sarahbearlost

Not sure if there is a thread on this already. Didn't see any sticky threads.

Soo my question is what do you do when your A is drinking??? Do you act normal? Ignore it? Isolate? Leave the house??

I'm just not sure what to do when she drinks. I definitely don't drink with her or anything like that. I gave up trying to track her drinks or gently remind her that maybe she's had enough. Right now, I'm just trying to act sort of normal but without rewarding her behavior. Just keeping a little bit of distance.

Pelican

I would put distance between us. I would go to another room and get involved in another activity. (got some rooms in my house painted during those days)

Logging onto this website was also a helpful way to detach from the drinking.

ResignedToWait

Staying in the same room with her and pretending to "be cool" and not notice the drinking is just another form of enabling. In the least, now she'll think it's acceptable to drink that much around you, since you "didn't notice".

My personal boundaries are; any at all, and I tell her the reason I'm leaving the room. If she continues, well, that's on her now. I did everything I can do.

choublak

Headphones, if you must be in the same room as them.

choublak

I don't think it's a form of enabling. An active alcoholic will drink regardless and really won't care whether you "notice" or not. If they know it's unacceptable they'll probably hide it somehow (i.e., liquor in a water bottle).

BoxinRotz

I take the dogs and leave the house now.

I used to to play private investigator, argue with a drunk, flatten motorcycle tires and drive myself nuts trying to figure out WTF is wrong with this man?! Not anymore...

thislonelygirl

If the alcoholic is hogging up living space drinking....doesnt seem fair to not be able to live do activities etc in same room plus if you notice and point out what good does that do beside start a fight or hear the alcoholic blame and deny?
I agree with this

thislonelygirl

Its best yo approach the alcoholic not by noticing but just going through your normal routine...if need be then leave

sarahbearlost

If I feel like waching tv and she's in the room drinking, I'll stay as long as I want because I'm just doing my normal routine of activities. If I feel like going to my room, I will because that's normal too. I just really shy away from the idea of actively "punishing" her by saying oh wow you are drinking well then I'm going to leave the room. That doesn't do anything. If anything, it just gives her another excuse to drink. "See what I have to put up with? I'm going to drink some more now."

velma929

If I had left the house whenever my spouse drank, I'd have had to live someplace else.

Freedom1990

I no longer have any desire to be around someone drinking.

PippiLngstockng

Yep, I don't even want to share space with anyone who puts me in the mindset of wondering if they are drinking. I've had enough of quietly looking for signs, being concerned with someone avoiding eye contact, second guessing myself..good riddance to that!!!

sarahbearlost

I used to drink maybe once a month and get a little buzzed with friends. I was never interested in drinking large amounts or very often. Now I don't have any interest in it at all!! I see what it does to people who abuse it and I'm just not a fan of it anymore. It's just sad to me. When I think of alcohol, I think of pain. When I see a bottle, I see addiction and struggles. I feel sad about the whole topic and just want to avoid it.

NeverQuit

When she drinks...everyday... we spend most of our time in separate rooms. I also do not go to her (un)Happy Hours with her "friends" and when her anger comes out and the doors get slammed.. I just leave the house and hang our at a coffee shop for a couple hours till she passes out.

I don't share the cost for booze for her or visiting friends or even for family. I don't buy booze or smokes for anyone.