I found real Hope
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
I found real Hope
Sooooo before I came to AA my whole life was centered around drinking and drugging.
I really had very little energy for anything or anyone else. It was like a full time job .
I was also very much alone I lived to serve my alcoholism
I walked through my fear and went into detox and then to lotsa meetings .
I learned to listen .
It is so important to listen in the beginning and to relate to feelings instead of actions
cuz there will be people who have done worse things and some who have not .
Usually the feelings are the same though,hopelessness in the beginning, doubt, fear, shame .
But remember we all had to go to our first meeting so if you just came in I can empathize with you on so many levels .
You are not alone. This is a we program, we do this together .
I had to surrender that pride and ask for help when I was hurting, when I wanted to drink in the beginning. I am responsible for my own recovery no one else .
I still have to ask for help even when I sometimes think I am ok .
I just had to grab a little bit of that hope that was offered and run with it .
Just believing that this AA program definitely is working for others and it could work for me too if I am willing .
I took suggestions and I quit fighting recovery. I have had to really get honest about my alcoholism and all the ways it was manifesting itself
I finally got off the pity pot .
I have real hope again and I now see the newcomers coming thru the door and I want to let them know that this program can work .
I want to tell them what didn't work for me this last yr or so, when I relapsed .
I want to share the hope with them that was shared with me. That they never have to be alone again .
Promises are on page 83-84 in Big Book. I won't quote whole page but it says if we are painstaking about this phase of our recovery we will be amazed before we are halfway through .
cont.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.We will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it .We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know. peace .
I have had many spiritual awakenings in this program. many ahh haa moments
where I am amazed . I have also back slidden, but still learned .
But I am only a failure if I give up and I am not willing to give up .
Today I woke up with a big smile on my face. I thought back to 11 mo ago when I tried to commit suicide and couldn't stand waking up in the morning. I slept for 22 hrs a day and ended up in a nursing home for 2 mo with atrophy completely without use of arms , legs and speech, in a diaper and on a feeding tube .
I have been fully restored .
When you are in that depression it seems like it will never get better but I am here to tell you it does. I lost everything to my alcoholism, but it wasn't as important as losing myself .
I am finding myself today .
My deepest needs are being met. That hole inside is now being filled with my higher power and good thoughts about all of you daily .
So this program is saving my life and I am not alone any more.You don't have to be either. Need a friend? I am here . God Bless you all. We can do this together.
I really had very little energy for anything or anyone else. It was like a full time job .
I was also very much alone I lived to serve my alcoholism
I walked through my fear and went into detox and then to lotsa meetings .
I learned to listen .
It is so important to listen in the beginning and to relate to feelings instead of actions
cuz there will be people who have done worse things and some who have not .
Usually the feelings are the same though,hopelessness in the beginning, doubt, fear, shame .
But remember we all had to go to our first meeting so if you just came in I can empathize with you on so many levels .
You are not alone. This is a we program, we do this together .
I had to surrender that pride and ask for help when I was hurting, when I wanted to drink in the beginning. I am responsible for my own recovery no one else .
I still have to ask for help even when I sometimes think I am ok .
I just had to grab a little bit of that hope that was offered and run with it .
Just believing that this AA program definitely is working for others and it could work for me too if I am willing .
I took suggestions and I quit fighting recovery. I have had to really get honest about my alcoholism and all the ways it was manifesting itself
I finally got off the pity pot .
I have real hope again and I now see the newcomers coming thru the door and I want to let them know that this program can work .
I want to tell them what didn't work for me this last yr or so, when I relapsed .
I want to share the hope with them that was shared with me. That they never have to be alone again .
Promises are on page 83-84 in Big Book. I won't quote whole page but it says if we are painstaking about this phase of our recovery we will be amazed before we are halfway through .
cont.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.We will not regret the past or wish to shut the door on it .We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know. peace .
I have had many spiritual awakenings in this program. many ahh haa moments
where I am amazed . I have also back slidden, but still learned .
But I am only a failure if I give up and I am not willing to give up .
Today I woke up with a big smile on my face. I thought back to 11 mo ago when I tried to commit suicide and couldn't stand waking up in the morning. I slept for 22 hrs a day and ended up in a nursing home for 2 mo with atrophy completely without use of arms , legs and speech, in a diaper and on a feeding tube .
I have been fully restored .
When you are in that depression it seems like it will never get better but I am here to tell you it does. I lost everything to my alcoholism, but it wasn't as important as losing myself .
I am finding myself today .
My deepest needs are being met. That hole inside is now being filled with my higher power and good thoughts about all of you daily .
So this program is saving my life and I am not alone any more.You don't have to be either. Need a friend? I am here . God Bless you all. We can do this together.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
This a lovely post Deeker. I'm glad you are recovering. I found solace in Narcotics Anonymous. There's something majestically wonderful about the fact we all follow the same guidelines and principles in our lives.
Natom.
Natom.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by deeker 
I was also very much alone I lived to serve my alcoholism
That's a good way to put it. The rest of my life was just punching the clock waiting til I could get drunk again. That was my real life, the rest was a dream.
lol.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
Thank you for your post D - very inspiring and you sound like you are in a good place. Keep doing the work and more shall be revealed, as they say, and as you continue your journey through recovery you will keep growing and the miracles will get more apparent. At least this has been my experience so far. AA is awesome. Sobriety is too.
Natom, you're so refreshing. Lol
Natom, you're so refreshing. Lol
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Recovery isn't all doom and gloom. If you are working it probably it will be the best thing that has ever happened to you. I'm not really a ninja though unfortunately. My addiction is, but luckily recovery is an anti-ninja spray.
Natom.
Natom.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I have real hope again and I now see the newcomers coming thru the door and I want to let them know that this program can work .
I want to tell them what didn't work for me this last yr or so, when I relapsed .
I want to share the hope with them that was shared with me. That they never have to be alone again .
I want to tell them what didn't work for me this last yr or so, when I relapsed .
I want to share the hope with them that was shared with me. That they never have to be alone again .
That's an awesome post....Sounds like you are getting it. I'm not a newcomer....But I'm not an old timer either....Maybe you can tell me what didn't work for you the last year....Maybe you can help someone else not make the same mistakes.
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