kam00096

Need to stop clicking on 'new posts' rather than 'newcomers to recovery'. Am barely on day one and am scared by all of the anger that seems to be around on this site. I don't know whether this is something that has increased since last Feb when I first joined or whether I am just noticing it more this time around but quite frankly I'm looking for support and understanding not negativity. Or maybe I'm just feeling guilty about putting my family through hell again :-( Either way no more family and friends posts for me!

tehmazzyland

on the main page the title to this thread came up as:

"Keep accidentally..." and I clicked to see if the sentence ended "...drinking"

I was almost disappointed :P

But I hope you can stick with the positive vibes of the not drinking sections... The best, most positive thing we can do - is not drink.



[edit - I was trying to put it like Dee put it... sorry if it sounded flippant...]

Dee74

All of us come here at various points in recovery whether we're the addict or the loved ones.

All reactions are valid I think, but yeah there's obvious reasons why we have separate forums - it's probably best to avoid threads that upset you

The thing to remember is no one there is mad at you personally, Kam

D

Anna

Dee is absolutely right.

There is room for everyone here and we all have different feelings.

If you feel most comfortable here in the Newcomers forum, then we'd love to have you hang out here.

kam00096

Thanks Dee! Didn't mean to cause any controversy but you're right! Am just feeling like the whole world is mad at me personally tonight! And clearly also a lil bit sorry for myself.

Xune

I don't feel any underlying tension or anger around here. I like this place.

I took some advice from a moderator and avoid the threads that may not be for me.

Delilah1

Hi Kam,

Glad you posted here, sorry you are feeling that way tonight. I have found tremendous support on the newcomers forum, hope you keep posting here!!

Zee

You are not alone... I was amazed and scared at the F&F section... I also go to the 'new posts' and inadvertantly hit on a few F&F threads. Its just the other side of the coin. We are here on SR for ourselves, as are the other section... Just take what you want and leave the rest

misterritter

I have never read anything in the friends and family thread, but how can I stay away with an intro like this. I think it may be good to see some idea of what people have had to put up with. It seems like it may motivate me to not drink, and I could definitely use some of that. Hope it goes well.............

Xune

I visited that area for a bit, thinking that I could provide some perspective as the drunk. My posts, from what I recall, were kind of ignored and direct questions I'd ask went unanswered.

I didn't take it personally, but I've a feeling that that area is used heavily for venting and for like minded support.

My perspective anyway and now I just keep my nose out of there.

doggonecarl

While I could delude myself my addictions and alcoholism, I couldn't delude the people that knew and cared about me.

I do read the Friends and Family threads to remind me, this isn't just my alcohol problem. I've made it their's too, by my drinking.

nomis

Anger and resentment, yep that sounds about right for those people that have a loved addict in their life. I certainly don't blame them after the hell that we've put them through. They have every right to vent and let out steam in their forum, and for me personally, I find it an invaluable perspective in my own recovery. But, different strokes for different folks I suppose.

Zube

It shows that a lot of us are sick. Some by alcohol, some of alcohol.

Zube

Midlifecrisis

I've read some of those posts and cried. Because it gives me an insight into how I've made people feel, mostly my husband. I've cried and felt so guilty but I need to go through that. I did it, I can't change the past, only the future and I need to forgive myself. If anything, reading those threads has given me more determination to get well.

soberlicious

I also read and sometimes post in the F&F section. I don't use the term to identify myself, but in some circles I'm known as a "double winner"...a drunk who has lived with/loved other drunks or a "codependent drunk"...in any event, I've both caused pain and suffering and been on the receiving end of it. and to be honest, sometimes the truth hurts. It is what it is.

I can tell you one thing...the "New Years Eve Codie Party" in the F&F of Substance Abusers section was great LOL I don't care who you are, that sh!t is funny!! Finding the humor in dark times can be very cathartic.

SeekingGrowth

Speaking as one of the "family and friends" (my son was a heroin addict), I greatly appreciate it when regular posters to this forum (or the Substance Abuse or Alcoholic forums) participate in threads on the Family & Friends forum. I know I'm not alone. It is helpful to me and others who love an addict but are not personally struggling with the disease to hear the perspectives of someone who is. I regularly read this and the Substance Abuse forum because I want to understand. The more I understand, the more likely it is that I will make the best decisions. There are several people who regularly post to the Family and Friends forum who are recovering addicts and also struggling with active addicts in their lives whom they love. Because of their own personal experiences with addiction and recovery, I find their views to be invaluable.

It is true that some people on the F&F forums say some pretty harsh things. They are hurting. It is hard not to take the lies, betrayals, and manipulations that are so often a part of this disease personally, especially when you are giving so much of yourself in an effort to keep the person you love from self-destructing.