My mum is slowly dying. maybe a bit long sorry
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: brisbane
Posts: 4
My mum is slowly dying. maybe a bit long sorry
Hi. Newbie here *waving*. My mum (62) has been an alcoholic for 30+ years. Her drug of choice is Scotch and gets thru 1 - 2 bottles of this a day. Not sure what she is doing at the moment, but for the past month she has stopped eating and says that when she tries to eat, she brings it back up. I have had her stay at my house recently and her pattern is: sleep for a few hours, drink, go back to sleep for a few hours, drink etc. I have tried everything to get her to talk about what's happening to her and she says that the alcohol is taking away all of the pain in her body. I asked her what pain she was talking about and she reckons her legs are too sore to walk on and her back is in agony. She refuses to look at how the alcohol has contributed to where she is at at the moment and is in complete denial. She has also been in and out of rehabs over the past 30 years, but always went back to drinking. Today when i went to visit her with my toddler (her grandchild), she was laying in bed and could barely speak. She said that she is going to see her doctor tomorrow to find out what is going on, but this is always the excuse and then she just gets more pills for something or other. She has had probably a mouthful of food in the past week.
She has never been happy, and it feels to me that she is just wallowing in her own misery waiting to die (sorry if that sounds harsh but i am quite angry at the moment!). Mum refuses to do anything about the booze and i said that i would ring her an ambulance to take her to hospital (which she point blank refused). The last time Mum went to hospital was for a collapsed lung (2 packets of ciggies a day) and the only way she went to hospital was for police to come to her house and do a take down and physically restrain her to make her go.
I'm at a loss as to what to do now. I just want to shake her really hard and make her wake up to herself. I love her, but now i find that i have to grieve for my mother who is just about dead!! This is so ridiculous and stupid. The world is such a beautiful place with so many amazing things to see and do. Yet, there is my mum, laying in her bed, surrounded by empty scotch bottles and ashtrays overflowing. I was a junkie when i was in my twenties and i didn't have anyone around who tried to help me. I did it myself. So, it makes me even angrier that my Mother has lots of people that love her and care about her, and yet, there she just lays....
She has never been happy, and it feels to me that she is just wallowing in her own misery waiting to die (sorry if that sounds harsh but i am quite angry at the moment!). Mum refuses to do anything about the booze and i said that i would ring her an ambulance to take her to hospital (which she point blank refused). The last time Mum went to hospital was for a collapsed lung (2 packets of ciggies a day) and the only way she went to hospital was for police to come to her house and do a take down and physically restrain her to make her go.
I'm at a loss as to what to do now. I just want to shake her really hard and make her wake up to herself. I love her, but now i find that i have to grieve for my mother who is just about dead!! This is so ridiculous and stupid. The world is such a beautiful place with so many amazing things to see and do. Yet, there is my mum, laying in her bed, surrounded by empty scotch bottles and ashtrays overflowing. I was a junkie when i was in my twenties and i didn't have anyone around who tried to help me. I did it myself. So, it makes me even angrier that my Mother has lots of people that love her and care about her, and yet, there she just lays....
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Hi - I wanted to welcome you to our family! You are part of family now.
I am sorry for your situation.
I am sure others who have lots more experience than I have will be along to post soon and offer some wise words.
Perhaps you cannot change your mum, but you can change the way that you deal with her and this will make your day to day life better, less worry, anger and anxiety.
I wish you the best and hope you continue to post here.
Much love to you xx
I am sorry for your situation.
I am sure others who have lots more experience than I have will be along to post soon and offer some wise words.
Perhaps you cannot change your mum, but you can change the way that you deal with her and this will make your day to day life better, less worry, anger and anxiety.
I wish you the best and hope you continue to post here.
Much love to you xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Hi suuny.
There is nothing you can do to stop your mother drinking.
You could possibly call her doctor and let the doctor know what you see is going on? I've thought about doing that with my XAH (ex alcoholic/addicted husband) but for me the ramifications would be horrendous - he would go off his head and I would have to suffer more abuse, so I haven't. Maybe one day...
You need something for you. Try Al Anon, there are groups near you and read the sticky threads at the top of this sub forum.
PM me if you like.
There is nothing you can do to stop your mother drinking.
You could possibly call her doctor and let the doctor know what you see is going on? I've thought about doing that with my XAH (ex alcoholic/addicted husband) but for me the ramifications would be horrendous - he would go off his head and I would have to suffer more abuse, so I haven't. Maybe one day...
