hotpink

Hi guys,

New to the site and wondered if anyone has been through this and has any advice.

I've struggled with drink problems for the past few years and although I've now got it to a point where I can drink but I WANT more.. but I stop myself after just a couple of glasses with a meal and go for a cup of tea, get up and do something to take my mind off it. I then snap out of wanting another drink after another 15-20 minutes. I've been doing this for the past couple of months and I'm definitely getting much better.

However my problem is I live at home and my family is my biggest worry that I will start drinking out of control again.

They see how much I have changed and say wow, you're like a different person etc but then every so often, I'll answer something someone has said whilst I'm eating in another room etc (mouth full) and I presume it must sound what could be mistaken as slurred and I'll get "Oh no, are you drinking again?"

Or if I go out with work friends for drinks, which are now the same as my home drinking, stopped after 2 or 3 glasses of wine and I've never been drunk since, before I even leave the house I will get asked to please not drink and then get calls to check if I'm drinking.

I haven't been drunk since August 2012 and I am really struggling that my family won't let me move on.

I have had another load of 'are you drinking more?' comments today after I drank a soft lemond drink after wine, to which I presume they thought vodka was in, when it wasn't.

I don't even feel the same person I was back then and could never be that person again, however I am really, really struggling with the fact that they won't let me move on.

I have spoken to them about it and they said it's an issue closed, we won't bring it up again as you've obviously dealt with it, however that obviously isn't the case as they constantly pull me down at any chance they get.

I can see it from their point of view but I have never been drunk since last August and I am really finding it hard with them. If anything, they are the ones making me feel like saying 'screw you, I will drink then'.

Any advice would be great.

Thanks,

Elle x

ReadyAtLast

Hi,, I have been in a similar situation.The problem for me was I always wanted another drink and whilst I controlled it for a few weeks,with difficulty/control/planning/thinking/analyzing eventually I did go back to drinking more. Maybe your family are just waiting for the day you do drink more.Only when I stopped did they start to think I might be serious. Are you looking to quit? It's a lot more peaceful than the incessant battle to try and moderate

Auvers

Hello Pink. Your family likely is simply fearing that drinking too much is a possibility for you and they are hoping to dissuade you from that road. When I drank, I found it annoying for any comment at all to be made referencing my drinking. I had my antennae out very high to catch any kind of comment or look that I might view as critical of my consumption. Since I quit, it is so pleasant not to be on the look out for such commentary or nuance.

It will probably take more time for your family to relax on this issue. Since you are still drinking more than is considered a safe amount (that would be one drink for a woman), they are worried. If they did not care about you, they would not worry. Your comment that you might as well go on and drink with these comments being made really sounds like you are on thin ice to me. Are you moderating your drinking because of them or because you know it is needed to get your life going in a better direction?

Best to you and good for you cutting back.

Xune

You're playing with fire.

If you drank abusively / dependently / alcoholically in the past and now are drinking moderately...of course your family is worried your going to fall back into old patterns.

It is a rare person who drank "alcoholically" in the past and who then learns to moderate successfully for the rest of their life.

I wish you well in the choices you make.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Elle

If it's only been a few months then you probably need to give them, and yourself more time.

Personally I have always been very sensitive to anyone criticising my drinking habits, that's why I hid the majority of my drinking. Even now, after being completely sober for over 10 months I still don't like people thinking I drank more than I did.

Really though that's all just a reflection of how I feel about my drinking, the shame I feel that I let it get like that. My defensiveness is so much better since I've quit because I have nothing to be ashamed about any more. I have a sense of pride now.

I reckon you should concentrate on how you feel. It isn't your responsibility to look after your families feelings. They will come to trust you in time and that will only come quicker if you are feeling good about yourself x

artsoul

I agree with Auver.... the last thing any alcoholic wants is someone commenting on our drinking. I think it's a reminder of the guilt we feel - if only they knew the internal struggle we go through....

The great thing about sobriety is that the mental battle goes away over time. It really is freeing to go through the day and not think about drinking. You might want to ask yourself why you're still holding on.