Pia06rc

Hi everyone! I'm a newcomer to the forum and have gone 7 days now without a drink. For pretty much every week for the last two years I'd binge on alcohol and class As for 3-4 days without sobering up and then have a few beers on the other days of the week. On Saturday I spent the whole day with friends who were drinking and felt quite anxious and awkward at times, although this went through phases. Do people think it's a good idea to make a concious effort to avoid such situations or to find coping mechanisms for them? i'm 25 fron the UK. Good luck to everyone who is quitting the drink!

phoebe64

Welcome!

I think you will find many here do avoid such situations early in sobriety.

I know I relapsed in November due to such exposure at Thanksgiving. I made it through my first night, but was worn down by day 2 and had champagne and wine on the holiday. Big mistake. I got back to sobriety, but it was disappointing to get so drunk that day.

So, you have to decide for yourself, but it is very tempting, and frustrating to be exposed if you still have any desire to drink or use.

Newatthis34

Hi Pia,

IMO people such as ourselves need to consolidate and strengthen our sobriety by not putting ourselves in these type of situations. I'm on Day 4 only, but had a 5 week stint of sobriety back in April. Not much I know but the longest I've been in 15 years I guess so it's my only point of reference. Staying away from certain people and situations is, for me, essential. I think that will ease up as my sober time grows, however I expect that drinking buddies will naturally cease to be part of my life as we lose interest in each other.

That's my tuppence worth anyway. Good luck to us both!

Thepatman

Not drinking is a new way of life. The fact is that Alcohol is in the same category as drugs, even if society accepts it as normal. Ask yourself this, would you hang around people shooting heroin? Personally I would not, I would not be on the same frame of mind that they are in. I prefer hanging around sober people. Making new friends is somewhat of a challenge right now for me. All my friends are drunks, I find I have absolutely nothing in common with them now that I'm sober.

ttbp

I still avoid situations that I know I'm going to feel uncomfortable in. I knew the works Chistmas party would be particulary boozey so steered clear of that.

Sickpuppy

Hi I am very happy for you for achieving 7 days!
That's a big deal congratulations!!!!!!!
As far as feeling uncomfortable and anxiety from being around boos. Of course that is going to happen its like taking a fish put of the sea you were all Out of your element. Hooray for you for sticking it out.

As for me I'm dually addicted, and have no self control. No matter if I'm one day clean or nine monts if you put me on the middle of drinking and or substances no matter how much I may tell myself I could handle it., Truthfully I'd justify it in my own head and join the group.

I don't do anything at a small safe pace, rather it's drinking or druging I have one goal and that's to get $hit faced. If I tell my boyfriend we can go here or there and I won't drink I'll really belive it, but when we get out and everyone's having a drink my disease kicks in and getting to drink is all I can think about. It's really uncomfortable, causes anxiety. And I will be a witch the whole time till we leave.

Out of sight out of mind, some people do it and say their fine not me. If I'm not the one drinking I don't want to be around it. It's easier for me to just not go to certain functions or occassins then to Go because I will make or miserable if I don't get what I want, and then I become even a bigger witch to my boyfriend once I get drunk. Either way I'm screwed.

I would consider laying low from the drinking buddies, at least for awhile, build up some clean time, rethink it then decide. Right just take it easy, no reason Togo out tempting yourself just yet. Get used to doing things (you normally do when drinking) sober see how it feels. If it makes you want to drink you know your not ready for that yet.

It gets better just hang in there. You have plenty of support here and were all rooting for you

OneLessLonely

I approached my recovery as a ladder or staircase theory. I avoided social situations altogether for a couple weeks. Then one weekend I went out with one friend/one couple that I trusted most and who did not drink like I drank. I decided if that felt ok I would do it again a few times then move onto the next ladder rung or stair, always having an escape plan at the ready. If it did not feel ok, I would retreat to avoiding social situations altogether. The next rung or stair was groups of people that did not drink like I drank. The next one person/one couple that drank like I did. The next multiple people who drank like I drank. The final, which I have not done and really have no desire is a person/couple who drinks like I drank and a bunch of their friends that I don't know who drink like I drank. Now my triggers may be different than your triggers. My triggers were self esteem and social anxiety. So my staircase went in severity of triggers which being around a lot of people I don't know being one of my biggest triggers. So I would suggest think about what social situations would make you most triggered and start small, have an escape plan, an don't push it.

