How do you get through this torcher
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: birmingham uk
Posts: 20
How do you get through this torcher
Hi everyone Im new here and hoping for a little support to get through this awfull time.
My abf got kicked out of rehab after 6 weeks, came home and started drinking again.
I said he had to go as I can't do this anymore it hurts to much. so he said he would go to his mums. later he text and said sorry I phoned him to see if he had got to his mums he said he did not know where he was and he was sorry.
I could hear traffic in the background so he was outdoors that was 48 hours ago, his phone is turned of or the batteries run out.
I feel so bad, I care for him but I cant deal with the drinking.
I am a person that has to take in stray dogs and cats I cant see them on the streets so how can I live with myself when I put my abf out on the street
How on earth do all of you get through this torcher?
My abf got kicked out of rehab after 6 weeks, came home and started drinking again.
I said he had to go as I can't do this anymore it hurts to much. so he said he would go to his mums. later he text and said sorry I phoned him to see if he had got to his mums he said he did not know where he was and he was sorry.
I could hear traffic in the background so he was outdoors that was 48 hours ago, his phone is turned of or the batteries run out.
I feel so bad, I care for him but I cant deal with the drinking.
I am a person that has to take in stray dogs and cats I cant see them on the streets so how can I live with myself when I put my abf out on the street
How on earth do all of you get through this torcher?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Hi Jo, welcome.
Yes it is torture. Hug
We all care for our A's, but caring for someone does not include being tortured on a daily basis.
He needs to get his act together, he has a much better chance of that happening if the people who care for him let him fall.
Posting here, getting into counseling, al anon, being around family and friends, reaching out, those are the tools you can use to help you through this heart wrenching tim.
We are here and we care. Katie
Yes it is torture. Hug
We all care for our A's, but caring for someone does not include being tortured on a daily basis.
He needs to get his act together, he has a much better chance of that happening if the people who care for him let him fall.
Posting here, getting into counseling, al anon, being around family and friends, reaching out, those are the tools you can use to help you through this heart wrenching tim.
We are here and we care. Katie
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello jodane, and pleased to "meet" you 
That is exactly what I was asking when I first joined this website. Like Katiekate said, it's torture. What I did was go to lots of meetings of al-anon, read everything I could on this website, and treat myself with compassion. In my case, I was going thru a great deal of "grief" in the loss of my marriage.
I know it sounds a bit on the silly side, but the "One day at a time" line really worked for me. I focused on just getting over _one_ day. Today. The first few days were an agony, then one day at a meeting somebody said something and I laughed. Then some more awful days, then another joke that I enjoyed.
Little by little, and by sticking close to my program of recovery, the pain faded.
Small things made a huge difference. I bought a small potted plant. Just one. Gave me something outside of myself to care for. I made a goal to buy _one_ small thing to cheer up my apartment every month, which got me out of the place and out in the garage sales and Salvation Army on the weekends.
Today I have a great life. Once in a while I do miss the good times I had with my ex, feel a little sadness for what might have been. That nightmare pain from loosing my soul-mate to addiction is long gone.
I am glad you decided to join us. I found this website to be a miracle when my life turned into a trainwreck. Take a little time to read thru the "sticky" posts at the top of the forum, I found a lot of wisdom there. There is a great deal of kindness and compassion here, so soak up as much of it as you need. These people are angels and they never run out.
Hang in there, it does get better, and faster than you would expect.
Mike
Originally Posted by jodane 
...How on earth do all of you get through this torcher?
I know it sounds a bit on the silly side, but the "One day at a time" line really worked for me. I focused on just getting over _one_ day. Today. The first few days were an agony, then one day at a meeting somebody said something and I laughed. Then some more awful days, then another joke that I enjoyed.
Little by little, and by sticking close to my program of recovery, the pain faded.
Small things made a huge difference. I bought a small potted plant. Just one. Gave me something outside of myself to care for. I made a goal to buy _one_ small thing to cheer up my apartment every month, which got me out of the place and out in the garage sales and Salvation Army on the weekends.
Today I have a great life. Once in a while I do miss the good times I had with my ex, feel a little sadness for what might have been. That nightmare pain from loosing my soul-mate to addiction is long gone.
I am glad you decided to join us. I found this website to be a miracle when my life turned into a trainwreck. Take a little time to read thru the "sticky" posts at the top of the forum, I found a lot of wisdom there. There is a great deal of kindness and compassion here, so soak up as much of it as you need. These people are angels and they never run out.
Hang in there, it does get better, and faster than you would expect.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Welcome jodane! I don't have much to offer except to say that I understand and your use of the word torture is very appropriate. It is pure hell to see someone you love destroy themselves. I had to separate myself from the madness and do a lot of reading and going to meetings to get better but gradually it did happen and now my life is in a very good place. I've learned to take care of me and let God handle the rest.
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