Amisi

So Ah is just over 30 days sober. Its been pleasent having him back with out the booze. I still am having a hard time not being nervous that hes going to start drinking. I know he goes to his out patient meetings, he dosnt have a drivers licence anymore, I take him. Ive meet his thearpist, she says hes doing well. He brings a copy of the drug and alochol test results home, so far all good. But still my nerves are so shot thinking about the"what if" I can barley sleep or think straight.

I refuse to stay with him as a drunk, but I love him and cant seem to shake that fear he will choss to drink again. I really dont want to have to make that call. Though this is the first time hes tried rehab or any sort of professional help, all I can remember is every other broken promise fo stop drinking.

Has anyone else felt like this? I dont even know how/if I should talk to him about it. I did try an al anon meet but it was uncomforfable.

Any tips on how to get threw?

ResignedToWait

D no I think many of us have felt the same as you. You're definately not alone! :-)

Speaking from my own history, I also used to worry constantly about when my wife would drink next. I'd be obsessive about it....where are you going, what have you been doing, did you just stumble over a word or have you been drinking.....

I also tried Alanon once. It wasn't for me.

I felt just like you feel, SO helpless to stop her from drinking.
I don't remember when or why it happened, but one day, I got it. I WAS helpless to stop her drinking. Just as they mantra in Alanon, I didn't cause it. I couldn't cure it. I had no control over her drinking whatsoever....so I had no reason to worry about it! It's no exxageration that I felt 200 lbs of stress less after that realization.

It may not help you right now in your time of intense worry and anxiety...but the only thing you can do is be there for them when they need your support in staying sober. If they decide to drink, your conscious is clean.

Seren

Hello Amisi, Welcome!

I think we have ALL felt that way when someone we love enters a program. We have such high hopes and we are all on pins and needles waiting to see if that person will relapse.

My stepson is currently in a sober living home after 30 days of rehab. If he chooses to leave there, we have absolutely no control over it. We have been down this road a few times with the young man, and have learned to appreciate the moments we have with him when he is sober and not expect to make any long-term plans that involve him.

Once my stepson has about 1 year or more of sobriety, then maybe that will change--I hope so!

Congratulations to your husband on his 30 days. That is quite an accomplishment!!

cfm

Yes
To bad, go anyway, develope a support group (in the old days we called them friends) that will help you understand what your up against.
And she would know this exactly how????????.........Iv'e been doing this a long, long time, (and I will leave open the possibility that it's just me) but I have never met so much as 1 single drunk who was doing well at 30 days sober. You are INFINATELY more qualified to judge if he's doing ok than some therapist. Since he's been sober is he kind?, is he respectful?, is he fullfilling his responsibilities?, is his spirit repentive or arrogant and proud??? I have posted to you before. I suggest you go back and read it. They still apply. They will always apply. When I was about 30 days sober my sponsor said something to me ( I can't remember what ) and i said: "Well I kinda feel like" and he said: "STOP RIGHT THERE"...".Did you just say feelings Chris"..."I have 2 words for you that will cover your feelings at all times & under all conditions"........"TOUGH ****" "THAT COVERS IT, YOU ARE AN ALCOHOLIC AND YOU HURT PEOPLE. That must stop RIGHT NOW .........There is absolutely no excuse for him to ever pick up a drink again. .....PERIOD, END OF STORY. Hoewever don't be surprised if he does..........Find out what step he's on. 99% of people who go down will go down between steps 3 & 4, because they don't want to do a 4th. In all probability right now he is just stark raving sober. Your "What if" is a very valid question & possibilty. Just take care of yourself. When one comes into AA they begin to serve a 5 yr appreticeship..One is new until they are 5 yrs sober. Your going to need some help along the way to. Any specific questions PM me.........May God go with you.
'

Recovering2

My ABH came home 5 days ago after 60 days of inpatient treatment. I felt the butterflies when he came home, a little anxiety rising in me about what's next for us. So I went to my AlAnon meeting last night, and listened to messages of hope and letting go of his recovery. It's his recovery...I can't control what happens. I can only control my side of things, how I respond and react.
If you only went to one AlAnon meeting, my advice is to go again. I went 3 years ago, and stopped because I never felt comfortable. I only tried one group at that time. This time around, my counselor advised me to go to 6 meetings before making a decision about it. Go to different meetings, but attend one meeting group at least twice. Took 3 groups, but I found one that feels right.
I still don't know what's ahead for me. But I know i am finding support and a certain peace about it all. Keeping the focus on MY recovery.

Amisi

I meant he s doing well in group, has thoughtful insight, shares, participates, seems to be committed.

I understand I cant stop him or control his drinking. I just don't want to lose my husband. But will not stay with him if he drinks. It just feels like there is so much hanging on the "what if" he drinks again thought, it's overwelming.

Congrats to all whos loved ones have gotten help and stayed sober

cfm

If you are true to yourself and your principles, your feelings are justified. There absolutley IS so much hanging in the balance.

FireSprite

My nerves were literally frayed by the time RAH started therapy toward sobriety. I had also exhausted my adrenals & I was a physical wreck.

One thing that helps is getting enough sleep, but that's easier said than done a lot of the time so I started taking a mild melatonin supplement to help me get back into the habit. Now I only take it occassionally, whenever my brain won't shut off so I can sleep.

I also have, at times, used a chewable stress relief formula from Similasan because it takes the edge of my nerves & lets me focus on work or other tasks instead of getting caught up in the "what if" game. I hate that game.

These are just little, quick methods of getting through bad moments or particularly high stress days. I really had to focus inward & start busying myself with things that I could be sure would benefit me in the long run. Exercise, yoga/meditation, cleaning out my closets & drawers (lol), reading self-help kind of books about co-dependency & alcoholism, etc. I had to find ways to continue to move forward that didn't rely on his sobriety to be effective, make sense?