F50Lurker

Hi,
I've been lurking here for a while and it's finally time for me to post. I have got to quit or severely cut down on my drinking, marijuana use and cigarettes. I had a seizure last night - third time this year. Felt fine, then slightly nauseous, then woke up in a puddle of vomit. How hideous!!! I am a proud and glamorous 50 year old lady so dying that way does not appeal to me at all!

I think the booze is interacting with some antidepressants I am taking, but I've taken them for years so not sure why now. I just got a clean bill of health at the doctors office but am going to go marching back there this week and tell them about this incident.

I know I have to quit drinking alone at home, and smoking pot and keep trying to quit cigarettes. My life could be at stake. I have a date tonight, my first date in three years, so I know I am going to drink some wine. But "starting tomorrow," as we all say, I have got to try some sobriety in my life for once! I am a highly functional drinker/user, so my life has not fallen to shambles, but this is very serious stuff that shouldn't be ignored.

I have never tried to quit before so I don't know how hard it will be. I don't think I will be able to be 100% sober - like when I go out with friends, but that is only about twice per month. Mostly I am concerned with, what the hell am I supposed to DO with my self and my time, and how the hell am I going to fall asleep?

Hope to see you around. Thanks for your support.

serious

this is going to be tough. it can be done, however.

i don't know if you want to quit all at once... definitely let your doctor know about your drinking. i was on medication and drank... and that nearly killed me.

try to remove alcohol from the mix first and foremost. it does very significant amount of damage. do speak with your doc.

best of luck to you.

Valll

Dear F50Lurker,

glad to hear that you are going to see your doctor...sorry that you are struggling too.

As far as getting to sleep is concerned, I have never been able to fall asleep very easily ever since I was a small child. Infact I used to have to bang my head on my pillow for hours to stop myself thinking scary thoughts in order to get to sleep as of about 5 or 6 years old...then as a teenager it turned into listening to the radio under my pillow, which I still have to do! I listen to a talk radio (R5live) in the UK......yes I'm strange :>) But it works for me so heyho.

Anyway I just wanted to say that I do understand and I am sure you will get the help and support you need as you sound very focused on getting better.

Val

TrixMixer

Hi 50 and Fabulous,

You sound like me at 60 and still lookin good. To proud not too.

Had I continued drinking don't think I could say the same, hell I might even be dead!

I gave up alcohol at 35 after 10 years of drinking. I was a 3 pack a day smoker of cigs and no pot. SOOOOO first find yourself a good counselor or doctor tell them what you want to accomplish and what you are taking now. Together you will come up with a plan. I know even my counselor said not to even try to quit smoking until I had solid sobriety behind me. If you try to do all 3 at once I think you might be setting yourself up for failure.

Getting sober will take every thing you've got, but as this forum shows it is being done every day--and along with it lives are being saved.

TrixMixer

Dee74

Welcome to SR F50Lurker

D

Hevyn

Welcome F50! You're not alone - many of us drank our whole lives and found that we were putting ourselves in danger by continuing. I never dreamed I'd be able to live without it, but here I am with almost 5 yrs. sober. It felt strange at first, but now I never think of drinking or feel that I'm missing out on anything.

Glad you found us, please keep posting and let us know how you're doing. You'll find some great suggestions here. Please take care.

Obladi

F50Lurker,

Welcome. I'm am a formerly glamorous fifty year old who used to be too proud to look frumpy, but then I became enamoured with booze (also drinking alone at home). One day I woke up with bad skin, too many pounds to fit in any of my clothes and wondering how in the world things got so out of control that I lost my hard-earned flair.

I'll be interested to hear your experiences with giving up with the exception of the periodic social situation. I'd like to try that, but I don't think I'd be very good at it if recent evidence proves anything.

I understand your concern about falling asleep, I wondered about that for myself. So what I've been doing the last several nights is taking my laptop to bed with me and reading here until I finally feel sleepy. There's a ton of reading to do, so it's working for me.

least

Welcome to the family! :ghug3 It's never too late to start living a better sober life.

artsoul

Welcome F50lurker -

I wondered what I would do without alcohol, too. I think that's just part of our addiction. I was really terrified to give it up, but the longer I stayed sober, the more I liked the hangover free mornings, less anxiety, and feeling good about myself again.

In AA, they talk about taking it "one day at a time" (or one hour or minute at a time at first, if you have to). It helped me a lot because it wasn't so overwhelming - I could just focus on the present moment. Glad you're here - there really is life after drinking!:ghug3

noanxtime

WOW - I can relate a bit to your situation. I turn 51 on Monday, I have had nothing to drink for 3 weeks plus. I was 'functioning' at work, still maintained a household, married for a very long time and still am.
I did go sober for over half a year about 3 years ago but got sucked back into thinking I could drink like a 'normal' person. I can't.
It's scary at first thinking what's to do without a drink at hand.
Yes, the prospect sucks, but I have re-found old loves - cooking, hobbies left dormant, excersise.
Anyone need a loaf of home made bread or 4 or 5?
I look forward to becoming a profitable seller of home made goods thanks to a new bill just passed in CA. Something I didn't have the energy for when I was drinking.
You can do it -
You may consider a new Dr or go 'clean' about your drinking with your present one if you haven't already. My Dr. wanted to give me meds for anxiety at first that I knew would not be compatible with the level of my daily/nightly boozing.
Bad liver labs proved my point to him and he agreed to revisit them if at all in 6 months.
This forum and great folks are a godsend for me.
I don't feed so alone now.

Zebra1275

I am a highly functional drinker/user, so my life has not fallen to shambles

YET!

