I have a party coming up and need advice
Simply Grateful
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 211
I have a party coming up and need advice
I have been sober exactly 28 days. This Friday I have to go to a company party. There will probably be 25-30 of us there. These are all the high level executives in our company and me and another executive assistant. Nobody here knows that I'm an alcoholic and I don't want them to know. It's not that I fear my job so much as the way I may be perceived. If I call in sick, am I REALLY hungover, if I'm tired, is it because I drank too much last night? You know what I mean. These people are all serious drinkers... some are probably high functioning alcoholics themselves. I'm a little nervous. The good thing is my husband (with almost 30 years sobriety) will be with me so that's added support. I don't know exactly what my worry is but I'm just really nervous. I guess for one I haven't had to deal with an occasion like this sober (EVER) and what if someone asks hey why are you drinking club soda (they probably won't). I guess I'm just fearing the unknown. Plus having to be social and funny and chatty without any liquid courage.
Any newbie advice?
Any newbie advice?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Santa Ana
Posts: 23
Hi there, I'm new here but I just thought I would throw out a little simple advice. I feel exactly the same as you, being a woman, and for me being very shy and not outgoing, I would have a little fear about socializing without alcohol. I would tell anyone who asks that you aren't drinking because you have something to do afterwards. Somewhere important to be. This is if you aren't ready to tell anyone about your recovery. Or, you could say that you started a new diet for the new year and it involves no drinking.
As far as socializing try not to let it worry you too much. I'm sure you've known these folks for a while and I'm sure you will have a great time without any booze. Congrats on your recovery.
As far as socializing try not to let it worry you too much. I'm sure you've known these folks for a while and I'm sure you will have a great time without any booze. Congrats on your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
I would get out of it. I drank like a mad woman on a mission. You have almost 30 days. That is an awsome accomplishment. You say your husband will be there for you. Another plus. Have you been around alcohol since you quit? If so how did you feel? Are you worried you will slip? You don't have to tell anyone about your addiction. You won't be the only one not drinking. My parents belong to a religion that prohibits drinking and they go to parties. I guess they just drink non alcoholic drinks. I know they don't announce their religion when they go places.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: pa
Posts: 297
I have been to countless parties, bars and events over the years, sometimes not drinking for various reasons. Not once has someone asked me why I'm not drinking when I wasn't. On the flip-side, not once have I asked someone else why they weren't drinking when I was. Personally, I'd probably tell someone flat out that I'm quitting alcohol if such a situation did arise, but if it were some situation where I didn't want that known, and someone was pressing me on it (which would be weird) there are plenty of reasons to give - medication, diet, upset stomach, merely not feeling like it...
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
They won't care unless you do. People are all about themselves, and you are doing that too now. Do have a drink looking soft drink or ask for a non alcohol mocktail and always have it in hand. Where trouble comes in is when you are setting up for an excuse to drink. Nerves or keeping up appearances were two of the things that kept me drinking in early years.
Let me tell you what the answer is for anybody rude enough to insist on knowing whether your drink is alcoholic enough is to just tell the truth. You are turning over a new leaf which involves healthy foods and nutrition and exercise. That you have cut out anything unhealthy fo you, and alcohol was one of those things. Then tell them how great you feel! Then before they have a chance to comment, ask them what they are drinking, then ask if they work out? You don't have to admit to a problem or tell a lie. You are quitting for your physical and,mental health!
You are about to learn a new skill. The polite appearance. Since you used to drink like me, you never noticed before how many people don't drink, or nurse one drink and only sip it once or twice. That comes as a surprise to most of us. Then you both have to judge the polite time to make an early exit. You won't be alone so if they are really drunks they may try to persuade you to stay. Tell them it has been wonderful and you so enjoyed it thanks! Bye!
Remember all the times you called someone a party pooper? Did you give them a second thought the rest of the night or especially the next morning?
But if you are deep in your soul toying with the idea of just one drink for cover, or think that your committment to your sobriety can't handle it this early, then stay home!
Otherwise, keep your drink in your hand, and enjoy the education of watching how little many drink, and the right time to leave early. Remember leave before you drink, even if you have only been there 10 minutes. The only difference between us and the one drink nursers is we can't have alcohol in our mouths or bodies without falling down that hole again, maybe for the last time.
You can do it either way. Stay home or go prepared.
Congrats on the 30 days!
Let me tell you what the answer is for anybody rude enough to insist on knowing whether your drink is alcoholic enough is to just tell the truth. You are turning over a new leaf which involves healthy foods and nutrition and exercise. That you have cut out anything unhealthy fo you, and alcohol was one of those things. Then tell them how great you feel! Then before they have a chance to comment, ask them what they are drinking, then ask if they work out? You don't have to admit to a problem or tell a lie. You are quitting for your physical and,mental health!
You are about to learn a new skill. The polite appearance. Since you used to drink like me, you never noticed before how many people don't drink, or nurse one drink and only sip it once or twice. That comes as a surprise to most of us. Then you both have to judge the polite time to make an early exit. You won't be alone so if they are really drunks they may try to persuade you to stay. Tell them it has been wonderful and you so enjoyed it thanks! Bye!
