Hayfmr

It's been a while since I have been on here but sadly I am back. Here is the quick version. Been married to Bipolar AW for 26 years. For a while she kept the binge drinking hidden from me. Things slowly got worse though. After 2 treatment programs she wrecked the car. The court ordered treatment program worked for 7 years. Then suddenly she started drinking hard again. The next wrecked car and treatment program only worked for a short time. Finally after being hospitalized for alcohol poising she was admidted to the mental health unit. There she was diagnosed with Bipolar and anxiety. She also has an eating disorder that I choose to ignore. With meds all was well for 15 months. Then suddenly without warning she drank again. She is now steadily progressing right back to where she was as a full blown binge drinker.

At the time of her Bipolar diagnosis I was filing for divorce. She begged me for a second chance and after seeing how the medication changer her I gave it to her. Things were going really well for 15 months. I don't know what has changed but it appears she in not taking hte meds like she is supposed too. In addition the alcohol causes the meds to not work. As we all know A's will never tell the truth and be honest with us. Whe I gave her the second chan I made it very clear that I was never living with a drunk again. My first choice is to get her some help and sober her up. However my confidence in that working is slim to none so it looks like I need to start preparing my backup plan. The problem is that I own a successful business and we live in a community property state. A divorce is going to be very expensive. Thats why I am looking for divorce information so that I can plan ahead to protect myself.

Hayfmr

Our kids are grown so thats a non issue. They all support me too.

When I was preparing to file in 2011 I was proposing to give her the rental propertys free and clear. I would keep the debt. Their is no way she could manage them if she returns to her old ways. Since then our net worth has grown and I have bought more property that I need to keep for my main business. I am looking to find more ideas to present to the lawyer. No matter what happens it is going to be expensive but I am never living that way again.

ResignedToWait

But if you don't live with them, how could you take have proof of them "not cleaning up" to bring back to court? (Asking for curiosities sake).

PohsFriend

Your finances are complex. Community property means an equitable division of assets and debts. In a no fault (irreconcilable differences) case that may mean 50/50 but if you file for and are subsequently granted a divorce for cause then equitable can mean disproportionate.

Frankly, from what you've shared you may benefit more from good estate planning than divorce law. Rental properties moving to a family trust with grown child or children as administrator might be wise.

Note that I wouldn't condone hiding all the assets to leave her destitute but well, I will be candid... My mentally ill mother was out of control as long as she had my dads estate to burn thru. The police and courts kept trying to get the kids, particularly me since I was the youngest and grew up there, to get her under control. Momma thought she was ok and her lawyer said we were after her money (no, I did not dive from the witness stand and choke him to death, damnit). We told the Court it was simple - if you want us to be responsible then put what's left in a trust, let my sister be the admin and we will provide receipts and explanations to the court.... Otherwise we aren't going to pick up, leave our families and come up for a week next time mom bites a cop or tries to run a neighbor over. Since then, no problems. Sister pays her bills and spending money is contingent upon adherence to taking meds and seeing the docs, no discussion.

Sounds like you and kids might wind up in same boat?

Alternative would be to work out an agreement that you and she can live with on your own, have an attorney draw it up and file it.

You are in good shape, there is a trail here and adult kids who love both parents but testify that their mom needs help and the sudden accusations about dad are simply false makes a powerful argument. You need to document like crazy, gather everything up and get in contact with a group like fathers for equal rights who can teach you to represent yourself. If you both get an attorney in a contested divorce they will argue back and forth until all the assets are gone then push you to settle. Your case is not complex unless she has something to hit you with like documented abuse. If your history is 'clean' and hers is that bad then you should be in good shape.

I hope things work out, sounds like you are out of alternatives. What are the alimony rules in your state?

Google "family code divorce (state)" to get some basic info. At $300/hr you want to limit attorney time to minimum.... Educate yourself.

Sorry man, prayers that she gets well and you can stay or part without much chaos.

Hayfmr

I am completely clean. Rarely ever even have a drink and never with her.

I like the trust idea. Tie everything up in a trust and then file for divorce.