3fourths

Two & a half years ago - in June 2010 - I caved in and began searching the streets in the city I lived in at the time, looking for heroin, and I've been addicted ever since.

During the time I was undergoing a lot of stress, a failing relationship (that led to a civil court case), a new self-identity, I lost all my friends and began failing to connect with the people around me.

Tonight I decided it was time to end this once and for all, and fortunately I have been taking strides in that direction over the course of the past 9 months. One major gain I've made is the ability to remind myself that I have nothing to worry about, unless I do, which I then identify a solution for.

Luckily at the moment things are not as horrible as I had expected... for the entirety of December I had suboxone and was able to avoid the daily activities I once engaged in (driving/searching/waiting for a score). But I ran out and well, an opiate is an opiate and it is giving me some withdrawal. I took my last bit of suboxone on wednesday last week, and on saturday I had chills, sweats, depression and anxiety all over again. I knew it was coming, and honestly I don't really know how to explain my actions so I'm simply just sharing them.

About 6 hours ago I caved in and took a shot of h... immediately regretted it as it did nothing... pretty sure this was the second time ever I was ripped off. That lessons been learned, and it made something click in me. I want to be clean, I know my body craves it, I want to be over my addiction: I want to conquer it and never take opiates again in my life. I crave often, and I lose my sense of reality easily enough to cave in.

Day 1 is now, January 8th 2013. Fortunately due to my somewhat taper of suboxone I don't feel as bad as I thought I would... for a frame of reference before sub I was take between a tenth to a fifth of a gram of powdered H/fentenyl on a daily basis, and if I could get anymore (poor) I would without question.

Wish me luck, I would like to document my recovery.

-3fourths

Tamerua

Best of luck! Keep coming back.

Scolova

best wishes to you 3fourths in getting off that poison.

Lyoness

Welcome to SR, 3fourths. Congratulations for deciding to take your life back. I'm recovering from oxy/dilaudid addiction and I know how hard it is. You've come to a great place for support, information, wisdom. And I'm sure you'll help a lot of folks by documenting your journey.

There's also a Substance Abuse forum where you can post as well.

Take care.

freshstart57

This is a very powerful position to take, 3fourths. I don't have your experience with opioids/opiates, but I know people who do, and this same understanding was their ticket out of that hole.

I believe you can do this, and you will, simply because you must. It is all very plain and simple. The degree of difficulty is up to you. I look forward to reading about the rest of your journey.

Best to you.

3fourths

Thank you all for the kind words. So far, so good, this morning I feel depressed and lethargic but I am trying to just power through it and do my homework today.

3fourths

Well I made a mistake yesterday... oh well, back at about 28 hours again.

Dee74

what happened 3fourths?

D

JimJim

./..]

3fourths

lapsed yesterday, couldn't resist my biggest trigger. think I'm going to get my phone number changed on the way to school tomorrow. I was stressed and couldn't really handle how bad I felt since I had gotten no sleep the night before and had to drive for several hours. I feel guilty about it.

Dee74

at least know you're more aware of the some of the pitfalls...learn from it, work out what you need to do so it doesn't happen again...then draw a line under it and get back to the way you want to be

D

3fourths

Thanks Dee. Today was a little bit better, in fact I realized this is the first time in over a year I've willingly driven home after school, straight home. I'm pretty proud of that and it puts me at about 49 hours now, although I have a flu (actual flu separate from WD) and that's not helping. I have a friend who has Kratom so I may try that out (I've been told it's a legal and okay to have, I mean it is available on amazon but I've heard it is now regulated in thailand)

Coldfusion

Wow, three, this kind of sounds as if you're soliciting medical advice--

Ask a doctor before taking anything--

3fourths

I apologize, that was not my intention... if I need to delete something I will.



Edit: Okay I cannot delete it. Really though I am sorry, perhaps I said it wrong. I'm NOT LOOKING to replace my opiate usage with Kratom, I was just going to give it a shot for helping ease withdrawal but I apologize, I shouldn't have even said anything. If a moderator is willing to delete my post, that's fine. I'm here to be clean, not solicit anything.

Coldfusion

...it reminded me of my mother, who said a friend gave her some Valium to take before surgery...

...seriously, if you start feeling weird do something. Go to the fire station and have them check your blood pressure...

3fourths

Please just forget I even asked, I don't want it to become an issue. I realize now that this is not the place to ask those sorts of questions and I apologize.

Coldfusion

...no worries, I don't know what Kraton is or why one would take it for the flu...

Coldfusion

...I went through a medical detox program. It was inexpensive but pretty bare bones. There were AA and NA meetings nightly, so I had an introduction before I came home. I have been to meetings almost daily since, and am working with a sponsor.

vegibean

Hey 3fourths, hope you're doing ok today. Just caught your thread and I'm sorry you're struggling. I've been there with alcohol, and I know how bad it is, you want to quit then you can't, but I also know with opiates you get a lot of crappy side affects. Good luck, we support you. Dee74 is the best, isn't he? He is always such a cheer leader on this site. I was gone for a while and I was so thrilled when I saw him post in my thread.

Keep your head up. :ghug3

Sapling

Have you thought about checking out an NA meeting...Meeting some addicts in recovery and seeing how they do it? I use AA for my alcohol recovery...Year and a half sober...But I work with a guy who has eight years clean in NA. I never had much luck with putting my foot down...It always got back up and headed to the liquor store.