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Am I am alcoholic?

Old 01-07-2013, 11:03 AM
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Must not mess up again!
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Am I am alcoholic?

Hi everybody. Hope you are all ok. I would just like your opinions and advice please.

My mum was the typical alcoholic. Hiding drink around the house, in her bag. Drinking before she could go anywhere or do anything. Becoming nasty and violent and unreasonable to us and my dad when she was drunk. She eventually became so Ill she was malnourished and died as a direct result of her addiction. Many of my relatives on that side of the family are alcohol dependent and ill.

I do not drink every day. I do not crave or need to drink alcohol before I do anything at all in my life. I have alcohol in the cupboards at home which I do not touch. I can go out with my friends and family, have sociable drinks, get drunk and enjoy myself and their company with no issue or upset. Occasionally I have a hangover if I have drunk too much or not rehydrated before I go to bed, but there isn't usually a problem.

However. Sometimes, if I have drunk too much, and gone over a certain level of drunkenness, I get loud, irrational, say stupid things, don't listen to my husband, and can be unreasonable and argumentative. This has happened with my husband and my ex partner.

My husband has given me an ultimatum. Alcohol or him. He can't stand the way I become when the switch flips. The switch flips if I let my guard down and get very drunk. We have had no end of rows when I've been drunk, and argumentative.

There are more times when I have a drink, and the alcohol affects me, and I'm happy and fine, than when I'm unreasonable. But because of the times when I have turned into an a hole, my husband is very nervous and cannot relax around me when I've had a drink.

I have abstained for several weeks at a time. I have tried to moderate my drinking, and this works very well most of the time. However, a few days ago, we were having a few drinks with family, and my husband and I each had two measures of vodka, a glass of mulled wine, and two glasses of red wine. It was getting late, but we were still playing cards, and my father in law was still drinking his whiskey, even though our wine was done. My husband did not want or need another drink. But I let my guard down, and poured myself a whiskey. Tis resulted in me getting loud, and interrupting a story my husband was telling, as I didn't understand it. I wouldn't let it lie, and kept on and on, even when my mother inlaw was telling me to strop, and my hubby was getting irate. I saw only that he was being nasty to me, and he wouldn't answer my questions. I didn't swear, be aggressive or anything like that, I just wouldn't shut up and listen.

My husband is fuming because he says I lost control after all my promises to keep myself in check, and my mum in law says I was in the wrong cos I wouldnt listen.

This is the kind of thing that happens when I drink too much, and my husband says I never know when I'm going to get like that.

I argue and say if I keep an eye on myself, take soft drinks between etc, and know when to stop, which I do more often that not now, then I will be alright, and not cause him any hurt.

But sometimes I lose my control and take that extra drink. Because of my family history, my husband is concerned for me. Because of my personal history of kicking off after too much alcohol, my husband is nervous around me when I drink and sometimes tells me to shut up or quiet down, control myself , which leads to an argument, which then gets blamed on booze. We will have been out drinking together at these times, but his personality doesn't really change after a drink.

So am I in denial? Do I have a drink problem? Am I an alcoholic? I don't want to hurt my husband or lose him, Andy don't wants to be in this awful situation where he his angry and hurting because I have let us down and broken my promise again.

I have decided that it's best if I don't drink at all as that isthe only sure fire way for the switch not to flip, but there are so many times when it doesn't, andi am in control. What do I do! Please give me your opinions.

Thanks x
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Old 01-07-2013, 11:14 AM
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It sounds like you already know the answer...moderation doesn't seem to work, so why not just take the choice away from yourself and live a peaceful life without alcohol?

You, like 99.99% of people here, will not regret it.
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Old 01-07-2013, 11:14 AM
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If anyone drinks too much they change and do or say stupid things it's just the way alcohol affects the brain. Being an alcoholic is not so much about your behaviour once drunk. For me it's whether I have a choice after a certain point whether to take another drink which I don't. It's also to do with a mental obsession I have my mind will always take me back tote first drink no matter how painful the previous consequences have been.