MrsKing

Welcome to SR and congrats on 7 days. Good for you!

I don't necessarily go out of my way to avoid boozy situations. At the beginning I continued living the same way I did before I quit - I went to bars and to parties but just didn't drink. After a while I realised that I was having absolutely no fun whatsoever at these things and stopped going. I never felt like I was missing out because I'd sat through hours of these parties and gatherings and realised that it was BORING. These days (I've been sober 9 months) I very rarely find myself in social situations where people are drinking. I'm just not interested in it - I would prefer to spend my time differently. I spent Christmas with family who drink quite heavily and I did find myself considering drinking at times - I definitely would never have touched a drop, though, but being exposed to it frequently over a period of time definitely gets to you eventually.

I never have any thoughts of drinking unless I am around people who are drinking, so it's definitely better for the brain to steer clear.

Lionhearted1

well done on 7 days!

hypochondriac

Find coping strategies for them later!

While I do think it is important to develop coping strategies so that you aren't in any danger should you find yourself in a drinking situation, I don't think it's advisable to spend all day with anyone who is drinking. I avoided these things as much as possible early on, but I have been to pubs, clubs a couple of times, meals out and parties, all totally sober and fine, but I wasn't the last to leave as I usually would be, I had fun, did the social thing then got out of there. Hanging around people drinking sounds dangerous to me.

Maybe try and find some new sober friends

Well done on your 7 days and welcome to SR! x

TrixMixer

Hi Pia,

Congratulations on 7 days. You have laid a good foundation for your sobriety, but changes are going to have to be made if you want to continue on that path, and after 7 days sober I sincerely hope you do.

I was a party girl and loved clubbing, parties, Discos (it was the 80's) when I made the choice to get sober. Needless to say all of my "friends" were drinkers like me, and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do ,but I left that life and everything that remotely reminded me of that life the day I stopped drinking. I knew I would not have the strength to survive in that atmosphere without drinking. But I also realized I only enjoyed that party life because it was a place to drink with other drunks (not friends).

You will begin to see those places are just not that enjoyable when your NOT drunk. You are a new person now, and don't see good times through the haze of booze, you need to work day in and day out on staying sober, and it is a lot easier when you stay away from the things that were part of your"drunk" life.

I am now 61 and still steer clear of open bar parties, or places I know the objective is to party and get drunk. I too become severely anxious. If I must go to an affair I go early and leave before the real party gets started. I have no problem telling people I am a recovering alcoholic and cannot be around excessive drinking. There is no shame in that , rather a great deal of courage.

Wishing you all the best in you "New" sober life--it is so very worth it!:ghug3

Stay strong/ Stay sober
TrixMixer

Pia06rc

Many thanks for everyone who has replied, it's much appreciated and I'll take the advice on board! I'm lucky in that I have supportive mates. I think that a few of them know that they have a problem too and would like to do something about it deep down, so my decision hasn't been faced with any stigma.
I also do other sober activities with the mates who I get wrecked with, so hopefully I won't have to isolate myself from people 100%, just be more choosey to the times and events etc i choose to take part in as has been suggested. For instance when everyone was drunk and went clubbing on Saturday, I shared a taxi and carried on home. I felt very boring and anxious, but the next day I felt great.
I don't think I'll miss the drugs, only the booze. For me I think the drugs are just an 'aid' there to facilitate gettng drunk for longer and prolonging the depression of sobering up. I think anxiety and self-esteem are my triggers too, so if I can work on these underlying issues i will avoid any relapses.
Thanks again for the advice people!