Patsfan

Hi. I have good friend who is in recovery. He just got his 60 day chip. This is not his first rodeo, but things are going well for him. He is getting treatment on a regular basis with his therapist and taking his meds as prescribed. He was in the hospital a few months ago and then self admitted to an in- patient program and is now in a sober house. This time he has a good support network and the structure of the sober house seems to be working out.

I am helping (not doing it all...just helping) him with finances and with his apartment. He is storing stuff and getting rid of the apartment. By financial help I mean I am not giving him $ .. just my help with straightening out his financial situation. When he got out of the hospital he gave me the password to his email. He owed some gambling debt and I asked him if he owed anyone money that might harm him. He said no....but I searched his email for threatening words and I found emails from someone demanding $, making threats, etc. He paid this person the $ back and from the email this person seems to also struggle with addiction.

This is my problem........I feel terrible that I looked at his emails with this person. And...this person has recently reached out to him again. I feel this person is NOT a friend...but I don't know if it's my place to say anything?

I want to tell my friend what I did and ask him about this "friend"'. Should I say anything or should I leave it alone? I really don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening.

SparkleKitty

He gave you his password, so I think it is okay to let go of the guilt over looking at his emails...but at the same time, if he is ever to get back on his own two feet, you may also need to to let go of looking out for him. This "friend" is one of the many challenges he will have to face if he is gong to get well; you don't do him any favors by attempting to manage this for him, or to pre-empt any potential conflict he might need to deal with.

Best of luck to you!

thislonelygirl

I agree . With sparkle kitty.
You can tell him in your opinion what kimd of friend or person he is but allow
Him to make decisions for himself

ReflectingOnMe

You searched threatening words? If an email just popped up and you saw it that would be one thing. I would be offended if someone searched through my emails. Looking for "proof" that I was lying. He may have told you a lie to protect you from fearing for his safety. Or to keep you from being in danger yourself. We cannot control others actions. If i gave my friend a house key to feed my animals; I wouldnt want her searching through my closets looking for skeletons. Hoping this doesnt sound harsh...Im not judging your actions just giving my pov.

PohsFriend

I'd want to solve the problem... I'd be hurting him if I did though. I stopped searching for problems.... If they come looking for me I will address them but I sleep better dealing with only the **** that happens, not that might. You can't pick his friends.

We sound harsh, understand that if in person we'd say this stuff with an arm around your shoulder and you'd hear sadness and empathy in our tone.

He's gotta learn to make good choices.

Patsfan

thank you all for your input. yes, I did search his email initially because I thought he might be embarrassed to tell me or think I wouldn't be able to handle it...and walk away. it is his life and these are decisions he will need to make on his own. while it will be hard for me, I will let my friend learn these lessons.... and I need to learn to