Chicago1975

Greetings,

First, I will say that I have not yet started, but I am making steps today (including posting here) to begin.

I have been drinking more than I should for probably 10 years now. At first it was only 3 or 4 beers/day, plus more on social occasions. It started when I was working from home, and unhappy with my life. I had the house to myself all day and it seemed to make things more tolerable if I had a few beers in the afternoon.

I eventually left my husband and, while living on my own, there were days that I didn't drink at all (I was now working in an office), and other days I would have a couple after work -- I felt that I was ok.

A few years later I made a huge change in my life (bigger than the previous one!). I moved to a new country and married. I found that I couldn't get a new job as easily as I had hoped, and just generally didn't make the transition very well, and my husband had a well stocked liquor cabinet. A few months into our marriage there were a few occasions where he would come home from work and find me taking a nap in the afternoon, and plenty of other times where I was glassy-eyed and/or slurring. I told him this was because I hadn't eaten and have low blood sugar (somewhat true, but was not the reason for my state at those times). He eventually noticed that liquor was missing, or watered down, or didn't taste like what it was supposed to because I had refilled a bottle with something cheaper. We had numerous talks about my problem - I mostly tried to blame him, tell him I wasn't happy, and sometimes threaten to leave.

Last year I finally admitted that I needed to make a serious effort to stop this destructive behavior. I went to stay with my Mom for 10 days, during which time it was impossible for me to drink. I felt some withdrawal symptoms around day 3, but nothing serious enough to seek medical attention. I returned home and was feeling better about myself than I had ever, maybe. BUT, my husband and I both thought that it was just a matter of drinking too much and now that the habit had been broken we could resume our social lives, etc, so there was the occasional bottle of wine with dinner or few beers once or twice a week.

Now, after gradually increasing my consumption over the past year, I am back to drinking way more than I should. I have stayed away from the hard alcohol, for the most part, since the previous year, but regularly have my first beer while he is in the shower in the morning, and then have 6 - 8 more through the day. I no longer drink to the point of getting drunk (aside from the odd social occasion) - my husband doesn't suspect anything. But it is definitely taking a toll on my life: my husband and I aren't as close as we should be because I am distant due to the secrecy and desire for privacy (I look forward to him leaving the house so I can have a drink), I am not nearly as devoted to my responsibilities as I should be (not making a very serious effort to find a job, letting bills lapse due to laziness, not keeping up with housework, etc), I am spending WAY more money on this than we can afford, my son is now at the age where he notices that I drink more than the average adult, I have gained 40 lbs, the list goes on....

Thinking about the reasons in a list, as I just did for the purpose of making this post really makes it hit home - the ability to be honest with strangers who may or may not read this, (but will probably understand where I am coming from, if they do read it) is why I feel like coming to this forum will be a big help.

The other step that I have taken today is to decide to try Campral. I have read a LOT of shining reviews for this medication and it seems like it may be just what I need. It wasn't easy to get, as I have no insurance and no primary care doctor. I am almost certain that if I was to go to a clinic, I would be referred to a treatment program, which we definitely cannot afford without insurance. I found Campral on what appears to be one of the very few reputable online sources (investigated the whois info, read a lot of reviews, etc - I spent most of the day on this) and am now anxiously awaiting it's arrival. A lot of the reviews say that it worked wonders, but only in conjunction with support. I am not an AA person - I tried it, but felt that I couldn't relate to the others there, since I had not hit rock bottom or they were nothing like me in terms of demographic, etc. So I am hoping that I can find the support that I need on the internet.

If you have read this far, THANK YOU! I hope to report back with progress very soon, and will be reading for inspiration in the mean time.

Thanks again!

Wharf Rat

Good luck in your journey. I too find that AA people are nothing like me either...I have more money, a better job, better home, better clothes, better education, ect. But unlike anyone else in the world, they know what its like to be a slave to alcohol. Maybe give them another shot until you can find better support?

mittens2020

Let me be the first to welcome you and wish you success. I am still new to sobriety, but if your story sounds a bit like me. No one really knew how much I was drinking b/c I hid it so well. I wish you success and, if you need to talk, just drop me a line. I can tell you, SR has a lot of great people who are super supportive. It is why I am still trying.

Natom

Hey Chicago,

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like you got complacent about your drinking. Complacency is very dangerous to addicts and alcoholics and can trigger relapses that last for years or lead to death. Just out of curiosity did you start working the program in AA or did you just go to meetings? It will only work if you start working it. And the only reason no-one in those meetings was like you is because you didn't want to see yourself like that. You need total, and I mean total admittance of your problem. It doesn't matter what you do or do not have. The only thing that matters is that you want to sort your problem out.

Natom.

escapist

I was prescribed Campral two years ago. It will only work if you do not drink. Sounds kind of funny does'nt it. When I went to my Dr I was getting pie eyed drunk every day. I would wake up , take Campral and wait for it to erase my craving. I only gave it a few hours to work its magic. I researched the drug. It is used primarily for people who are leaving rehab. If you want it to help, you are going to have to stick to a detox. If you drink on it it won't help you.

Dee74

Hi Chicago

I really recommend you see a Dr.

if they decide to prescribe you Campral all well and good - but don't play Doctor yourself by ordering online.

Not all meds are suitable for all people.

D

Ohio1

Hey Chicago I felt a little odd at AA also- people were talking about their bottoms and I really didn't have any event I could point to and say "yea I'm here because ____". There were even some people very surprised I still had a drivers license and a job.

There were also people driving Mercedes and more importantly have an inner peace that makes me swear they never had a problem with booze....