ivegotsunshine

Having dinner with my husband tonight reminded me once again that he doesn't really understand my alcohol addiction.
When I was drinking I was able to cover up the severity and amount of my drinking. Wed get home from a night out drinking and I would stay up and polish off 3-4 more beers or whatever while he went to bed. I didn't drink everyday but I drank more days than I didn't. Anyways the point is, I'm newly married and am making. A very big personal change. I fear somehow he may not love me as much when I'm sober, but I fear more that I may not love him the same either... its just a fear. I've loved him since the first day I saw him, just another thing I've been thinking about.
What I decided today is, like it or not, I can't do this without some extra help. I guess its time for a meeting.... I'm just anxious about seeing patients. I'm in the healthcare field and have close long term relationships with patients. I know Aa Is not about passing judgement. And its anonymous but no one can honesty tell me that all of that sticks. I know first hand it doesn't.... I also know i need it so I guess its time. Goal for next week, go to a meeting. Blech.
I think it brings a whole new reality to choosing sobriety. Like if I decide to go to a meeting, its me moving further away from my life with drinking into a life I know very little aabout. Its a bit scary but certainly no worse than the alternative.
Yeesh

Lunetta

I feel you. My husband has an idea of what's going on but doesn't really know. I do know he likes me better sober than drunk. I think you two will be fine, the worries are part of removing alcohol out of your/our lives and I believe it will get better the longer we don't drink. I feel the exact same way about AA meetings (seeing people I know, not really being anonymous, etc) but I feel like i need to go as well, even if it's totally wrong for me just to see what it's all about. The whole idea of going really freaks me out though.

Natom

Our partners and family never really have any idea of what is going on in our lives regarding our addiction. I used to be really annoyed my family didn't understand anything about it. But why would they. They're not the addicts. I just learn to accept that. It's pretty hard but I found that with time it gets easier. Also if you are worried about being 'noticed' in AA go to one a little while from you, as long as you get to one.

Natom.

MythOfSisyphus

Natom is right- the only people that really "get it" are other addicts. The first time I told anyone that I quit was when my brother and I went camping the last time. We always used to take a bunch of booze and get smashed by the campfire. Well, he had only brought a six pack and asked me where my wine was and I told him I was cool with him drinking but I couldn't do it anymore. At first he said, "well, maybe down the road you'll be able to just have a couple". Yeah, right! I told him I couldn't remember a time in the last twenty years that I just wanted "a couple", I always drank to get plastered. Over the last few months I think maybe he's getting an inkling of the crushing weight of addiction that I've had to carry for the last couple decades.

At any rate, you have to do this for you! You won't be good to anyone, not even yourself, if you don't save your life by putting down the bottle. Be selfish now to be selfless later.

Threshold

Non addicts don't understand, which is why a site like SR is SO awesome. I don't have to constantly try to find language to describe it, or keep apologizing etc. It's such a relief. It's so amazing to be able to relate.

Wow, I understand the worry that you might not love/like your husband when you are sober. Very insightful, and yes, quite possible. I didn't realize just how much me trying to suck it up and "be happy" with what i got and my circumstances in life...led me to drink and drug. I guess I thought I could numb myself into accepting any conditions.

In the end, I am the only person I am guaranteed to spend the rest of my life with. SO...I have to be able to live with myself. I am better able to do that sober, to grieve my losses and get on with life. Drinking and drugging kept me stuck. Grief is something we get through and move on, but if we stay mired in booze and drugs, we never get anywhere.

Lionhearted1

worrying that he may not love you or you may not love him as much now your sober is just your addiction talking to you, you are who you are drinking or not!!

doggonecarl

The only person that has to understand your alcohol addiction is you.

I got sober nine months into my marriage. Like you, I was able to drink (a lot) after my spouse went to bed. My wife didn't think I had a drinking problem, but I don't think she wishes I drank. I was a brooding, angry person. Now, I am a more patient, understanding person and a better husband because I not focused on drinking and my personal demons.

ivegotsunshine

Thanks everyone. It certainly is a battle. I was doing some mindless work today andwas in a fantastic mood. All of a sudden this little voice came into my head. It was my liver and it said"Oooh you should go grab a drink after work with the girls..." but instead I came home to am empty house and danced my butte off. it feels good to feel good.! Loving my new life A

sober4metoday

I can totally relate!! I was worried about my relationship as well. Unfortunately, I don't have a very supportive partner. Not that he tries to make me drink but he still throws in jabs every so often about my past mistakes and in fights still calls me a drunk. Turns out...when I got sober I was no longer the needy insecure woman who took the abuse because I felt I deserved it (the verbal attacks actually made me feel "better" in some weird twisted way). Long story short, I'm obviously still with him but my patience is running thin. Yes, I made mistakes when I drank - I was rude, selfish, I would sleep the day away, I ruined trips, dinners, special events because I drank too much and made a fool of myself. YES, I DID IT! But darn it I stopped doing it! This guy just doesn't seem to get it or want to get it. I think he actually like me better when I was weaker. And here I thought that he would like me more after I got sober! Totally opposite of what actually happened. He just seems pissed at me all the time. Was it always like that but I just didn't see it? Or felt I deserved it? Who knows. And honestly I'm tired of trying to figure it out.

So...will you like him more or less? Will he like you more or less? Hard to say. But at least with whichever way it goes it's your sober mind making that decision instead of one with, perhaps, clouded judgement.

Sapling

Take a look around this forum at the people that are living without alcohol for years from working the program of AA. I don't think they would be doing it if it wasn't a far better life....I know I wouldn't. The first thing that gave me hope was going to a meeting and listening to people that had been sober 20, 30, 40 years......I can't afford to go back to drinking....I won't live through it. I'm doing what they did.