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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: wendell Depot
Posts: 1
new to the forums
Hi everyone,
I'm new to the forum, so I thought I'd introduce myself and talk about my situation a little bit.
I am not an alcoholic, my husband is, and has been since he was about 17/18. We have been married for 4 years this March and we have been relatively happy for most of the time. For the past year or so my husband has been trying to get sober, and he had gone 263 days without a drink as of NYE, when he fell off the wagon.
He fell pretty hard, attacked me, and tried to choke me. He spent the night in jail and doesn't really remember anything about it. When he was released the following day he went to stay with a mutual female friend, and has been staying there for the past week. We are trying to work things out, but he has never really lived as a sober adult and doesn't know how to deal with situations without alcohol.
We have been talking and last night he told me that being around me makes him want to drink because when we started seeing each other he was drinking, and he's not sure if it's some psychological thing about me or him or whatever but he loves me, and thinks I'm a good person but he can't be with me and be sober.
I really don't know what to do and how to respond to him. I'm devastated because I love him so very much, and angry because I feel like he's placing the blame on me. I want him to get better, but not at the cost of our marriage. I feel like I'm being selfish, but I hurt when he's not with me. Has anyone else gone through this?
I'm new to the forum, so I thought I'd introduce myself and talk about my situation a little bit.
I am not an alcoholic, my husband is, and has been since he was about 17/18. We have been married for 4 years this March and we have been relatively happy for most of the time. For the past year or so my husband has been trying to get sober, and he had gone 263 days without a drink as of NYE, when he fell off the wagon.
He fell pretty hard, attacked me, and tried to choke me. He spent the night in jail and doesn't really remember anything about it. When he was released the following day he went to stay with a mutual female friend, and has been staying there for the past week. We are trying to work things out, but he has never really lived as a sober adult and doesn't know how to deal with situations without alcohol.
We have been talking and last night he told me that being around me makes him want to drink because when we started seeing each other he was drinking, and he's not sure if it's some psychological thing about me or him or whatever but he loves me, and thinks I'm a good person but he can't be with me and be sober.
I really don't know what to do and how to respond to him. I'm devastated because I love him so very much, and angry because I feel like he's placing the blame on me. I want him to get better, but not at the cost of our marriage. I feel like I'm being selfish, but I hurt when he's not with me. Has anyone else gone through this?
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
He is a typical alcoholic who blames others for his drinking.
Seriously, get out now. Especially because of the physical abuse. There is no excuse for that even if he doesn't remember and was drunk.
Seriously, get out now. Especially because of the physical abuse. There is no excuse for that even if he doesn't remember and was drunk.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Near Rockford, IL
Posts: 90
Hello,
You have a tough situation, violence is never good. I know some here should be able to get you pointed in the right direction.
Hang in there for now (unless you feel unsafe), help is in the way.
You have a tough situation, violence is never good. I know some here should be able to get you pointed in the right direction.
Hang in there for now (unless you feel unsafe), help is in the way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 20
If you don't mind me asking, what was the cause of the aggressiveness? Or did he just turn nasty for no reason? Also has he ever hurt you before this? I have been known to get aggressive when drunk but I have never tried to strangle my wife, we just had serious rows which ended up with me leaving in the middle of the night until I had sobered up!, then I'd come back a different person a very sorry person when realisation had hit me at just what I could lose if this continued. I never used to get aggressive all the time but if something had gone wrong in the week it would come out at the weekend when I'd had a drink, it's a part of me that I wish wasn't there but it is so I'm dealing with it, if your husband loves you like he says he does he will deal with his problem but remember you can't give up something like alcohol for somebody else it has to be because he genuinely wants to quit for himself 
hope this helps
hope this helps
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Welcome to SR, though sorry for what has brought you here. You may want to check out the link, below - it's full of people who love someone who is an alcoholic.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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