Remember all the times you called someone a party pooper? Did you give them a second thought the rest of the night or especially the next morning?
But if you are deep in your soul toying with the idea of just one drink for cover, or think that your committment to your sobriety can't handle it this early, then stay home!
Otherwise, keep your drink in your hand, and enjoy the education of watching how little many drink, and the right time to leave early. Remember leave before you drink, even if you have only been there 10 minutes. The only difference between us and the one drink nursers is we can't have alcohol in our mouths or bodies without falling down that hole again, maybe for the last time.
You can do it either way. Stay home or go prepared.
Congrats on the 30 days!
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
7 up with a lime in it looks like a drink if you want to ward off questions...
Simple answers "new year, health kick" "antibiotics"
You'll have to learn to socialize without the liquid confidence from booze, think of this as practice. Most people think that booze makes them funnier and better at conversation, but really it's the opposite in most cases. Ask questions-people love to talk about themselves
Simple answers "new year, health kick" "antibiotics"
You'll have to learn to socialize without the liquid confidence from booze, think of this as practice. Most people think that booze makes them funnier and better at conversation, but really it's the opposite in most cases. Ask questions-people love to talk about themselves
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Hi Glasscat,
I am with Itchy on this one . If you think you might not be able to get by without a drink. Decline the invite.
When I gave up drinking I also gave up parties with lot's of drinking or an open bar. if i HAD to go I would make an appearance very early before everyone else was drunk, then make my excuse to leave early to the hostess and be home before the party got started.
I tried going to some of these parties in the beginning of my sobriety and remained extremely anxious through the whole nite--almost manic. I was so busy running around talking to everyone so I wouldn't drink, I think they thought I was a speed freak. I was wore out in 2 hours.So if you go anxiety may be going with you.
No one will even ask why your not drinking if they do i always answered with the obvious answer--Eh, I don't want to? that usually shut them down. If not they need a hearing aid, cause you just told them, DUH!
Good luck with the evening either way
TrixMixer
I am with Itchy on this one . If you think you might not be able to get by without a drink. Decline the invite.
When I gave up drinking I also gave up parties with lot's of drinking or an open bar. if i HAD to go I would make an appearance very early before everyone else was drunk, then make my excuse to leave early to the hostess and be home before the party got started.
I tried going to some of these parties in the beginning of my sobriety and remained extremely anxious through the whole nite--almost manic. I was so busy running around talking to everyone so I wouldn't drink, I think they thought I was a speed freak. I was wore out in 2 hours.So if you go anxiety may be going with you.
No one will even ask why your not drinking if they do i always answered with the obvious answer--Eh, I don't want to? that usually shut them down. If not they need a hearing aid, cause you just told them, DUH!
Good luck with the evening either way
TrixMixer
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Orlando Fla
Posts: 35
the nice thing is that like you said, they are all drinkers so they are really only going to care about themselves.
If you are not comfortable saying you don`t drink then tell em anything that you think they want to hear.
I mean really, its only you that matters because they are going to drink whether you do or not.
Over the holidays I was in the same boat, it was new years eve actually, I knew the one guy that was going to be there would be a pain because he is a hard core drinker himself so he isn't happy unless people are drinking along with him to justify his own drinking so of course the first guy to inquire why I was drinking a can of ginger ale was him. I simply told him I was on anti biotics and can't mix booze with drugs.
Later that night he quietly asked if I was okay and then I told him I was giving the liver a break for a while.
Shortly after that he confided to me that he wanted to quit the next day for his NY's resolution and that he consumed twice what I consume.
My point I guess is to be true to yourself and look after YOU! The others at your party won't care that you aren`t drinking once they see that you aren't going to be pushed into something.
Seriously, look after you!
If you are not comfortable saying you don`t drink then tell em anything that you think they want to hear.
I mean really, its only you that matters because they are going to drink whether you do or not.
Over the holidays I was in the same boat, it was new years eve actually, I knew the one guy that was going to be there would be a pain because he is a hard core drinker himself so he isn't happy unless people are drinking along with him to justify his own drinking so of course the first guy to inquire why I was drinking a can of ginger ale was him. I simply told him I was on anti biotics and can't mix booze with drugs.
Later that night he quietly asked if I was okay and then I told him I was giving the liver a break for a while.
Shortly after that he confided to me that he wanted to quit the next day for his NY's resolution and that he consumed twice what I consume.
My point I guess is to be true to yourself and look after YOU! The others at your party won't care that you aren`t drinking once they see that you aren't going to be pushed into something.
Seriously, look after you!
Simply Grateful
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 211
Oh wow... you guys are all awesome! I feel so much better now. I'm making it too complicated. I'm going to keep it simple and I think if it comes up (which it probably won't) I'm just going to say I'm quitting. That's the truth. Nothing else to say about it. New Years resolution or whatever.
I'm not worried about slipping because I have the hubby for support. I think if I were there alone, I would struggle. So I should be okay. I work with these people every day, they're not strangers. THANK YOU !!!
I feel much better.
I'm not worried about slipping because I have the hubby for support. I think if I were there alone, I would struggle. So I should be okay. I work with these people every day, they're not strangers. THANK YOU !!!
I feel much better.
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