lalabean

I just met a recovering oxycodone user a few months ago at school. At the end of the semester, we hung out and now text each other constantly and have hung out a bunch. I'm not sure how long he's been in recovery, but I assume over a year. He regularly goes to AA meetings and loves them.

However, I'm far from perfect. I used to dabble in plenty of drugs, but I stopped without any outside help - I got bored, over it, realized they were a waste of money, and started focusing on school and work. I have been in some weird romantic relationships that led to me prostituting myself (albeit only three times) in order to gain acceptance... although this was 3 years ago. I was sexually abused throughout my childhood and still live with my abuser. I still drink. A lot. And I often get veeery drunk. I'm 23 and beginning to tire of this lifestyle as well, and am suddenly interested in finding new ways to spend time and socialize.

For the past few years I have been majorly changing myself. I'm maturing, growing up, and understanding my own issues and confronting them. I really believe I'm on a path to become a successful and happy person... but despite this, I am still troubled and sink into waves of depression. I'm afraid my poor decision making and neediness will cause him to relapse if we become something. He seems very far away from ever touching anythig again... he's been to the bar with me plenty and never drinks or seems to even be interested. He loves his meetings and invited me to go. And I would possibly if I let go of my ego and my fears/embarrassment.

I really like this guy. I'd never let him touch a drink or a drug if I could help it and if he even expressed a desire to. I want to pursue a relationship with him and would try and understand what he's going through, and wouldn't label him an "addict," but as a person. But I'm not 100% healthy -- but then again, who is?

Any advice would be immensely appreciated!

Kindeyes

Let go of the fear and embarrassment. It's serving no useful purpose. Try a few meetings out. You may find that the friendship you find there is what you need to further your life's goals. NA and AA are wonderful fellowships that have a slew of activities that don't involve drinking or drugs. You may also find that the meetings help you with your own issues.

There's a saying in those rooms.....if you hang out in a barber shop long enough, you're bound to get a haircut.

Hanging out in bars is not the healthiest place for this young man to go. But his recovery is up to him. He's the one who will decide if you are toxic for him.

gentle hugs
ke

Freedom1990

As a long-term recovering alcoholic/addict, I can definitively say I was not capable of being half of a healthy relationship as long as I was still drinking/drugging.

Even after I successfully completed rehab, I still tried to fill that "hole in my soul" with men/sex/relationships.

Just my personal experience.

devastated

Wow, great post. Reading it reminded me of my grandaughter who is only 24years old, and is now on her 4th child, none of which she has with her. Drugs!! Unfortunately, she is not even trying to get her life together yet.

Sounds like you do definitely need to let go of the fear and embarrassment, and concentrate on the fact that you are now confronting your own issues.

My wish is that you try to go with this friend to the meetings.

I believe God puts people in your life for a reason. This must be the answer to the prayers you have been sending out. Nothing just happens by chance, there is a reason for everything.

Good luck, I'm going to pray that you get completely healed. Don't waste another minute

Prayers heading your way,
Devastated