Only you know if your alcoholic, try stopping for 1 year if your alcoholic you would find this extremely hard.
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Old 01-07-2013, 11:17 AM
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The good news is that if you are not an alcoholic then giving it up shouldn't be a problem Personally I think that if you or someone else finds your drinking a problem then it's a problem, alcoholic or no. To me the word is irrelevant, it's what we do about it. There was a thread on this the other day, if I can find it I'll bump it. Lots of people have different opinions on what an alcoholic is but there's no hard and fast criteria. I often hear people saying that personality changing is one, but mine never did, but on the other hand I did drink every day for many years. We're all different in our drinking but the solution to every type of drinking problem is the same, stop drinking.

Welcome to SR x
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Old 01-07-2013, 11:21 AM
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If you were taking an alocholic evaluation, there probably would be some checks in the alcoholic behavior section. I'm 2 years, 7 months sober after a 42 year drinking career and I have proven to myself without doubt that my life is better off. No hangovers the next morning, more money in my pocket, and it is one less problem that I have to deal with. I believe anybody can live without alcohol. Rootin for ya.
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Old 01-07-2013, 11:29 AM
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The good news is that you are human: we make mistakes. The bad news is that those around us often perceive the problem long before we do.

No answers here, just that I bet you are young and have not yet understood the "progression" of alcoholism. I started "not drinking" in 1974, and have proceeded to circumscribe my life since then with long periods of sobriety but still believing in alcohol to "help". It has gotten so much worse, and I have wasted 40? years of my life wrangling with this.

What a waste. Look around you and see how few people regard alcohol as necessary. Not many really.

No one can decide for you, but that you are asking the question says a lot.

Subscribed to your thread; I believe in you.
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Old 01-07-2013, 11:40 AM
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The day after drunk fighting/arguing. God I hate that. I hate remembering what a fool I was. I am so happy I don't have to deal with that yucky feeling anymore. I am an alcoholic and as long as I don't drink I will never have that experience again. Thank God I am sober.
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Old 01-07-2013, 11:45 AM
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If its causing probelms in your life whethere an alcoholic or not isn't it better to just stop for good and rid yourself of those problems?
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Old 01-07-2013, 11:53 AM
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I've never regretted not drinking, but there are stacks of times I have regretted drinking.

We all change when we have a drink.
I know I do.
I don't really know anyone who I can say changes for the better when they have had a drink.
Thats friends, family, work colleagues.
Most become over friendly, over bearing, loud, touchy, aggressive, too flirty.

If it's getting to the point where you are causing rows with your family and making your husband nervous, is it really worth it?
A few hours so called pleasure for hurt feelings, mistrust, rows and arguments?

Read and post here, get to know about alcohol and addiction and red flags.
I did and it's got me 329 days sober.
I'm in the UK too by the way!
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Old 01-07-2013, 11:56 AM
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Originally Posted by escapist View Post
The day after drunk fighting/arguing. God I hate that. I hate remembering what a fool I was. I am so happy I don't have to deal with that yucky feeling anymore. I am an alcoholic and as long as I don't drink I will never have that experience again. Thank God I am sober.
+1
I always hated that morning. I hated that first hour or so as the night before would come back to me, and the awful things I had said or done. Or when I couldn't remember what I had said or done, and had to worry about it. No more!! I wake up now and always remember the night before, and seldomly do I have to apologize. As someone else stated, go with out for a year.
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Old 01-07-2013, 12:02 PM
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I think we all dont like the word alcoholic, after all they are sweaty tramps drinking out of paper bags in the gutter.

If a problem with drink sounds better, work it that way.

Unfortunately there is a stigma attached with the word alcoholic, which is not attached to ex smoker, for instance

That took me a long time to get my head round

Some of the nicest people I know now are alcoholics

They have just given up the drink

Dont bother about the label, give up the drink

You will find you cant moderate, so stop. Go to AA or whatever helps you, there is plenty of advice here

I am coming up to one year sober. I dont have blackouts, I dont have to worry about what I said or did last night. I dont have to have an unsend button on my emails.

The only thing I still do these days is still order rubbish off the internet, only I know now what is in the parcel when the postman arrives

Welcome to our club, fellow UK bod as well
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Old 01-07-2013, 12:18 PM
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I don't think it much matters what you call it. If you can't control your drinking and it causes problems in your life there's a good chance you're addicted, especially with your family history and behaviors you've described.
It is progressive-try to catch it before you've lost everything important to you as well as your health.