A seizure is serious business! And sorry to point this out, but you're not so young anymore. (And yes, I'm older than you so I'm not picking on you). I've found that my body's ability to recover from the alcohol abuse I put it through, decreased with age. It's inevitable.

The good news is that if you get sober you can get your health back, and then some. In many ways I'm in better shape than I was 25 years ago, it can be done.

Welcome to SR, this place can help you turn your life around.

gigi0310

You are right about waking up one day and your face is drawn and bloated, weight has climbed up, etc.

Alcohol is so glamorized in ads, tv shows and movies. Sometimes these are triggers for me. That is not "real" life but I want a "real" life without alcohol.

Get back to the person with flair and it will replace drinking.



gigi

sugarbear1

Please see a doctor, maybe it's not the booze, etc. that is causing those seizures.

duane1

Let me take a swing at this. You would like to quit for the most part except for a few occasions with friends. You also will quit or slow down tomorrow after your date. So if you go on a second date, will that date also include booze? What if these twice a month occasions ended up being possibly once a week during the holidays. Then you have office parties where everyone is drinking so you would be out of place if you didn't drink on that occassion. What about family get togethers?
You state this could be a life or death thing. 7 months ago, mine was a life or death thing too. Most of us around here have tried the moderation thing. I tried it myself. You wouldn't like the results if we had a poll on its success rate. I went to an old friends house tonight to watch the football game. This is a friend that I drank with for 25 years. Tonight he drank beer, but I drank water. We had a good time. Laughed. 7 months ago, my AV included my friends name on a list of reasons why I couldn't possibly quit. How could I ever be at a party w/ my friends and not drink. We had been doing it since we were 16. Well tonight it was done and turns out my AV was wrong. I don't need to drink to be social, to be liked, to function. All I needed was my old self back and a lot of patience to get back there. Is quitting even a thought you would entertain? Do you consider yourself an alcoholic?

F50Lurker

Thank you, everyone, for your supportive posts and encouragement.

I do have a plan. First, I am going to see an MD this week, no matter what it takes to get an appointment. I will allow them to run any tests they want, EEG, MRI, whatever, and will carry my appointment book with me at all times to be prepared. I have insurance but can also pay anything that needs to be paid, thank God. I can let my boss know that I will need to be going to the doctor a lot over the next week or two at least and that will be no problem, I work for a hospital.

I also have an appointment with a therapist on Tuesday and will pursue that aggressively, starting therapy right away.

I gave away all my pot last night ($60 worth, grrr!) and wrapped up all my nice bongs in tissue paper and packed them away. Too expensive to throw those out just yet. The only alcohol in my house is some light beer, which doesn't particularly appeal to me and I can give to a neighbor. I am out of cigarettes and need to stay that way. In addition to the seizure activity, I have been coughing so bad that I almost vomit in the mornings, and have a terrible wheeze when I lay down at night. I have nicotine gum and I have pretty good luck quitting when I set my mind to it.

I live alone, which scares me, but have a duplex neighbor just a door away and a landlord a house away. All of my friends know what is happening and I've promised to check in with them often and to immediately go next door or call someone if I have any inkling at all that it is about to happen again.

Five years ago, someone I knew fainted in their kitchen. Turned out to have a brain tumor and was dead two years later at age 52. Also, my 57 year old brother died a year ago from complete lack of self care, substance abuse and total disregard for his health or life, knowing he was dying and doing nothing to help himself. I do not want that to happen to me.

Thanks, people.

F50Lurker

I also want to say, I hear what everyone is saying about maintaining total sobriety vs the dangers of trying to moderate.

I know you are right.

Just give me some time to get there mentally, okay? Thanks.

artsoul

Don't think about staying sober "forever" - it's too overwhelming at first. Just be determined to get through today, no matter what. You'll find that the strength you gain from getting through one day will help you deal with the next one.

Good for you for making some solid plans.... it's always hard to ask for help, but we're worth it, right?!!

Obladi

F50, you are showing tremendous strength doing this all at once. I'm glad you came back and posted and hope you'll continue to do so.

And I can complely understand the need to "get to" thinking long term in regard to abstinence. I've been there. In fact I don't think about future plans because if I did I know the internal battle would start to rage. It's enough for me to get through now and let the future worry about itself.

F50Lurker

For anyone who reads this, I wanted to just follow up. I got everything checked out fully.

The seizures turned out to be fainting episodes caused by too much sugar on and empty stomach - likely caused by drinking sugary wine, skipping dinner and then gorging on candy after smoking pot. How stupid is that? I've made a LOT of lifestyle changes since then.

I stopped drinking sugary white wine entirely and have no desire at all for what was my lifelong drink of choice. I have had an occasional two drinks, either red wine or beer, but have stopped at two and many nights have no alcohol at all. I find I really feel so much better without it, it's amazing!

Still smoking some pot but much less than before. I have made significant healthy changes to my diet, as well. I avoid sugar like the plague but make sure I have a full stomach if I do indulge in sweets. In general, I make sure my blood sugar doesn't get low and that I'm eating protein-filled foods. Because I'm not drinking 500+ calories of wine every night, I have easily dropped about 7 pounds. Also have continued to try to quit smoking! AND have been seeing a counselor once per week. I have taken steps to increase getting out of the house and pursuing hobbies that involve sober, healthful activities.

I can't tell you how much better I feel physically. It really was a wake-up call about how much I was damaging my body out of boredom, loneliness or lack of motivation. I will still have my challenges in life but I face them much better when I have a clear head, not one that can't even see straight past 6:30 pm or remember how I got home last night.

Many thanks to everyone here for everything you do.

sugarbear1

Thanks for letting us know how you are doing!

I stopped weed and alcohol entirely at the age of 50. It CAN be done!

Glad you are here!!