secondwind

Today is the day the ugliness of addiction leaves the house.

I am happy. There was such a sense of relief when i woke this morning.

I am letting God handle the details. It is not for me to worry about or try to put in order.

I am sad... "why couldn't Addicted Other worked the program and got into recovery before it came to this?" I know why... because he wasn't ready to. That has been hard to accept.

The very same reason I continued to act the way I did and continued to live in dysfunction. Because i wasn't ready to stop.

There have been moments these past few days that I have cried out to God to grant us both a magical cure so all this can be forgotten.

But i know it isn't going to be granted. I prayed last night for strength, for peace in the heart, for Him to watch over Addicted Other, and for His will to be done with me.

I can not say I won't cry after I drop Addicted Other off at the door this morning. Grief is normal and expected. I just can't stay stuck in the grief.

This is my day, my year. It will only be as good as I make it.

Carrie

The Belle Of The Ball

interrupted

Wow. This is a very inspirational post. Your recovery is shining! Thank you for sharing.

Kindeyes

Make this your mantra.....every single day.

Your post made me smile this morning. I understand the bitter sweetness. But I absolutely LOVED the line quoted above......it is simply stated and so very true.

We'll walk with you.

gentle hugs
ke

secondwind

I did it.

I dropped Addicted Other off and left him in the hands of God.

My last words to AO - Thank you for going.

AO's last words to me - There is Hope.

I watched him walk in with his head hanging down. I got the sense that he truely has surrendered and is ready for the work that lays ahead.

I cried. For myself.

Then i came home. And being a codependent wanting to help heal someone... i called the blood bank and made an.appointment to give blood.

thank you all for walking with me right now.

Carrie

The Belle Of The Ball

helpme33

When I was growing up in the deep South the tradition was that women did not work. Regardless of the income of the husband, a woman's job was the family. I wanted to attend college and I was told it was a waste of time and money as I would just get married and raise a family. I did just that! Later, dealing with my AH, his family was outraged that I would even considered a divorce. I was told by my minister that I had married for better or worse and we would get pass this rough spot in our marriage.

Today women have more choices but in my area, even in my family, the primary job for the female is still keep the family together at all costs.

I always felt like women were expected to be some kind of little demi gods. I felt so much guilt because I walked away from an abusive relationship. I felt even more guilt when my son started abusing at an early age.

The first thing I would recommend to anyone dealing with an AO is find a way to get pass the guilt and drop the problem in the AO's lap, where it belongs.

I wish someone had told me many years ago, 'you didn't cause it, you can't fix it'. Because that is so true!! It is not selfish to think of your own well being. The people that were telling me I was wrong to walk away had not lived in the hell I was living in.

Be strong and don't look back - look for the positive and be happy for the peace you will find without an AO. We all deserve better!!! It is sad but you can do it!

(((huggs and blessings for us all)))

lightseeker

wow.....good for you. I also know that you are hurting right now even if you did what was necessary. It takes a whole lot of strength to do what you've done and I'm glad that you didn't wait any longer. I waited a long time to do it and just wish that I had made my changes sooner than I did. However, you make a great point - none of us are ready until we are ready.

What a great idea to go and give blood. You are really taking the fork in the road and travelling forward! Keep us posted - we're here for you.

crazybabie

I am glad that he went and now you can focus more on you. Your way ahead of me when I got here your a smart lady and you will be OK.

shockozulu

I'm glad that he went. I prayed last night for your peace and serenity.