You'll get lots of support here on SR and many describe exactly what you do so you're not alone by any means. We're all struggling, but many have been very successful. A lot of us find it impossible to keep the promises we make to ourselves to cut back. It's actually easier to stop entirely than keep going through the cycle.

I think people that are dealing with drinkers give a lot of warning signals that it has to stop and your husband and his family are expressing them loud and clear. Once you reach their "last straw" there may be no fixing it-you see a lot of regrets here about broken marriages. I wish you the best of luck in learning to live without booze-it can be done
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Old 01-07-2013, 12:26 PM
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Must not mess up again!
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Thank you all for your input.
I keep telling myself all the benefits I will have if I don't drink. Loose weight, not have that horrible feeling the next day. Not have to apologise to people. But part of me still thinks that, as someone just said here, lots of people change when they've had a drink, become flirty, loud etc, and that doesn't mean they have a problem. Added to the fact that I moderate very well most of the time, cant I just keep a leash on myself? But then again I've proved myself wrong so many times by going too far, and I guess that even going too far once is once too many.
I'm worried about how I'll feel surrounded by friends and family drinking. I work as a singer in Greece in the summer, and all drinks are free. I'm in a holiday atmosphere surrounded by people on holiday, getting drunk. I have one or two drinks I would say 4 nights out of 7 on average in the season, which I know is too much for a healthy level, and I'd already decided to cut that down to once or twice a week next season. Funny thing is,I'd already decided to stop drinking for my new years resolution as I want to lose weight, so in a way I feel ok about it. I don't want it to be a decision I've taken cos my hubby demanded it. It has to be because I want to stop, or I will feel forced into it, and be resentful. Does that make sense? I'm sorry if I'm going on, I guess I'm just casting around for support to make me feel better!
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Old 01-07-2013, 01:12 PM
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Why not just stop?
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Old 01-07-2013, 01:30 PM
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You have two choices

Choice 1, continue to drink with all of the negative consequences which will only get worse because problem drinking is progressive.
Choice 2, stop drinking and stop all of the negative consequences.

The question is does the good of drinking out weigh the bad?
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Old 01-07-2013, 01:38 PM
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Hi aphid - welcome

There's some great advice here - like others have said, only you can decide if you're an alcoholic or not.

It certainly does seem like alcohol is causing you a lot of problems tho.

I think giving it up, and posting regularly here is a great start.

It's ok to be a little ambivalent at the start - I think most of us are...noone wants to be different.

Quitting drinking actually gave me my life back tho - and helped me rediscover a me I'd forgotten existed.

who knows? you might find the same?
why not give it a go?


D
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Old 01-07-2013, 02:55 PM
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Three things strike me from your post.

1. You have to want to do. Not because your husband wants you too, his mum, his Dad whoever. It has to be you. I think you will feel unhappy with your decision if it is forced by someone or something else.

2. The future.
Looking forward to singing in Greece with no booze, next Christmas, next new years eve, even next saturday is too much for anyone. You can only do it as one day at a time. In the morning say to yourself 'just for today I am not going to drink'.
Don't go any further than that.
Imagining the next 20 days, weeks or years is a lot, maybe too much for anyone to get their heads around.

3. Get learning, get some knowledge.
I had no idea about alcohol and the dangers until I came here. None whatsoever. There are some beautifully wise people here who can help you learn all you need to know. They can tell you how bad some people can 'have it'. Why certain things happen - blackouts, the shakes etc. What types of help are available.
There is AA, SMART, AVRT technique.
Read it and understand it all.
I would try and go to an AA meeting if you can and listen, maybe say if you can that you worry about your drinking.
I have the upmost respect for all the experiences that the AA friends I made shared with me.
I judge none of them.
I am grateful they talked about what alcohol did to them so that I might be spared from loosing my family, my home, my job, my driving license, my health or going to prison.
It might be that you are not an alcoholic, who knows?
But I would use your time and reflective mood to understand where drink can take you.
It could be far worse than a family row.
Go on the SMART website, go on AA international and find a meeting and I think you will soon make your mind up what you need to do.

I really do wish you the best xx
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