Midlifecrisis

Find themselves wishing they had an injury of some kind of pain so they could legitimately take opiates????

I know it's stupid, Just getting it out of my head and onto here. I am sure I am not alone.

Lyoness

MLC, you are definitely NOT alone on that one. I have thought that many times. Wondered what I could do that wouldn't really hurt, would allow me to continue doing necessary chores like hauling firewood but would somehow give me loads of pills. Haven't come up with anything because I know that would be a dreadful thing for me to do to myself.

Midlifecrisis

Thanks Lyoness. See, if I said that to any of my irl friends they would look at me like I was an alien.

Spinach

I guess it's very common but I'm sure there's a name for it !
Sounds like you need more time sober free.Perhaps anti depressants would work better.
Casualty departments are full of people scamming drugs and broken arms will only get you brufen.
Sounds like the real pains elsewhere!
John.

Midlifecrisis

Absolutely. I was in rehab with a girl who shot herself in the foot.

Yeah, gotta cure that pain in some other way hey?

Lyoness

Yeah, most non-addicts wouldn't understand that one. I'm sure there are lots of people who do that though. I talked to an RA once who said he had a friend who shot himself in the foot to ensure a lifetime supply of drugs. Scary! Just shows how distorted our thinking gets with addiction.

MalkavianEmily

Dunno about wishing, but I do know that the last time I had really bad pain in my hip, I used that as an excuse to use again.

Midlifecrisis

Hey Lyoness. We posted at the same time about foot shooting! Must be common!

We are a strange species.

Midlifecrisis

Hmmm yeah. Any little pain I get I think 'hmmm, if it was just a little worse then maybe...'

Lyoness

That is pretty weird!

And yes, we are indeed a very strange species. I look at my cats and they are so happy just to eat, chase string or each other, relax, and purr at the tiniest expression of love. I think they are at the top of the evolutionary chain, personally, lol!

Joe Nerv

In early sobriety I used to fantasize about someone coming into an AA meeting with a gun and forcing us all to get drunk. Used to think of being stranded on a dessert and getting rescued by budweiser truck. Used to tell my friends jokingly tell friends I wouldn't mind if they spiked my food or drink with valium. But I wasn't joking. Had bunch of other things I used to entertain myself with. It the nature of our beast. It'll pass. Just don't go hurting yourself.

Lyoness

Wow, I didn't know alcoholics did this too! I thought it was just us loony opiate addicts. Addiction really does mess with all of our thinking!

Sickpuppy

Yes, ecspecially since my bf is never used, if i take anything it has to be perscribded to me. Been racking my brain on what I could say to the dr so he would be able to write. And telling myself it would be ok cause the dr gave it to me.

Then I think wtf, I hear we're only as sick as our darkest secrets, we have a place to let them go, and no one around me has to know what's in my head. I've been. Contemplating going back to being a dancer. Something my bf and I both agreed would never be a good idea, because of my addiction, mostly the heroin is what I'm concerned about. I started dancing @ 16 and by 17 was injecting myself. I've been clean from heroin for 2 1/2 years now after 7 years of use, getting as bad as $500 a day habit.

But we're considering moving back to the city, and the businesses arent doing to good, having money issues in away. We started considering it to be an option.
My bright idea was I can just get on suboxone do I won't have to worry about getting anything illegal, and as long as I take it there's no point in doing heroin because it keeps you from getting high.

What's sad is I never thought he would agree, it was my addiction talking, and I am disappointed that he would agree for me to subject myself into the life I finally escaped. I've been living in this town for 2 1/2 years and said I'd never go back home. I am scared to death of what's to come. Yes I have relapsed but nothing like what it was before, I thought that was in my past, finally over. I'm still trying to deal with all the damage that life put me on,

Lyoness

Sickpuppy, does your boyfriend know all of your history? If you mean the kind of dancing I think, then it would probably put you into active addiction immediately, even if you were on suboxone which is only for opiates. You should not have to degrade yourself to put food on your plate and I hope your boyfriend supports you in that. Can you get any form of assistance, foodstamps, etc. to help you through the rough patch? Your safety and sobriety are more important than anything, anything!!

Sickpuppy

Idk yet I haven't tried . We're fixing to be moving to another state. I shouldn't be surprised, he's the reason I was trying to gain more info and experience for a sociopath, I think I try to lie to myself like certain behaviors ate normal.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

He's the only person I've ever been With that doesn't use, drink, or smoke ciggs
He owns a few businesses. We were doing really well for s small town, and now everything is getting all messes up. I really thought that part of my life was over but it's like I'll never beable to escape my past. Now it looks like the past will be the future wth! I'm mixed up in the head, can a sociopath ever really love someone anyway

Lyoness

SP~If you feel you are in a dangerous situation you could call a women's crisis line. They often have help with identifying if you are with someone that dangerous, temporary housing and so on. I don't know where you are but I have seen links to something called 211 here. I don't know how to post the link but just google 211 and you should get the right page. They have info. on finding all types of assistance wherever you are.

It sounds like you've been doing a ton of work on your recovery and healing, that's awesome. Keep reading and posting here, there's lots of support and info. You could also check the stickies at the tops of the forums. A lot of them have good referral info, too.

courage2

LOL addicts & drunks are strange! Anyone besides me whose first instinct when left to wait in the dentist's office is to rummage through the cabinets just in case there are drugs or an RX pad lying around? Is that a thing a normal would do?

Lyoness

Courage, well any "normal" addict would! I've certainly had the odd rummage...

sugarbear1

I know someone who deliberately cut off one of their own fingers to get pain pills..............

Bruno1979

No, that's one thing that I've done is wish an injury on myself, but I do get where you are coming from,

7 years ago I had a nasty accident at work breaking both of my legs and whilst in hospital after surgery I really did look forward to my morphine injection of an evening time. Its pretty sick really. :-o

Bruno.