Bghchelsea

Well, here I am. Finally reduced to talking to myself on some random site I found on the internet. My name is Chelsea. I am 22 years old and live in New Jersey. I have a wonderful job in a salon and I work damn near every day. I have a younger brother and an older sister. I have a boyfriend whom I have been with for quite some time. His family means the world to me and I wouldn't want to give them up for anything anyone could ever offer me. My father left before I was born. I could pass him on the street without even knowing it. Doesn't bother me much. On occasion I wonder what he is like, if I look like him.. I am more hurt and saddened that I will never be a "Daddy's little girl". That always did bother me. Then... there is my mother. She is the reason why I have signed up to this site. This is a last resort for me. My mother is an alcoholic and a drug addict. She is 53 years old, a long time nurse and truly a wonderful mother. Now, when I say that, I mean my REAL mother. Who she is now is an empty shell of a person who only cares about herself, making her children feel bad (particularly me because I am the closest to her), blaming all her problems on everyone else. Long story short, she has been an alcoholic my ENTIRE life.. I mean, from as long as I could remember. My first memories of her: My mother and I sitting in the backseat of my friends moms car because she had to save us from my mothers abusive boyfriend. She was completely wasted, spilling her drink all over this woman's car. When I turned 15 I started to cut myself. It felt so good to deal with that pain in this way. My mother found my cuts and called the cops. Cops came and took me to the hospital. I was thankful for being taken away from my home. A couple of hours later, my mother showed up drunk as I've ever seen her. I yelled and screamed as blames all of it on her. All my pent up frustration all my hurt and anger from my younger years. Off with DYFS I went. Short story shorter, I went to a couple of different places before I ended up back at home. Fast forwarding to now. My mother had just relapsed after a year of being sober. She came so close to getting her year chip in August. That was the happiest year of my life. For the first time, I was able to learn, watch and want to be my mother. I learned that she is a hard working woman who would do anything for her children. She is funny, laughs a lot and is very matter -of-fact. The love I had for her then was the most beautiful thing I have ever obtained. Then, a very close friend of hers died and that sent her into relapse. Since then, it has been drinking and drugging every day and night. She has lost weight, doesn't eat... Just drinks and snorts pills. I have come to this forum for guidance. I love her and I am watching her die. I have been to AL ANON and found that I could never truly express how I feel. She is killing herself. I hate that she is so sad and depressed. I hate that I cannot help her. I miss my mom. I cry and obsess over her. I don't know how I will be able to cope with her death. Especially since her demise will be because of her additions. Help me, please. Give me guidance. I have tried to talk to her like an adult and scream at her as my child self would. I bed for her to get help... but she won't go. I need advice, loving words that will make me feel okay... what do i do.... If you have read all of this, I thank you. If you reply with something...anything.. I am eternally grateful. Your's truly, Chelsea.

escapist

I am so sorry Chelsea. My daughter has been with me through my drunk periods. We are doing well now but I know I made her sad when I was drinking like a fool. There is a friends and family forum here. You might want to check it out. Take care dear.

artsoul

Welcome Chelsea -

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Addiction is especially hard on families and I can only imagine how you're feeling. Was your mother in any kind of program or rehab during her year sober (did she have any sober friends you could call?)

I'm glad you're here - it's really important to get the support you need, whether through AlAnon, counseling, or a site like this. While you're here, check out the section for Family/Friends of Alcoholics. There are so many who know what you're going through. (There's also a section for children of alcoholics).

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Amy2011

Thank you for your post. My children are 11 and 13. I will have 2 years sober in March. I also grew up with an alcoholic mother who still drinks. My contact with her is limited due to her drinking. Your post reminds me of why I need to stay sober. I don't want your story to be the story my girls tell one day. I hope your mom finds sobriety again soon. You sound like an amazing young woman. Please don't allow your mom's struggles to become yours. Take care of yourself first. Good luck and thanks for reminding me why I choose to be sober.

Delilah1

Hi Chelsea,

I am so sorry for all you are dealing with. I am a mother of three, my kids are 9,8, and 5 and they are my motivation to remain sober. My dad was an alcoholic growing up, and I loved him dearly, but saw alcohol slowly destroy his life and eventually lead to an early death. I didn't want that for my kids.

Have you shared how you felt during your mom's year of sobriety with her?

I am attaching a link for the friends and family section, you will find lots of support there. Also, have you considered attending an Alanon meeting to help support you.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I will keep you in my thoughts.