StepOne2013

Hi Everyone,

Happy New Year! Well not so happy for me. I'm feeling so I'll, depressed, miserable, etc. I've been regularly going to AA for the past 6 months after finishing outpatient treatment. I relapsed last night (fifth of vodka). A friend picked up me and my wife for dinner to meet some other friends. I walked in drunk and we had to leave out of fear I would get sick. I'm tired of living this life. Everything is a lie...I haven't had more than a month and a half of sobriety at a time. While I feel like this today, by the end of the week I'll be ready to take another swing at drinking. I can't control my thoughts. When the urge comes to, I act on it. My marriage is falling apart and I don't know who I am anymore. I'm just not that stable. I have vowed to make this the last time. I'm ready to give up drinking and live a happier life. If anyone could share some experiences, specifically with multiple relapses in recovery, it would be greatly appreciated.

Dee74

Hi StepOne

The fundamental thing I had to do was accept I was an alcoholic and that I simply couldn't drink if I to be the man I wanted to be and live the kind of life I wanted

Support was vital too, so I'm glad you've added SR to your recovery arsenal

Maybe you need to look at why the support you've had so far hasn't
been enough? how can you improve it?

essentially...what else do you need to do?

D

least

Welcome to SR! I was a serial relapser, thought I was a hopeless loser and would die a drunk. But I wasn't and I didn't. I just finally surrendered to the fact that I could not drink at all, not even one. I just got sick and tired of always being sick and tired. I was sick of waking up feeling like sh!t, sick of hating myself, sick of spending my money on something that just made me feel bad.

When it got to that point I finally gave in and quit for good and have been happily sober for three years now.

You can do this too, but you've got to want it with all your heart and give it all your effort.

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, StepOne. You're not alone in this - we've all walked the same path.

I tried for decades to manage my drinking. I couldn't imagine life without it. I don't know why - since in the end it brought me nothing but misery and danger. I spun out of control every time I picked up - and did out-of-character things. I knew I had to stop or die. That was my motivation. No more fooling myself that I'd ever be a social drinker.

You can have a new life without the poison - you don't need it. We're so glad to have you join us.

davidssister

It is my first day today too, and we can do this.

Xune

Simple question;

Have you accepted that you cannot drink alcohol...ever?

Once I understood and accepted that alcohol was no longer an option...I found freedom.

StepOne2013

Thanks everyone for the replies. I took all of them to heart and I'm determined to pull something positive out of this relapse. We can do it Davidssister and we will do it! Xune, your comment is dead on. No, I haven't. I always try to leave an out so that I can return to drinking if I want. I have never got close with anyone in AA including my sponsor, out of fear that my out would be compromised. At 22, I didn't imagine my life looking like this. I went to a meeting this evening and talked to some of the guys I know. They were all very helpful and I have found a new hope. I can do this...it's going to take work, but I want it. I want the lives all of you are able to live because of sobriety.

neferkamichael

StepOne, Today is Day One? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations and Happy New Year.

4WWWW

Hello My Friend,

I tried off and on for over 20 years. I was functional for the most part, blew a lot $ and lied to many while concealing my drinking. I just turned 50 and have been sober since Sept 17.

I cant have just one drink. I use to drink alone often in my garage, office or while on the road working (at the Hotel Bar or in my room).

I have been to 10 AA meetings since Dec 26. Right now I have no urge to drink. My main problem is dealing with the wreckage I have caused over the years. Lots of guilt.

Taking 1 Day at a Time. Hope to build a healthy, productive, sober past from Sept 17 through tomorrow and so on.

Good Luck!
_____________________________________

Staying Sober > Any Temptation

BoozeFree

Welcome. I also have had too many day 1s to even try and count. Now coming up on 3 months. What really made a difference for me was truly accepting I'm an alcoholic and can't drink like " normal" people. Also changing people, places, things ect.

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

firestorm090

Great way to start the new year!!!!

I 'slipped' so many times trying to get sober that I began to believe some jerk was secretly tossing out banana peels wherever I went. Then I finally realized I never really wanted to stop drinking, I just wanted to stop the pain, the consequences, and the feelings of failure that went hand in hand with the booze. I never wanted to give up my 'good times'. I'd stick my hand in the proverbial fire time and time again, at first only getting hot a bit, then a few blisters, then the burnt and charred remains of my fried hands, only to apply a little lotion and stick them in again. Goodness Gracious......

I think for all of us, we eventually reach a point where the price of having just a drink, a few after work, or a couple cold ones with our buddies far outweigh the amount of money we have and then we seek help. It's like seeking help is the absolute last thing we want to do, and even after being forced to face ourselves, we hide once again in the ole bottle to escape what we see. Once we hit the wall, we are then able to seek the help we need and hold on for dear life. The help is available, we just have to listen.

Delilah1

You have already received lots of great advice, and seems like you are taking some good steps by logging on here and going to a meeting.

I had to make a point to plan alternate activities at the time I would normally pour that first glass of wine: exercise, reading, logging on here, catch up on shows I had on DVR. I was always busy until the kids went to bed, so it was the next few hours that I knew I had to be planned for, pretty soon those plans became habit.

Welcome!

mayham

Today is my first day. I'm not coping with not drinking n its part of my probation. Its hard n I hate having to deal n come to terms that I'm a alcoholic.

shockozulu

That's when I remember to focus on TODAY. Today I'm not going to drink. I'll deal with tomorrow, tomorrow.

StepOne2013

So things have been going well. Working on day 3 today. I can generally put off temptation to use for about 3 weeks following a relapse, the memories are always so clear. I also decided to kick another addiction I've had for a long time and haven't had a desire great enough to quit...chewing tobacco (well dip). Gross...I know! I haven't used dip in 2 days, the cravings for that are much stronger. I did pick up some nicotine gum to help me through the workday without blowing up. It helps, but I'm trying to use it sparingly...I don't need another addiction. Things are going well, but the nicotine withdrawal has made me tired. I'm going for a lifestyle change this time. What I've been doing hasn't worked so far. I always seem to fall pray to temptation after a short period of sobriety. Not this time! I want to live a better life. Allow my future children to enjoy and embrace childhood. I'm quitting chew for just that reason. I need to take back control of every aspect of my life from alcohol and tobacco. I know I've got to turn it over to my higher power and that is just what I've done. Anyways, I've been struggling to pick up the phone and call my sponsor to let him know I relapsed. I wanted to tell him face to face, but I haven't seen him at meetings. I have trouble calling him already, and really have trouble calling after a relapse. I want this time to be different. I want to hold on to the dream of a better life. This has been a clean start for me and I've been juggling around the idea of getting a new sponsor. I asked my current sponsor, an older gentleman and old-timer, the night of my first AA meeting. I think this may have been a mistake. I think I may have a better recovery with direction from someone around my age (early 20's). Any thoughts or ideas on how I should notify him of my relapse and/or go about getting a new sponsor?

sugarbear1

It's not the meetings, it's not the sponsor, it's you who needs to do the actions necessary to stay stopped---work those steps! Talk with people, get a network of people you call regularly, call your sponsor regularly, work with your sponsor, use the phone before you drink....hang out with those people! Reach out to the guy with less days than you and talk with them....

Take a good honest look at you!!

Those steps saved my life!

If you really can't work with your sponsor, let them know you have a new sponsor. Thank them for their time.

It's not that difficult, it's about saving your life.