despicableme

Hi everyone

First off I'd like to apologize in advance for the rambling in this post near with me! I am going through very bad withdrawals today. I have spent the last 7 out of my short 21 years on this earth under the influence of drugs. Whether it be alcohol or some other depressant. I did a pretty good job at hiding my alcoholism and depression from my family, but the majority of friends and co-workers knew I had a problem. I have never been able to drink "normally". I either get extremely sad or turn into a violent monster trying to hurt everyone around me & myself. Around summer time I spent 13 weeks in a psych unit and outpatient rehab. I ended up staying sober for 25 days, but ended up relapsing and getting worse than I was before hand. I've lost everything I had. I have turned all my friends and family against me, was fired from 6 jobs in 2012, drained all of my bank accounts, my car is getting repossessed, and I am facing eviction. I am fed up with myself and my addiction to alcohol. I realize that if I want things to change that I can absolutely not drink, but I am afraid I'm not strong enough to do it. I haven't drank in a little less than 24 hours..only bc I have no way to buy more liquor. I am looking for support and hope I came to the right place. I use to browse around these forums a few years ago but never posted. Sorry for blabbing on! I hope everyone is having a good day!

amandy

Why dont you start with, "What positive things does drinking provide me?" I would get serious right now, and use the lack of income as a clean start. Don't start borrowing money/pawning things to buy booze, pay off some bills and alleviate some of the stress. I'm positive it will help. Get responsible in certain areas and it will only promote positive change.

Eliz181144

You're not despicable. You're human and struggling and very young. You can do this. Have you read Tweak or We All Fall Down? Easy reads and may distract you from yourself.

Coldfusion

Hi me,

And I mean that... Your are just like me, and just about everyone else on this forum. We are not alone--it's just that we hide in fear and addiction. You would never know how many of us there are. We mostly try not to be noticed, because others tell us what we do is illegal and wrong.

Just for today, we are sober.

Coldfusion

PS--see that little "Thanks" button on the lower right ☞? If you click on that, we know you have read the post. Later on, it means you appreciate or agree with what is posted, but for now please just tell us you are still here.

Thanks,

Me

escapist

You have no where to go but up at this point. The first 24 hours are hard. To be honest a lot of it is hard but I promise you it does get easier. You have some real problems to deal with. You will handle them better if you stay sober. You are sick not despicable you just feel despicable. Your self confidence will rise as you stay sober. Thanks for posting. You are helping others when you do.

ScottFromWI

The most important thing is that you have to decide that this is the time and that you want to quit. You have your entire adult life ahead of you so you can do ANYTHING you want. Literally, the sky is the limit. You realize you have to stop drinking, but you have to decide that you are going to quit for yourself. A great step to share your story, continue to read and write here for support.

despicableme

Thank you everyone. Still sober! I didn't know I was getting one last paycheck from my last place of employment so that will help a lot. I'm only worried that I'll blow it on the wrong stuff. I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement. Last time I tried to get sober(in outpatient treatment) I was only doing it to get my family off my back, but this time I want to do it for myself. I want my sanity back! Hope you all are doing good today!

BlueEyedBoy

Yay for still being sober! You can do it. You are incredibly brave-not sure I could have sorted myself out at 21. Do you think anything like AA may help? I found it massively supportive in my very early days (and still do now!)

vegibean

Please go do the right thing with that check!!! If there is one thing you can salvage (your car at least), please do it.

I have been to the very bottom just like you, and it's not going to get any better, it's just going to get worse. I hope you can find a local AA/NA meeting. I don't know what area you are in, but check out 211.org and put in your city and state, call them, they can help you also, and they have counselors 24/7 to talk to you.

Good luck!

despicableme

Thank you! I plan on doing the right thing I refuse to lose the roof over my head because of alcohol. I used to be pretty active in AA even though I wasn't sober the entire time. There are lots of great meetings in Springfield...plan on going tonight!

Dee74

that sounds like a great plan DM

I think most of us feel we're not strong enough - it's just self doubt - our addiction loves that.

Support really helps

D

least

I wish I'd gotten sober at your age instead of waiting til I was in my fifties. At least this way you won't be making any bad memories to haunt you in your older years.

CaiHong

Good for you,
Keep that roof over your head, get to a meeting and keep posting. Gladto hear you are doing it for yourself this time. Good attitude.

CaiHong