they can somehow change him because somehow they are better than the others. But the sad truth is that until he is ready to change, none of the women in his life is ever going to be meaningful.

You did the right thing by leaving & if you are like my brother's ex-girlfriends, you will never fully be able to understand why you weren't loved & cared for like you deserve. FYI: you ex's current girlfriend will eventually end up feeling just like you are right now.

ZiggyB

The only way I could think of to stop the pain was to remove him from my life... as much as possible anyway

amityville

that's important to remember, what kthopkt is saying, there's a lot there that never will make sense.
it's only natural to question ourselves and look for explanations for why we were treated like that. but i'm just trying to accept that what happened never will make sense because it wasn't a normal situation or behaviour to begin with.
you are not to blame for any of this, all you've done was your best, and he doesn't deserve that. be good to yourself xox