lisak

Hi:

I am new here. My mother is an alcoholic. She has been for a while. But in November we received bad news about my father, he has lung cancer and they only gave him 12-24 months to live.

Ever since we received this news my Mother has started drinking alot. She sleeps all the time and every time I talk to her she sounds drunk.


I live in New York and they are in Florida. I feel so helpless. She is making my fathers last 2 years miserable. She wont cook or clean and she barely gets out of bed most days. I know that she can't get better until she admits that she has a problem, but is there anything I can do to make her see what she is doing? Has anyone ever put one of their parents into a hospital without their permission? I am thinking this is the only way we are going to be able to help her.

Any advice would be appreciated greatly.
Thank you
Lisa

smoke gets in my eyes

You may need to talk to a lawyer to get that sort of advice Lisa. I know it's possible to have a relative committed here but it's a pretty involved process. State to state sounds even harder. Another problem though, is that all she's likely to see is what you're doing to her, not what she's done to merit it. I've heard tell of people who cleaned up because they were forced into rehab, but I don't think I know any. This is kind of different from most situations where we'd tell you "let go". Sometimes stepping in is necessary to protect children or elderly people who need care. But I think maybe if you consider the situation with the focus on your Dad instead of your mom, you might be more likely to arrive at a solution. What are his needs and how can you see that they are met? Assume Mom is out of the picture. Can they have some day help? Send the laundry out? Can you arrange with the meals on wheels in their area to include him? Sometimes we just have to go around the mountain.

Hugs,
Smoke

quietsins

if your mother is dealing with the impending death of her life mate... she is probably depressed.. and drinking is a depressant so it just makes it worse... perhaps you can go visit and get her to talk to a dr? maybe he will be able to convince her that the drinking isnt helping anything and that may be a help.

sorry i cant give any great advice, but i will keep you in my prayers and hope you find some peace in your day