celticgenes

Hello, and Happy New Year, SR,

I'm volunteering for misery, and just need to vent some sadness. Almost a year out, and I broke down and contacted my AXF. He's no longer acting insane, still maintains the right to drink, and for some godforsaken reason I miss him????

I think I miss the illusion of having someone who knows me well (and viciously exploited that fact during our breakup). God help me, I have gone to the hardware store for bread. .

I think I'll be able to stop chasing my losses (as Melodie Beattie says). When i mentioned to my kids that I had seen my ex, my daughter started to cry, and became furious.

I think the loneliness, holidays, and stress have just gotten to me. I pulled back an invite to the X to spend tonight together. I think it's just me and the Twilight Zone marathon.

Happy, healthy 2013 to all, myself included.

Freedom1990

You have awareness, dear, and that is growth. Sometimes we just have to put our hand back on the hot stove as another lesson.

Quiet New Year's Eve at my house with redbox movies and my beloved zoo crew of four-legged "kids." The snow is starting to come down as the winter storm approaches, and I feel pretty cozy in my warm home!

Best wishes to you for a happy New Year too!

Tuffgirl

Ok, I could use all the cliches here - you fell off the codie wagon, went to the hardware store for bread, had to touch the flame one more time to remember it burns, etc and so on...

but really - you had a lesson validated, and it was obviously one you needed to learn right now. Be gentle to yourself.

Hugs,
~T

Redheadsusie

Oh Gosh- I am so sorry- you remind me of myself. We all miss familiarity for some reason - I have fallen backwards many times - we are human. I am trying to listen to the people who really love me - my kids for one - like your daughter loves you. They want what is best for us truly. They see how pained we were when we were with them and the thought we would start that again. My sons get upset with me too when I appear to have good thoughts about AH. Just try to take one day at a time - be good to yourself - you are worth it! Hugs,

Katiekate

Next!

It's all good sweets, Happy New Year!

ZiggyB

Hi celticgenes-
You probably miss him because there were no doubt good times that you shared together. It is difficult to resist the urge to contact them but at least you didn't allow yourself to get sucked back in. I'm going to be spending a quiet evening at home by myself. For the past 3 yrs. axbf and I were together on New Years Eve so I know it will be difficult. Hang in there!

Confetti

I think that the holidays are tough. We get sucked in to old memories and happier times and think (even if only for a split second) things could be different. I have been relatively good, but this past week has been an emotional roller coaster from hell. ....and I have barely spoken to STBXAH other than regarding child visitation! Be gentle with yourself ... The holidays will be over shortly and hopefully my (and everyone who is struggling currently) recovery can get back on track.
Sending you happy thoughts.

dollydo

"I think I'll be able to stop chasing my losses (as Melodie Beattie says). When i mentioned to my kids that I had seen my ex, my daughter started to cry, and became furious."

I sincerely hope so...for you...and your family. I do understand why your daughter feels the way she does, been there with my mother. Her poor choices really effected me.

My best for the New Year!

Diva76

Thank you so much for sharing...
Lately, I also find myself "romanticizing" my last relationship...
Maybe it's the time of year or something?
I think it's really hard when you shared a history with
someone...
I waited 9 months before I contacted my
ex-boyfriend and when we did speak it didn't
even sound like him anymore...
Like you, I felt the sting all over again too...
And yes, it hurt like hell, but at the same time it made me realize
how much better off I am...(in spite of some of the good times we had...)
Think of it this way, you learned a lot making that one phone call...
And a whole lot more since you distanced yourself from him for almost a year...

I know for me, the distance helped me gain a healthier perspective on things...
And, I bet it can for you too...

Thank you again for sharing...
I hope you feel better soon...

Linda

celticgenes

Thank you, thank you, thank you all! I do happen to feel much better now. I got my kids off to their parties, and I'm on the couch with one of the dogs. The Twilight Zone marathon on Syfy is excellent as usual.

I do struggle with being gentle with myself, thanks for the support. It truly helps to know that people really understand.

Happy 2013 to all.