Need advice please.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Alberta
Posts: 1
Need advice please.
I am new to this and I am grateful for any advice and support I receive.
I walked away from a chronic addiction to crack cocaine over a year ago and have not looked back. I also started walking away from a man that I fell in love with prior to our addiction but was that poInt where if I dIdn't, the drugs were going to kill me. After a few months in my new and healthy lifestyle, the man moved out to be with me, to be just as healthy and we were doing extremely well. Until 9 months ago.
Around March or April of 2012 he admitted to previous usage of opiates intrevenously. Currently he is still using in obscene amounts (3-4 hydromorph pills and 240mg oxycontin daily). When he is unable to find anything he falls into a deep sickness (I have no experience so I am asking for help with this as well) and starts using aspirine with codeine and ImmodIum like crazy to ease the pain.
I am not one to judge or pass judgement but the needles are not for me and am still battling an addiction to crack cocaine. I have been clean for 15 months, but also do feel that I wIll always be an addict. He has contacted the local clinic for help but are not accepting patients until mid February. After he runs out and goes through 4 days of withdrawal, he reassures me he wont be getting anymore again. Three days later he is picking up 4-500 dollars worth. I do not know what to do and it hurts all over to see him do this to himself.
I walked away from a chronic addiction to crack cocaine over a year ago and have not looked back. I also started walking away from a man that I fell in love with prior to our addiction but was that poInt where if I dIdn't, the drugs were going to kill me. After a few months in my new and healthy lifestyle, the man moved out to be with me, to be just as healthy and we were doing extremely well. Until 9 months ago.
Around March or April of 2012 he admitted to previous usage of opiates intrevenously. Currently he is still using in obscene amounts (3-4 hydromorph pills and 240mg oxycontin daily). When he is unable to find anything he falls into a deep sickness (I have no experience so I am asking for help with this as well) and starts using aspirine with codeine and ImmodIum like crazy to ease the pain.
I am not one to judge or pass judgement but the needles are not for me and am still battling an addiction to crack cocaine. I have been clean for 15 months, but also do feel that I wIll always be an addict. He has contacted the local clinic for help but are not accepting patients until mid February. After he runs out and goes through 4 days of withdrawal, he reassures me he wont be getting anymore again. Three days later he is picking up 4-500 dollars worth. I do not know what to do and it hurts all over to see him do this to himself.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome sadnheartbroken.
I'm really sorry for your situation.
I think it's good to ask yourself - how much are you prepared to put up with...what's the line at which you say 'enough'?
We have a great Family and Friends area here - I've taken the liberty of moving your post here. You'll find a lot of help experience and support here
D
I'm really sorry for your situation.
I think it's good to ask yourself - how much are you prepared to put up with...what's the line at which you say 'enough'?
We have a great Family and Friends area here - I've taken the liberty of moving your post here. You'll find a lot of help experience and support here
D
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, Sad, so glad you joined us.
Your life may depend on your sobriety, I think you already know that. Because of this alone, I think putting some distance between you while you think this through might be a good idea.
Addiction is or it isn't, switching one drug for another or trying to keep use to a minimum almost never works for anyone, although it is usually tried by all. Almost every addict I know thought they could drink beer and found out they couldn't. Almost every alcoholic I know thought they could smoke pot and found out they couldn't.
My point is, unless and until your friend stops using completely he remains in active addiction. The choice is yours as to how much you want to risk to stay in this relationship, but I hope you will take a good read around here and learn what life will be while he continues using.
We are here to walk with you and support you, not to judge you or him either, I hope you will see that and learn from the experience, strength and hope of others here who have been where you are. There are many "double winners" here, recovering addicts who are also recovering codependents, and please know there is hope for a better life ahead for you...regardless of what you choose.
Hugs
Your life may depend on your sobriety, I think you already know that. Because of this alone, I think putting some distance between you while you think this through might be a good idea.
Addiction is or it isn't, switching one drug for another or trying to keep use to a minimum almost never works for anyone, although it is usually tried by all. Almost every addict I know thought they could drink beer and found out they couldn't. Almost every alcoholic I know thought they could smoke pot and found out they couldn't.
My point is, unless and until your friend stops using completely he remains in active addiction. The choice is yours as to how much you want to risk to stay in this relationship, but I hope you will take a good read around here and learn what life will be while he continues using.
We are here to walk with you and support you, not to judge you or him either, I hope you will see that and learn from the experience, strength and hope of others here who have been where you are. There are many "double winners" here, recovering addicts who are also recovering codependents, and please know there is hope for a better life ahead for you...regardless of what you choose.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Welcome to SR,
I am both a recovered addict and a loved on of an addict, so I know what its like to be with someone while your actively using and then clean yourself up but your partner still hasn't. For me, it was a deal breaker. I tried to stay with him because I loved him, because I had been where he was, and because I thought that since I was able to get sober he would be able to also, but things aren't always that easy. He is putting your sobriety at an extreme risk, even if it isn't your DOC he is using. As recovered addicts there is still always a chance that we could have a weak moment and cave, and although my DOC is heroin, I know that if I were to do cocaine in a moment of weakness I would have a whole new addiction to deal with.
Have you thought about setting healthy boundaries for yourself? Some of mine are:
- I will not live with an active addict.
- I will not allow drugs into my home
- I will speak to or be around anyone who is high.
Please put yourself first, no matter how much you love him or can identify with the struggle of addiction, no one is worth risking your sobriety for. After I set my boundaries and let my boyfriend sit in jail, he ended up choosing recovery. That isn't always the case, and even with both of us in recovery, we still need to put in extra work to ensure that we don't slip up. If he were to relapse, I would stick to my boundaries and he would be asked to leave and I would go no contact, not because I don't love him, but because I love myself more.
Oh and the sickness he experiences after running out of pills is withdrawal. When someone is addicted to opiates and they suddenly stop taking them they will experience flu symptoms such as sweating, aches and pains, not being able to sleep, bathroom problems, being extremely tired, restless legs, etc. The fact that when he runs out of pills he starts to go into withdrawals shows that his body is physically dependant which means he is an opiate addict.
I am both a recovered addict and a loved on of an addict, so I know what its like to be with someone while your actively using and then clean yourself up but your partner still hasn't. For me, it was a deal breaker. I tried to stay with him because I loved him, because I had been where he was, and because I thought that since I was able to get sober he would be able to also, but things aren't always that easy. He is putting your sobriety at an extreme risk, even if it isn't your DOC he is using. As recovered addicts there is still always a chance that we could have a weak moment and cave, and although my DOC is heroin, I know that if I were to do cocaine in a moment of weakness I would have a whole new addiction to deal with.
Have you thought about setting healthy boundaries for yourself? Some of mine are:
- I will not live with an active addict.
- I will not allow drugs into my home
- I will speak to or be around anyone who is high.
Please put yourself first, no matter how much you love him or can identify with the struggle of addiction, no one is worth risking your sobriety for. After I set my boundaries and let my boyfriend sit in jail, he ended up choosing recovery. That isn't always the case, and even with both of us in recovery, we still need to put in extra work to ensure that we don't slip up. If he were to relapse, I would stick to my boundaries and he would be asked to leave and I would go no contact, not because I don't love him, but because I love myself more.
Oh and the sickness he experiences after running out of pills is withdrawal. When someone is addicted to opiates and they suddenly stop taking them they will experience flu symptoms such as sweating, aches and pains, not being able to sleep, bathroom problems, being extremely tired, restless legs, etc. The fact that when he runs out of pills he starts to go into withdrawals shows that his body is physically dependant which means he is an opiate addict.
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