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Hello again! SO problems

Old 01-04-2013, 02:33 PM
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Hello again! SO problems

Hey there, its Conga, I have been on this site many years ago but this is the first time I am really making a commitment for sobriety. Lets see I did not drink any alcohol 20 days in Dec, considering i had my b-day and Xmas and new years I think I did OK. It was funny because a lot of my gifts were alcohol related including a 26er of rum and a rugby shirt that says Irish drinking team (for life) on it !!!. Oh and a 6 pack of beer. I have not had a drink so far this year (4 days) but who is counting.

The biggest issue I am having is my so is not pleased about me not drinking. She thinks I am boring and am going to leave her once I sober up. I think she likes me drunk and on the couch (passive). She likes to drink her wine every night and so does her oldest son (26) so they sit and drink at night while I sit and watch movies or whatever trying to be sober. She and her son's went on vacation for 2 weeks in December and I had no problem's not drinking. I was happy and proud of myself. Now I feel awkward and don't know what to do about it. Her son popped a beer last night and the sound almost drove me to have one myself. I don't expect them to to stop drinking just be a little more sutler about it for a while.

I also go to bed earlier and they wake me up eating food late at night etc. I almost feel like I need to move into my own place to be at peace with the new me. I love being sober, I feel better and have way more money for fun things. I would love to hear what others think , will it get better or will she just think I am a boring fuddy duddy. I don't think I am boring just because I want to not drink and go to bed early. I play drums in a pink floyd cover band and love boating. So I am not the party guy she first met but is that so bad?
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:17 PM
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Hi Conga,
Sounds to me like you need to have a serious, honest talk with your SO and ask her if she would like to continue your relationship in your sobriety. If she answers yes, then I would suggest setting some boundaries as you proceed. For example, more courtesy late at night while you are sleeping...

Some say when we get sober our active friends may shun us because they are afraid of their own drinking issues. If you are both drunk, no one has to face the music.

I wish you well - that is a tough situation and in the end, if you want a truly sober life it has to be the MOST important thing in the universe to you. Above all else. Including family and significant others who threaten your success.

Best to you...keep us posted.
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:30 PM
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Hang in there conga, and man your post. This is your time to shine,
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:30 PM
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Good for you for your sober time!

Have you talked to her and her son about your feelings? I think, in a relationship, any change (like sobriety) can cause anxiety. Change is scary and the best way through it, is to talk about it. Would it be possible for you to go to another part of the house while they are drinking? It sounds like you need to do some soul-searching and figure out what you really want out of this relationship.

I would not be able to live the way you are in early recovery, and now I would never want to live that way.
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Old 01-04-2013, 05:41 PM
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Hi Conga

Well, my infinite wisdom comes from 28 years of marriage out of my 50 years alive. Now that I am sober, I don't think I could live with a woman who drinks.

Maybe you somehow become a better person when you drink, and your wife misses that personality. I became belligerent when drunk. Maybe she also has a drinking personality that you can live with. My first wife would have done anything to support sobriety, and my second wife is now sober with me.

Good luck! I live nearby--holler if you need help!
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Old 01-04-2013, 06:12 PM
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People do change and it sounds as though you feel good about your changes. I agree that you need to have a frank and hbnest talk with your SO about what each of you wants. If you like the sober you and SO is not on board - it may be time to move on. Hopefully SO will support your decision and new lifestyle.

Good luck.
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Old 01-04-2013, 07:50 PM
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Thanks everyone , I am hearing a constant message. The problem is me and my so have a hard time talking about anything important. As long as we stay away from family, money and lifestyles we are good! Anyway I will be back in a few days, I off to the boat!

Thank you.
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Old 01-04-2013, 08:15 PM
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Easy does it...

Get yourself recovered, give her and yourself a chance to get used to that new way of life you have chosen. These kinds of changes are life altering. Give her a chance to accept, or not, that.

If you need her to be quiet after lights out, mention it to her... That's a reasonable request... But how she feels about your not drinking, well... If you live honestly, honor your vows and treat her the way you would want to be treated, than you've done what you can do. From there on, it's not up to you.

Congrats on your new found recovery!
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Old 01-04-2013, 08:24 PM
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I agree with the other posts. Maintain your sobriety, and maintain your boundaries.
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