DisplacedGRITS

i relapsed after getting back home from the holidays. i just didn't fall back into my old groove. i haven't been right since i went through a time back in December when my doctor's office dicked around with me on a refill request and i went through withdrawals on one of my meds before it finally got refilled. i'm a mess right now. i haven't gone back to vodka but i've been chugging wine. i'm trying to get back to my old, sober self. it's so hard to admit that i've relapsed but i know what happened. i got other focused in a lot of things and i'm pulling myself back. the worst thing is that i'm going to have to admit my relapse to my husband and i'm terrified that he's going to make me put off our baby plans for July. i'm going to tell him and have faith that he'll keep us on track. i can get it back together and July is a long time for me to get my sh*t back together. so i had nearly 10 months. i had it. i can get it back. thanks for being here for me, everyone. i needed to come clean here and get honest again. it feels good. it feels really good. the next few days are going to suck but i'm ready. i'm just not ready for tonight. i'm so sad to have let my husband down but i'm more sad that i let myself down. tell me i can do it, y'all. tell me he will still love me. tell me he will forgive me and tell me i can forgive myself because right now, i'm not happy with me. i'm hurting inside and out and reaching out for the help i need.

Sapling

You were doing well in AA Grits...maybe you should consider going back.

DisplacedGRITS

i am, Sapling.

escapist

So sorry to read this DG. Of course you can come back. You already have what it takes. You have done it before. I don't know your husband. He may know you are drinking again. Maybe he is waiting on you to tell him. Try not to worry too much about the unknown. That always drives me crazy. Most of the time my "predictions" are off the mark anyway. Take care.

Sapling

Be honest with them as well as with your husband....I think you'll find nothing but open arms....I'm glad you're back Grits...I have a few friends that aren't doing so well right now.

DisplacedGRITS

well, i let him know. it's easier to do it over a text. i just can't face him. my heart is hurting so much.

sissy07

DG,

I am so sorry to read this. I have relapsed twice in the past after years of sobriety....I got back on track (after a few years of hell each time). I am glad you are stopping right now. You know it doesn't get any easier to quit, and meanwhile.....oh, you know all of this. YOU CAN DO THIS.

Pataphor

Remember to be kind to yourself...thats really really hard I know. But showing yourself some kindness can help get you out of that trapped spiral of shame. You showed up. You admitted you need help. Eat well and sleep as much as you can. You just need a little time under your belt.

DisplacedGRITS

my husband has the most beautiful and forgiving heart of any person i've ever known. i'm so glad he's on my team. Team Lisa is back up. we took a hard sack but i know we can throw and make the first down. then we just gotta move the ball downfield for the touchdown again. we got this. i got a strong team with great players and i'm not a half bad QB.

/yes, it's the Postseason. Go Pack Go!

mecanix

I hope you get out of alcohell asap GRITS get back to what was working .

Bestwishes, M

EternalQ

It is so very smart of you to get back on the road before you got too lost, Dg.

You got confused and scared and took a wrong turn out of desperation. Turn around and get back on the main road and pick up where you were. Otherwise too many wrong turns will have you really lost and feeling even more desperate.

Give this experience some value and dignity by learning from it.

Heraclitus said We never step into the same river twice. You are not the person you were the first time you got sober. You are a lot changed from that person.

Let the changes and strengths you gained from becoming sober before, be your guide now.

SoberBella1

Dg sorry about your relapse. You are not alone. Pick yourself up & get back to what was working for you. Do not beat yourself up. We are all here for you.

Jeni26

DG, I'm so impressed by your bravery and honesty in admitting what has happened to your husband and by coming back here.

You lost your way for a while. Plenty do. What is important now is that you get back on track. Reflect on the events that led you back, and learn from it.

You were doing great, and you can get back on top.

Sending you a big hug xxx

FreeFall

DG so glad you were able to tell your husband and he's supportive and loving-sometimes that can make all the difference. You can do this! Be thinking of that baby to be and make it a reality-can't think of a better reason to quit than that.

Dee74

I'm really glad you're back on the right road L...it's so easy to get lost.

D

hypochondriac

Sorry to hear this DG but you are strong and can do this! You have always been honest and hardworking on your recovery so there's no reason why you can't get back on track. Massive hugs xxx

Hevyn

Hi DG. Well, I know you can do it - because I once had 3 yrs. & relapsed for 7 yrs. After that length of time you'd think it would be hopeless - but it wasn't. That's when I found SR.

Of course you can regain your sobriety and feel wonderful about everything again. This time there'll be a happy ending. Glad you came clean about it - we all care.

jobei

Hey DG! I pray for the best for you! You can most certainly live without alcohol in your life, you've proved that to yourself. Since you began drinking again, is it like you remembered before you quit? Or is it different?