Depression & the Recovering Alcoholic
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Depression & the Recovering Alcoholic
RAH has been sober nearly 18 months but he has a history of battling depression that dates back many years into his early adulthood. Although alcohol became a major problem in his life, I know for sure that the depression came first. He has been attending AA for the full 18 months, has a great sponsor that he relates to very well & who also works a solid program & seems to really be guiding RAH toward finding his own path in sobriety. The fact that he is comfortable enough to reach out to his sponsor & ask for help when needed or TALK AT ALL to anyone is a pretty significant step for him; so I have crazy respect for his sponsor JUST for getting through to him in that way.
New Years ended up being more challenging for him than he anticipated & really highlighted that although he has been doing great at managing his alcoholism, just quitting drinking doesn't give him tools to deal with other stressors & that just quitting isn't enough to fix everything..... all the things he used to stress about still exist, many issues are worse after his years of drinking (finances, etc.) and since his go-to solution over the years has been to just keep drinking more, he ends up freaking out when he is overwhelmed & can't shut down the stress. And then the cycle just gets aggravated further.... his freak-out leads to loss of sleep, then to less rational thought or feelings of control, & eventually leads to feelings of greater stress. He sets himself back every. single. time. But he's not relapsing either & for that I am thankful so I tread very lightly most of the time.
It's terrible to watch him go through these "growing pains" (that's what I call it anyway) because I'm almost exactly the opposite.... I've worked for years to develop tools to help myself with this type of thing. I'm open for almost anything if it will help... on the other hand he's rigid & seems unwilling to try ANYTHING even if he's seen results. (Like he saw my acupuncturist ONCE, she helped him in countless ways that left him astonished & shocked at the improvements in such a short time but refuses to go back!) I'm a new-age city-girl & he's definitely more old-school, country-boy. I've joked that I can't lead a horse to water if he already lives at the damned lake.
One thing I've learned is that the best thing for me to do is to stay out of it, he's not going to accept my advice or suggestions the same as he would if the same info came from other sources... and to continually harp on it just feels terrible, gets us nowhere & somehow comes off like I'm berating him for not being as strong or capable as I am, which is the furthest thing from my intentions & couldn't be less true. I've given him a dozen suggestions for starting points but there's definitely some kind of disconnect when the info comes from me.
So I'm interested to hear about any other A's out there who have also battled depression & what methods are helpful without the alcohol to numb it away. How do most A's 'round-out' their quest for sobriety when meetings & talking with other A's isn't enough?
New Years ended up being more challenging for him than he anticipated & really highlighted that although he has been doing great at managing his alcoholism, just quitting drinking doesn't give him tools to deal with other stressors & that just quitting isn't enough to fix everything..... all the things he used to stress about still exist, many issues are worse after his years of drinking (finances, etc.) and since his go-to solution over the years has been to just keep drinking more, he ends up freaking out when he is overwhelmed & can't shut down the stress. And then the cycle just gets aggravated further.... his freak-out leads to loss of sleep, then to less rational thought or feelings of control, & eventually leads to feelings of greater stress. He sets himself back every. single. time. But he's not relapsing either & for that I am thankful so I tread very lightly most of the time.
It's terrible to watch him go through these "growing pains" (that's what I call it anyway) because I'm almost exactly the opposite.... I've worked for years to develop tools to help myself with this type of thing. I'm open for almost anything if it will help... on the other hand he's rigid & seems unwilling to try ANYTHING even if he's seen results. (Like he saw my acupuncturist ONCE, she helped him in countless ways that left him astonished & shocked at the improvements in such a short time but refuses to go back!) I'm a new-age city-girl & he's definitely more old-school, country-boy. I've joked that I can't lead a horse to water if he already lives at the damned lake.
One thing I've learned is that the best thing for me to do is to stay out of it, he's not going to accept my advice or suggestions the same as he would if the same info came from other sources... and to continually harp on it just feels terrible, gets us nowhere & somehow comes off like I'm berating him for not being as strong or capable as I am, which is the furthest thing from my intentions & couldn't be less true. I've given him a dozen suggestions for starting points but there's definitely some kind of disconnect when the info comes from me.
So I'm interested to hear about any other A's out there who have also battled depression & what methods are helpful without the alcohol to numb it away. How do most A's 'round-out' their quest for sobriety when meetings & talking with other A's isn't enough?
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Columbia
Posts: 22
Hello, Firesprite. I have found myself avoiding AA meetings like the plague lately. First, I can't be as open as the round meetings that are provided, and second, the stories just started getting repetitive. I have a depressive past that resonates with what you stated, and I am still finding days to be hard. The busier I am, the less I think about drinking. I am starting to work out more, set a goal for running half marathons, or maybe a triathlon. My honeydo list around the house is steadily growing, and I write in a journal with the Bible by my side and.....just......read. Listening to multiple types of addiction show me that other people have it too, not just me having MY problems, but no matter what addiction, it happens to every human being! Above all, keep up the good work. Support will go a long way! If everyone works together, anything can be done!
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