peanut44

So I'm new to the site and I need help with an issue I've had for a long time.

Readers' Digest version is:

I don't have kids, my husband has 1 daughter who is now 23.
I met him when she was 10. He had raised her since she was a baby. Her real mother is a alcoholic/addict, very dysfunctional.

She moves out, goes to college and I know kids change but OMG. Changed completely to the point where her dad feels as tho he doesn't know her.

Recently found out she is living in the same town as us. We've heard from her maybe 4 times in the last year. She was visiting for college breaks over the past 3 years and somehow managed to ruin every Thanksgiving, Christmas etc.

I finally told my husband that I can't do it anymore and I don't want to see her for awhile. She is super passive/aggressive but the part that puzzles me the most is that I have NEVER in my life with anyone, EVER felt so uncomfortable and uneasy around another human being. I can't figure it out and I'm sick and tired of trying to.

I made amends to her, wrote letters about how I felt and then burned them, trying to get rid of the bad feelings. They keep coming back. I feel that she has never really liked me and in the past couple of years, my husband is finally seeing what I've been talking about.

So either everyone in my life is lying to me and I'm super hard to get along with or it's her.

Is it wrong for me to cut ties with her and be done with it. I can't stand the way she makes me feel. I can't even begin to list all of the mean underhanded things that she has said or done to quietly let me know that she does not like me.

I don't have problems like this with anyone. Never, ever have.

I want my husband to have a relationship with his daughter, but I don't want to anymore. I feel she is toxic.

Is that bad???

Sasha4

No I don't think it's bad or unreasonable for you to feel how you do.

Have you talked to your husband about how you feel.
I think there is no excuse for rude behaviour that spoils holidays like Christmas etc.
Perhaps your husband could meet her for a meal outside your home, if that means you don't have to be exposed to her bad behaviour.

You don't have to like her, especially when she is rude to you.

peanut44

It's not that she's downright rude, although the Christmas before last, she tried for the first time to get in my face and I'm not going to ever let that happen in my home.

That's when I told my husband enough was enough and he saw enough of it that particular time to know that I wasn't lying. She has done stuff to me under the radar so it looks as though I'm over reacting.

Yes, my husband has known about this for a long time and it breaks his heart. He would love nothing more for her and I to be close. And I have suggested that he meet her for coffee, lunch or just spend the day together. That would be okay with me.

I just wish I knew why I feel this way about her. I lived with her for 10 years and things were "okay". After she moved out, it was like she's not going to like me and she doesn't care who knows it.

She's pretty much blown her father off too and that hurts alot. His put his young life on hold because he knew that her blood mom would ruin her. And that's who she spends her time with now......

If you've ever heard the term "psychic vampire", thats a good way to describe her. Try to talk to her about things and you come out of it drained, confused and shaking your head.

I've tried my best to apply the 12 steps to this problem and I do get some relief but it's short lived.