You need something for you. Try Al Anon, there are groups near you and read the sticky threads at the top of this sub forum.
PM me if you like.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: brisbane
Posts: 4
hi guys. Thanks for the replies. Nice to feel a part of a family 
Lulu, yes, I am going to go to to the doctors with her tomorrow and hear what this quack has to say that just keeps feeding her pills! Thats if Mum lets me, if not, then i know that i tried. For the last time. I am getting used to the fact that I am going to watch her die from a distance as i have my own boundaries in place. I can't change her and i knew that from the age of 10 when she used to ask me to get her a glass of wine and i would half fill it with water. To which, she would notice the difference and tip it out and make herself a good one. Oh well, life goes on and if you can't appreciate your opportunity in this world to live life to the fullest - then thats your problem. Harsh, but true. No matter how much trauma you have experienced and those reasons drove you to be addicted to something, there has to be some point where you stop using that trauma as an excuse!
Lulu, yes, I am going to go to to the doctors with her tomorrow and hear what this quack has to say that just keeps feeding her pills! Thats if Mum lets me, if not, then i know that i tried. For the last time. I am getting used to the fact that I am going to watch her die from a distance as i have my own boundaries in place. I can't change her and i knew that from the age of 10 when she used to ask me to get her a glass of wine and i would half fill it with water. To which, she would notice the difference and tip it out and make herself a good one. Oh well, life goes on and if you can't appreciate your opportunity in this world to live life to the fullest - then thats your problem. Harsh, but true. No matter how much trauma you have experienced and those reasons drove you to be addicted to something, there has to be some point where you stop using that trauma as an excuse!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Sunny, Welcome to SR!
I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. I hope that someday she may decide she wants recovery. One of the hardest things I had to learn early on is that I had absolutely no control over whether or not my stepson drinks or uses drugs. Sadly, no amount of talking, pleading, begging, tears, nagging, or ultimatums had any affect on what he did.
A very good, basic bit of information that helped me very much when I first arrived at SR is this:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
We also have a wonderful forum where adults share and find healing from having grown up in a household with active addiction. Also, very sadly, You are definitely not alone in having a parent who is an addict or alcoholic.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Please make yourself at home here! Although I hate the reasons why, I'm glad you found us!!
I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. I hope that someday she may decide she wants recovery. One of the hardest things I had to learn early on is that I had absolutely no control over whether or not my stepson drinks or uses drugs. Sadly, no amount of talking, pleading, begging, tears, nagging, or ultimatums had any affect on what he did.
A very good, basic bit of information that helped me very much when I first arrived at SR is this:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
We also have a wonderful forum where adults share and find healing from having grown up in a household with active addiction. Also, very sadly, You are definitely not alone in having a parent who is an addict or alcoholic.
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Please make yourself at home here! Although I hate the reasons why, I'm glad you found us!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: brisbane
Posts: 4
wow thank you for the replies. wish i had of come here ages ago! what i'm going through is really hard to explain to friends because they have no idea what i'm talking about, and i have been told by most of them 'just ignore her, stay away from her because there is nothing you can do'. I understand this, but just talking about it in a place like this with people that 'know' makes it a hell of a lot easier
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Hi suuny, I have grown up with a Mom who is mentally ill, and am finally coming to terms with the damage its done in my life that I've ignored for many years.
She's been on another manic alcohol binge since September. It's heartbreaking, isn't it?
The only thing I did this time was tell her she can call me for help anytime; a ride of the psychiatrist, pharmacy for meds, or to a hospital for a psych eval. Other than that, I am done. We haven't spoken since late October - no birthday wishes for me or my girls (her granddaughters), no Xmas with her, etc. But I have peace in my life, and am free from the heavy burden of propping her up. She's a grown woman; she needs to live her own life, and so do I.
Keep coming back; it really does help talking about it all.
Peace,
~T
She's been on another manic alcohol binge since September. It's heartbreaking, isn't it?
The only thing I did this time was tell her she can call me for help anytime; a ride of the psychiatrist, pharmacy for meds, or to a hospital for a psych eval. Other than that, I am done. We haven't spoken since late October - no birthday wishes for me or my girls (her granddaughters), no Xmas with her, etc. But I have peace in my life, and am free from the heavy burden of propping her up. She's a grown woman; she needs to live her own life, and so do I.
Keep coming back; it really does help talking about it all.
Peace,
~T
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