crazybabie

My middle addicted son relapsed he is smoking pot I know I can not predict the future but this usually leads back to the pills and I know that is out of my control when I think of him (I try not to but it creeps in at times) laying on my living room floor with no pulse and in the hospital with machines breathing for him I do get scared.

I am going to my meetings, I am working my steps, I am not saying anything to him about it. I am staying on my own side.

My son has survived cancer and an overdose I don't know how many chances he thinks Gods gives us but I am scared.

I just needed to vent thanks tomorrow will be better.

bluebelle

(((((crazybabie)))))

lightseeker

so sorry about this. I understand how the jump in fear occurs. It always takes awhile for me to peel myself off the ceiling no matter how much recovery time I have. And I've found that it is really different when I'm dealing with my kids.

I love the saying....if you are worrying it means that you aren't praying. That's one of the ones that helps me a lot during times like this. You have the SR FAF mom posse on your team - don't forget! We are a hearty and praying group ya know....

DefofLov

Sending love and light your way, CrazyBear.

I think it is natural to worry, especially after all you have been through with DS. Coming here and venting, doing your part by praying, and searching with love is the way to go. When we detach with love, we still care about the person, we love them, we even worry, but we stay out of his or her way. It is his journey. I too, ask our HP, to help guide him in the right direction.

Keep working your program and getting healthy support. Giant hugs from me to you.



Love,

LilyBear

SundaysChild

****{Hugs}}}

Our feelings are one of those things we can't control - you'd be stone, not a mother, if you weren't terrified. But you're doing the right things, putting one foot in front of the other, breathing, and staying on your own side of the street.

He'll be in my prayers, tonight.

helpme33

Angie your post made me cry, I so understand what you are going through! AS's AGF would called me hysterical (and probably high) after they had a fight that he was threatening suicide and she didn't know where he was. I'M IN ANOTHER STATE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?? I did call the police and they located him and he said he was not homeless or suicidal.

And even if I was closer, still,l what can I do? My stepping back caused her to leave me a message, "It is ON B****". Then she started calling me at 6AM leaving nasty messages. Then I called the police again and she was told I have all of the phone records showing 20 to 30 calls to me a day. YEP THAT MANY!!

My son (and probably her too) hacked into my email account, tried to hack into my bank account, and had conned me about being homeless for months just to get money.

All of this zapped me right back to the reality that he is using again and if I was close enough he would be stealing from me AGAIN. I felt like everything I had worked so hard to help ME with HIS addiction went right out the window.

I started to dread his frequent texts 'cause I knew they were just going to be about how he is stranded (no fault of his, of course) and needed money for a ticket or food.

He actually went NC after cussing me out and saying he was going to steal and then committ suicide and it was all my fault.

Can't do it anymore, I reached my rock bottom. He may actually do what he threatens, but it is his choice.

Sadly, it is so much more peaceful now that I don't hear from him. I admire you for being strong enough to step back, I know how hard it is. This is our child for heaven's sake!
(((huggs and blessings that we can take this life one day, maybe one hour, at a time)))

LoveMeNow

I am sorry (((Angie))). I know how devasting it is to watch people we love make such horrific choices.

You and your son are in my prayers!

EnglishGarden

You working your program is very inspiring, Angie.

And your recovery increases the odds of your son's recovery. It is enabling parents who lessen the odds. So just keep doing that right thing. His lessons are not yours, you know that, and he and his Higher Power are working something out.

God bless you and your family.

crazybabie

I get too frustrated I guess none of my addicts can get on the same page and stay there one addict is too much for any of us to deal with one will be in recovery then one will start again I also think I know my husband is in very early recovery I have no expectations but since son relapsed I believe that helped me see hubby may he is choosing to do it on his own. Again out of my control.

Thank you all for your caring words they mean so much,

Thanks for the reminder of if you pray why worry and if you worry why pray.

DefofLov

Giant for helpme.

crazybabie

Helpme, I didn't mean to make anyone cry big hugs for you. Sometimes a cry can make us feel better.

neferkamichael

:ghug3

zoso77

Angie, you and your son will be in my prayers this evening.

ZoSo

crazybabie

Thanks, Zoso we need all we can get.

dasiydoc

awww Im sorry Crazybaby. I realize you were facing this as you were replying to me yesterday on my thread. That is amazing of you to look outward and share with another at a time like that. thank you.

vegibean

And you know what, you sound like one of the healthiest family members I've heard from in a long time. Back to your original post, I am glad that you are just doing your thing. No matter what you say to them, it's really on them in the end. My very best to you. :ghug3

allthatsgood

Crazybabie, you are such an important member of the SR community and it just makes me feel so sad for what your are going through. But as always, your strength is shining through...as you say...staying on your side. I pray that working your program will bring you some peace. You will be in my prayers tonight. From one Mom to another....hugs.

PresentTense

Crazybabie, I will pray for you and your son. From your posts it seems like you have done and are doing all the right things to take care of yourself and work your own program. I find that inspiring but I am still sorry for your pain...

Anaya

You deserve lots of credit for staying strong through all these trials you've faced!

I know it hurts your mama heart and am sending up prayers. Hugs and wishes for peace for you.

zoso77

Angie,

Whenever I go to an Al Anon meeting, the people that impress me and inspire me the most are women with addict children that have had to do a lot of work to keep sane or (hopefully) serene. I can't imagine anyone worse than watching a child go through the hell of addiction. And it's that thought that's always given me perspective on my own issues.

So, you know what you need to do, and we're all pulling for you.

Best,
ZoSo