sadstate

Well I should have known. Ah finally started going to AA about 4 weeks ago after a horribly bad vacation, where he got drunk and chased me around the resort. So drunk when leaving I had to wheel him around the airport in a wheel chair. Great enabler that I am. I should have left him on the curb!
He knew when we got home, that I'd had enough. We have been going to church, me to alanon and him to AA since we got home from the vacation. He came home from a friends house tonight and had been drinking. I flew off the handle and reminded him of the horror I went through 4 weeks ago. So I really dont understand the whole alaon thing yet. What am I supposed to do, accept that he is drunk and go on about my business... taking care of myself? Not be mad tomorrow, act like nothing is wrong? I am furious !!!! He is a binge drinker. Only drinks once or twice a month but when he does he acts stupid around our friends and embarrases me terribly. ( and lately has been getting mean when drunk) I am so sick and tired of living the double life. We have a wonderful life, very active in the community, have wonderful friends, a beautiful home and everyone thinks we are the perfect couple. Everyone highly respects him. If I leave, I will be leaving my whole life that I dearly love. We are in a very small town, so we both cannot stay here. He works here so I would have to be the one to leave. We are over 50 and live in a community where everyone drinks socially, mostly wine. I really do not know what to do. I do not have a sponser yet and dont know anyone to call and cry on a shoulder because no one really knows what I go through. Although since his drinking has escalated in the past year, I'm sure some of our friends are wondering. Sorry this is so long , I just have to vent.

Pelican

Here are some steps that helped me:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

At your Alanon meetings, do they have a call list? I just moved and on my second visit I asked about the call list. The alanon call list is a list of first names and phone numbers of members who are willing to take calls.

I remember the time I was so overwhelmed with life changing decisions to make, and I couldn't focus long enough to make any decisions. I finally picked up the 100 lb. phone and called someone from the phone list. She listened to me while I cried and listened to my concerns over making the right choices. This is what she asked of me:

"Do you have to make all these decisions by 3 p.m. today?"

No. I did not.
I didn't arrive in my situation of a 14 year marriage to an active alcoholic, children, mortgage, debt, debt and more debt. It was going to take time to get myself out of that situation. I just needed to do the next right thing.

One day at a time.

cr995

Sad state - I am sorry you are feeling like this. You actually have the answer there in what you posted ...

So I really dont understand the whole alaon thing yet. What am I supposed to do, accept that he is drunk and go on about my business..

You need to go to Al-Anon for a while longer to 'get it' . And yes that is exactly what you are supposed to do ' go about your own business.'

By the time I arrived at Al-Anon I was furious - all I wanted to do was stick a knife in AH and there was everybody talking calmly about their day - it took months and months for me to understand the whole concept.

Sadly I had left it too late and the marriage was over by the time I got to the doors of Al-Anon - I know if I had been able to practice detachment I would still be with my husband because at the times I had unknowingly practised it - it had helped - but I was impatient, I expected immediate results, but its not too late for you.

This situation took a while to develop and it will take a while to improve. You are in the right place - the best place for help. Keep posting . We have all been there.

Tuffgirl

You can still have all this, no one is telling you to leave this guy. But if you stay, acceptance and detachment are key to living with an active addict. And that's where the Al-Anon program comes in, along with a huge amount of resources available to find a path that allows you to continue enjoying your life and stop reacting to everything he does (or doesn't do).

Are you supposed to then just shut up and color? No - that's not what this is all about. Its not accepting unacceptable behavior from your husband. It's recognizing you do not have any control over him, his actions, his choices, or his addiction.

But you can control you, your perspectives, emotions, thoughts, and actions/reactions.

Keep going to Al-Anon; it took me a good 6 meetings before it clicked for me. I am so grateful I kept going, it saved my sanity.

m1k3

Yes we do, everyone of us here and at Al-Anon has gone through this in one fashion or another. That's why I am here and why I go to Al-Anon. Because I finally found a group of people who do understand and do get it.

We are here to help each other and share our experience, strength and hope. To help all of us start to live a sane and serene life again or for some of us, the first time.

Your friend,

Katiekate

He can move just as easily as you.