sofie

After expressing to a friend who drinks (quite a lot, but functions), how much better I feel being sober and how sobriety is the integral reason that I am handling my closest family members terminal illness, this person tried to convince me that I don't have a problem, I just need to learn how to have more self control. I asked why someone would say that to a person (me) who is finally feeling- grounded, level headed, secure and better about myself than I have in years even though I am experiencing the most traumatic event I have ever endured- by far- and in the past would have turned to alcohol and been a total wreck and probably would have destroyed my family. This person said I am unrealistic and said that eventually I would have to learn how to drink socially because being a non drinker makes colleagues and friends feel uncomfortable in social settings that you "have" to attend. I asked what is so bad about being sober and happy and why wouldn't people encourage that?!? The response was something to the effect that it is frowned upon by certain social groups (society stuff). Is this weird? I don't associate with a lot of people (and prior to that my social life was with big drinkers). This just seemed odd to me and wonder if others have peer pressure to drink and experience discouragement rather than encouragement? Maybe a weird question, but it caught me off guard...

Fernaceman

I find that absolutely unnecessary...Just keep doing what you are doing and enjoy your happiness. I wouldn't put too much thought into it.

"We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people."

Big book p. 70

LadyinBC

Have to agree with Fernaceman. Do things that make you comfortable and happy. We can't please everyone. If someone is uncomfortable that you aren't drinking in a social setting, that is their problem, not yours.

I personally haven't ran into too many problems with people. My friends and family who care about me are supportive and don't say things like that. People that care about you and your well being will not say these things to you. Just my opinion.

sofie

Yes that is true- it was just kind of a jolt- if that makes sense...

LadyinBC

Definately does make sense. The things people say sometimes just floors me too!

OCDDan

Sofie, it sounds like the disease coming from anonther angle..

ReadyAndAble

I have to say I think Dan's right. I remember when I was drinking, a part of me felt threatened by others' decisions to quit. I would dismiss such moves—especially if it was done by someone I respected... someone who reminded me of myself.

It's not about your sobriety; it's about your friend's drinking. That's my two cents.

quitforme79

Hey sofie, I have had the same response from some people. We know what's best for us and they won't have to live in our bodies and minds once we set the disease on fire inside us by drinking again. Kudos to you for staying strong and sober thru your difficult situation. We got your back here!

OCDDan

there is a good amount of peer presure out there, after all most people drink, makes it pretty hard for us tho.. very hard.

sofie

Wow- didn't even think of that spin on it, but I can totally see that. I do think this person has an internal struggle with addiction and has had more and more friends quit due to health reasons, family problems, etc... Just might not want to "lose" another drinking pal to the sanity of sobriety...thank you! That helps to look at it from a different perspective...

Hope4Life

He said that because he feels uncomfortable being around a non-drinker. Misery loves company and so do Alcoholics.

It doesnt take long to figure out that many , if not all of your 'drinking buddies' are not true friends. This became obvious to me when I walked away from the bar scene 5 years ago and not a single one of my drinking buddies called to see where I was or how I was doing.

The main thing is you feel GREAT and dont need the crutch of alcohol to cope. Drowning your feelings with booze solves NOTHING and actually creates more problems in your life.

Congratulations on your sobriety.

kizzy40

It's really interesting you mention it, as when I quit I was looking through articles in the British media and I was so shocked!
Journalists wrote articles following a period of abstinence after realising they were consuming waaaay more alcohol than was healthy.
But to my dismay they actually seemed to be advocating drinking to excess!
Stories of dull evenings, friends moaning, feeling left out and unfun....
I was really shocked, as a nation we have accepted binge drinking as an acceptable social norm.
It is as sad as it is frightening.

Ruffian

I don't think the average person truly understands alcoholism.

I think that a lot of people have had periods of heavy drinking in their pasts - during college, mostly - and then, when they had to turn off the drinking to concentrate on their careers or their families, they had no problems with flipping the switch to simply having a drink or two on the weekends or with dinner now and then. Reading the Big Book was eye-opening for me because it made me truly understand that alcoholics simply cannot flip that switch.

If someone is not an alcoholic or close to an alcoholic, it is unlikely that they'll ever read the Big Book (or even know what it is), and they'll probably think that it's as easy to drink in moderation as it is to make sure you don't eat over-stuff yourself at dinner. They don't realize what happens to an alcoholic after he or she takes that first drink. So in most cases they don't mean to be insensitive to your situation... they simply can't understand why you can't just enjoy a drink or two now and then like they can.

Thanks for sharing your story, and keep on being strong.

sofie

It really is heavily promoted as being "cool" and the reason I started (way to young) was to be with the cool people. In our younger years we even laughed off things I would find deplorable today as socially acceptable. And that is so true...the drinking friends have faded out of my life, many of whom know my struggle with my family members illness and how much I really do need a friend. Not writing in a poor me way- I'm getting along as well as I can, I know I'm doing the best that I can and the temptation of a drink just to have a friend isn't worth it. Thank you! This thread has really helped.

sofie

Ruffian- another excellent point. I don't know that I would understand it if I wasn't an alcoholic and it still took many failed attempts for me to understand it. I just never want to feel so confident that I forget!

OCDDan

hah, poor me, I use that term too, you don't sound that way, no way, like you said this is a good thread, and it has good meaning to me for sure!

kizzy40

No, thank you sofie!
For helping me keep things in perspective.
You carry on being strong for yourself and your family.
I'm so happy you had that moment of clarity, and saw the 'friend' trying to put your finger on the trigger.
Well done!

LadyinBC

That is sometimes my fear too. I know I can never go back to it, and I never want to feel that I can. I just have to make sure I don't become complancent.

Delilah1

That is probably the case for many of the friends we have. Good for you for staying strong with everything you have going on.

least

I think your friend is full of it. Anyone who is bothered by someone not drinking may have a drinking problem of their own and does not like the reminders of someone else getting sober. You keep on doing what you're doing and don't listen to such nonsense.