Dealing with Painful Feelings
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Dealing with Painful Feelings
Monday, January 7, 2013
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Dealing with Painful Feelings
Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.
Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.
These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.
Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.
We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.
We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.
Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.
Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Dealing with Painful Feelings
Feelings of hurt or anger can be some of the most difficult to face. We can feel so vulnerable, frightened, and powerless when these feelings appear. And these feelings may trigger memories of other, similar times when we felt powerless.
Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.
These actions may give us a temporary feeling of satisfaction, but they only postpone facing our pain.
Feeling hurt does not have to be so frightening. We do not have to work so hard to avoid it. While hurt feelings aren't as much fun as feeling happy, they are, still, just feelings.
We can surrender to them, feel them, and go on. That does not mean we have to seek out hurt feelings or dwell unnecessarily on them. Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.
We do not have to act in haste; we do not have to punish others to get control over our feelings. We can begin sharing our hurt feelings with others. That brings relief and often healing to them and to us.
Eventually, we learn the lesson that real power comes from allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to feel hurt. Real power comes from knowing we can take care of ourselves, even when we feel emotional pain. Real power comes when we stop holding others responsible for our pain, and we take responsibility for all our feelings.
Today, I will surrender to my feelings, even the emotionally painful ones. Instead of acting in haste, or attempting to punish someone, I will be vulnerable enough to feel my feelings.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I have learned that pain is our friend...it tells us when something is wrong and needs to be tended to.
Physical pain makes us stop doing what we were doing to cause it, at least until we heal.
Emotional pain is our spirit's way of telling us that we need to sort some things out and take good care of ourselves. If we stuff our pain, or deny it, it will fester and eventually come through in other ways, some physical and some psychological.
I thought my emotional pain would indeed kill me, I had never felt such hopeless, dark despair. A wise lady here told me that the only way to conquer the pain was to face it straight on and walk through it. She was absolutely right and I have never felt such pain since.
Good reading today, LMN, and a good reminder for me that even deep pain does not last forever.
Hugs
Physical pain makes us stop doing what we were doing to cause it, at least until we heal.
Emotional pain is our spirit's way of telling us that we need to sort some things out and take good care of ourselves. If we stuff our pain, or deny it, it will fester and eventually come through in other ways, some physical and some psychological.
Emotional pain does not have to devastate us. We can sit still, feel the pain, figure out if there's something we need to do to take care of ourselves, and then go on with our life.
Good reading today, LMN, and a good reminder for me that even deep pain does not last forever.
Hugs
Getting there!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
"A wise lady here told me that the only way to conquer the pain was to face it straight on and walk through it"
How do you walk straight through it? Could you please explain how to do that!! You are more then welcome to use my current situation as an example.
How do you walk straight through it? Could you please explain how to do that!! You are more then welcome to use my current situation as an example.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 349
LMN, I am not a wise lady but I have to say it appears to me you are walking straight through your pain right now by the way you are thinking and the actions you are taking. May not feel that way but from an outsider looking in that how it looks. I'm praying for your continued strength and peace. hugs, Carol
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 285
LMN - I'm so sorry you're going through this. I too, am not a wise woman but I agree with allthatsgood. You are walking straight through and know that we are walking right there with you if you need us. I know you have the memory of an elephant so just remember all the good advice you gave me and apply it to yourself
I know this is tough - take care of you.
I know this is tough - take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: SouthEast
Posts: 159
Since this is my second trip down the addiction path, first with AH and now with AS, I do feel like it has lasted forever.
There are lessons to be learned from my life and I am still trying to figure out what they are. Unless it is run like h*** when I meet an addict lol!
The first trip was so devastating, but it did give me tools to deal with my second trip.
The hardest part for me has been stopping the enabling. I have felt like such a fool for believing the lies from both of the addicts - but I now see it as a measure of how much I can love and give - to someone that deserves it. And I was so beaten down by EXAH it took me years to overcome it - but I did and I am very grateful for the positives I have in my life, I have many.
My heart goes out to all just starting this trip - just learn to detach as fast as you can - and ask your HP for help A LOT!!!!!
There are lessons to be learned from my life and I am still trying to figure out what they are. Unless it is run like h*** when I meet an addict lol!
The first trip was so devastating, but it did give me tools to deal with my second trip.
The hardest part for me has been stopping the enabling. I have felt like such a fool for believing the lies from both of the addicts - but I now see it as a measure of how much I can love and give - to someone that deserves it. And I was so beaten down by EXAH it took me years to overcome it - but I did and I am very grateful for the positives I have in my life, I have many.
My heart goes out to all just starting this trip - just learn to detach as fast as you can - and ask your HP for help A LOT!!!!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by LoveMeNow 
"A wise lady here told me that the only way to conquer the pain was to face it straight on and walk through it"
How do you walk straight through it? Could you please explain how to do that!! You are more then welcome to use my current situation as an example.
How do you walk straight through it? Could you please explain how to do that!! You are more then welcome to use my current situation as an example.
Well, let's see. First, and you've already done this, you are not hiding in denial. You acknowledge the fear but you reach out to recovery friends to talk to about your feelings. You set your mind on being brave to face the days ahead, and then just hope your body follows.
Most of all, you turn to every ounce of faith you ever had and hang on, looking ahead and trusting the process. And every day you keep walking, moving ahead and keeping promises you have made to yourself. Baby steps some days, but you don't hide or isolate for more than a brief time. Solitude is good but isolation is not. Find peace in your space and your time, and grab on to it.
One day it will become easier, and another day will take you forward even more.
This is walking through the pain, and once you have you come out into the light at the other side and you know you have made it and that you are okay.
And don't forget, we're walking with you LMN, you are not alone.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Sometimes, to gain a sense of control, we may punish the people around us, whether they are people we blame for these feelings or innocent bystanders. We may try to "get even," or we may manipulate behind people's backs to gain a sense of power over the situation.
Thanks for sharing.....this was a really good one.
gentle hugs
ke
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