amandy

For those who are sober, can I ask why controlling your drinking never worked? I'm open to hearing stories etc.

What attempts were made? Did you try certain processes, make certain rules for yourself that in turn got broken?

I am imagining most people tried some method of controlling, but I want to know why in the end quitting was the only option.

Thank you

ScottFromWI

To me, your question is the crux of what makes the difference between an alcoholic and non-alcoholic. An alcoholic cannot stop drinking or control drinking no matter what rules/processes are put in place. Eventually the desire to drink overrides any rule, whether it's a limitation on time, amount, place etc...

escapist

I have never been able to stop without horrible withdrawal. Be it mental or physical. Withdrawal is unbearable. Drinking alleviates the agony.

fatherof2ds

I am only on day 3, but I can tell you why I came. I have accepted I do not have any control.

I have made any number of rules, I have asked friends to help me live by them, nothing has worked. Then 3 days ago I crossed a line that I swore I would never cross, which made me realize I don't have control and probably never did.

bbthumper

I had a strange mental obsession with alcohol. I made many choices to quit. I made many attempts to control, but inevitably ended up drunk. An alcoholic of my type will, at certain times, experience a strange mental blank spot in which all reasons to not drink are cast aside usually for an absurd reason which makes complete sense at the time.
I tried drinking only on weekends, not drinking in the morning, drinking only certain types of alcohol, limiting the amount I was drinking, taking benzos in place of alcohol to name a few. The only relief I have found is permanent sobriety through AA.

BillyPilgrim

Because I always wanted another drink.
If you don't get the taste for one you don't want another

Jeni26

I never wanted to drink moderately...I just wanted to get drunk.

I never pretended that 1 or 2 would be enough.

If there was half a bottle of wine in my fridge, it would be left untouched. What would be the point?

hamabi

My list of attempts at doing what I couldn't do was a very long one, and fairly creative as accomplishing this was very often vitally important to me and often to others who had an investment in my success.

I had an amazing flash of insight after failing at this often through each of the last 9 years I drank, that it wasn't going to happen for me. That I couldn't expect that any more than to wake up with a different eye color or blood type. I gave up the fantasy.

I'm not sure why I understood this so early on when so many of us miss the lesson of what the reality of their experiences over the past also indicates for their future. Most of us realize it at points but then after some time without a drink no longer believe ourselves correct back when we made those cleareyed decisions based on the facts.

We come to be absolutely sure we now see things correctly as opposed to when we most recently stopped, and can now moderate based on new and improved ideas, unlike those we drank on before that didn't work out well.

It only means we need to run around the track again to regain even the temporary clarity we formerly had. Most alcoholics live out their lives in this manner; digging that rut ever deeper with each lap, making it more difficult to climb out of.

MIRecovery

Freshstart57 introduced me to this thread. Very interested info on controlled drinking

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...stability.html

TrixMixer

Dream ON_______________

Sorry amandy, If we could control our drinking we would not be alcoholics. We would be Mr. Smith having ONE cocktail at the club before dinner with his lovely wife and three beautiful children. Driving home SOBER. LOL!

2granddaughters

There is an older lady in our home group who shone a light on this question better than I had heard before.

She said that if she chose to have another drink it would be like choosing to have sex with a gorilla.
She knows it wouldn't be over until the gorilla said it was over.

All the best.

Bob R

Jeni26

2granddaughters-that made me laugh so much!!

soberlicious

because for me, quitting is so much easier. Moderating takes way too much work, and then sucks because I don't want to moderately drink, I want to get drunk, or least have a pretty tight buzz. The confines of moderate drinking don't allow for that.

Not drinking at all means I don't think, obsess, plan, restrict, manage, monitor....trying to figure all that out leaves little time for anything else. F*ck that...not interested in all that work...call me lazy LOL but abstinence is way easier.

FreeFall

I tried only drinking on weekends. Didn't work, too many occasions fell on non weekends.

I tried only keeping it to 3 drinks max. Didn't work-once I'd had 3 my alcoholic brain would take over and let me know I could have more, and I did.

I tried only drinking if I weren't driving. Didn't work-too many occasions required driving to get there.

I tried only drinking beer, which I hate. Made me miserable, didn't work, back to the hard stuff.

I tried stopping for a month. Did work, stopped, and then felt great so felt I could drink again. I didn't have a problem if I could stop for a month right?

For me, stopping entirely was much easier. I was like Jeni-no point in drinking if you weren't going to get drunk. Moderation was just a tease and very ineffective. I never controlled it, it controlled me. Not anymore!

Hevyn

Hi amandy. Welcome to SR.

I drank for 30 yrs. In the beginning (my 20's) it was all fun and relaxation. At one point I felt it enhanced my life & helped with shyness. By the time I was in my 30's the amounts I drank - & the frequency - had changed radically. It was no longer just on weekends. In my 40's I was drinking every night and sometimes the next morning, to avoid shaking & a hangover. I had crossed the line from social to alcoholic drinking, & was completely dependent on it.

All through those years I vowed hundreds of times to control what I drank. I was desperate to not give it up all together. In trying to moderate, I put myself through hell. Every promise, every plan - failed. Once that first drink hit my system, all bets were off. No amount of willpower worked, and the 'plan' to just have a few was forgotten. I did dangerous & unpredictable things when I drank, and almost lost my life proving I couldn't touch it ever again. I wish I hadn't been such a slow learner.

theend22

plenty of so called alcoholics returns to controlled drinking every day. just because you personally dont have the will power to do it does not mean you can label everyone else and say for certain what will or will not happen.

honestly the one rule cookie cutter thought process of people on here is frightening.

me personally i drank 2l of vodka every day for 2 years. nowadays after putting in a lot of time sober and achieving new life goals i can 2 or 3 pints at the pub on a saturday night and be fine, i never feel no need to drink more than this anymore. im sure now a bunch of obsessed paranoid people will jump on me for that and say im playing with fire, but imo their obsession with fighting moderation is more dangerous than my choice. i dont even think about alcohol anymore whereas they are obsessed with condemning it. and obsession never ends well.

Itchy

If moderation worked, none of us would be here. Aside from personal experience you can rest assured that millions have done their best to try to make it work. But we can't have our cake, and eat it too. You can take that to the bank and draw interest on it. Today, that is saying something!

TrixMixer

Really!!! WHO ARE YOU! You may be on the wrong thread this is for alcoholics!!....and I can see how proud you are of that post!!

hamabi

Don't let other people's experience throw you, and just enjoy yourself.

I agree that after being sober for a time because drinking had gotten so bad that many people go back to drinking and do ok for a while. Nothing unusual about it. Hang in there and keep it below your customary levels.

Did the same a bunch of times.

TrixMixer

Hi Hamabi,

I am surprised at your response? IMOO i think it could be dangerous to allow alcoholics to think they can drink in moderation. Now if they are NOT alcoholics that is a different story. Each to his own!