Almost 3 weeks sober - I needed a medical wake up call!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 131
Almost 3 weeks sober - I needed a medical wake up call!
I am so glad I found this site - first off.
Where I am at -
I am turning 51 in a week.
I have a supportive husband who has also quit with me, although he is not as 'bad' as me, and thinks I am not as 'bad off' as I know I am.
Stopped drinking December 15 after routine lab work showed liver enzymes 3X over 'normal' limits. I came clean with the Dr. about my drinking when he leaned towards a battery of Hepatitis panels (which he did order eventually and they came out negative). I have an ultrasound in a couple of weeks that he says may find a 'fatty' liver.
For the previous 6-8 months, I have been drinking more than my usual 2 BIG glasses of wine per night with my husband. (16oz+ glasses of boxed wine). I drank late at night and into the early a.m. hours, in the afternoons/mornings on the weekends. I 'hid' my 'extra' wine in cups and other dishes I knew my husband or grown daughter wouldn't discover. Read= gravy boats, jelly jars etc. I was in fact busted about a month ago by a very pi$$ed off husband who inadvertently grabbed a half-full cup of wine up in the cupboard. I downplayed the frequency of how often I did this and he forgave me.
My year(s) in a snippet.
Had worked over 10 years for a company that seemed to have a future but has gone downhill, horrible boss, working for/with idiots and eventually lost that job. Not from drinking, however I did drink more, got less sleep, bored, unhappy.
I have had 4 jobs this year, the one I have now, I was actually recruited for after a long search by my new boss who used to be a customer. It is a huge international company that owns the place I work at. I am part of the 'new order' as this company is making huge changes, has already 'weeded out' personnel that did not adhere to their strict standards. My new boss reassures me that I am valuable, have a purpose etc. But every day brings challenges. I curbed the drinking when I first got the job, but over the last few months, it started to escalate bit by bit. I worked with a really toxic person and my boss has since done things to keep us separated for the most part, which I am very grateful for.
What has happened since I stopped drinking in these short few weeks (I did quit for 7 months a few years ago, so I am not totally new to sobriety).
1. Lots more energy and focus back on the things that need to be done - like housework, yard work etc.
2. The crippling anxiety and panic attacks - including driving and eating are virtually gone.
3. The 'old' me coming back. The insecurities and depressive thoughts are replaced with positives. Feeling more 'normal'.
4. Physically, I feel I look better, face less puffy, skin better.
There are more, but you get the drift.
What I am still struggling with:
Sleeping is hit or miss and I go to bed late. The booze was a means to an end, but of course it wasn't restful sleep, it was closer to just being passed out.
I take melatonin tabs, but it seems less and less effective. I am up to 15mg with virtually no effect. I have taken dyphenhydromine allergy tabs that help but would prefer not to take them.
I drink herbal tea and take hot baths once in awhile. My husband set up our exercise room a few days ago, and I know working out again will help.
What I don't miss about drinking:
Being a danger to myself - I have hurt myself badly in numerous ways that could have been much, much worse.
Not being able to remember TV shows, conversations, what I said or was said to me etc.
I don't have any family outside my husband and a grown daughter and a couple of supportive friends. My parents are both gone, and I have 2 sisters I haven't seen in over 15 years and are estranged from.
I would like to find more people to associate with and feel I am at a place where that will happen more easily now.
Sorry so long, I could have written a novella.
Thanks for reading...
Where I am at -
I am turning 51 in a week.
I have a supportive husband who has also quit with me, although he is not as 'bad' as me, and thinks I am not as 'bad off' as I know I am.
Stopped drinking December 15 after routine lab work showed liver enzymes 3X over 'normal' limits. I came clean with the Dr. about my drinking when he leaned towards a battery of Hepatitis panels (which he did order eventually and they came out negative). I have an ultrasound in a couple of weeks that he says may find a 'fatty' liver.
For the previous 6-8 months, I have been drinking more than my usual 2 BIG glasses of wine per night with my husband. (16oz+ glasses of boxed wine). I drank late at night and into the early a.m. hours, in the afternoons/mornings on the weekends. I 'hid' my 'extra' wine in cups and other dishes I knew my husband or grown daughter wouldn't discover. Read= gravy boats, jelly jars etc. I was in fact busted about a month ago by a very pi$$ed off husband who inadvertently grabbed a half-full cup of wine up in the cupboard. I downplayed the frequency of how often I did this and he forgave me.
My year(s) in a snippet.
Had worked over 10 years for a company that seemed to have a future but has gone downhill, horrible boss, working for/with idiots and eventually lost that job. Not from drinking, however I did drink more, got less sleep, bored, unhappy.
I have had 4 jobs this year, the one I have now, I was actually recruited for after a long search by my new boss who used to be a customer. It is a huge international company that owns the place I work at. I am part of the 'new order' as this company is making huge changes, has already 'weeded out' personnel that did not adhere to their strict standards. My new boss reassures me that I am valuable, have a purpose etc. But every day brings challenges. I curbed the drinking when I first got the job, but over the last few months, it started to escalate bit by bit. I worked with a really toxic person and my boss has since done things to keep us separated for the most part, which I am very grateful for.
What has happened since I stopped drinking in these short few weeks (I did quit for 7 months a few years ago, so I am not totally new to sobriety).
1. Lots more energy and focus back on the things that need to be done - like housework, yard work etc.
2. The crippling anxiety and panic attacks - including driving and eating are virtually gone.
3. The 'old' me coming back. The insecurities and depressive thoughts are replaced with positives. Feeling more 'normal'.
4. Physically, I feel I look better, face less puffy, skin better.
There are more, but you get the drift.
What I am still struggling with:
Sleeping is hit or miss and I go to bed late. The booze was a means to an end, but of course it wasn't restful sleep, it was closer to just being passed out.
I take melatonin tabs, but it seems less and less effective. I am up to 15mg with virtually no effect. I have taken dyphenhydromine allergy tabs that help but would prefer not to take them.
I drink herbal tea and take hot baths once in awhile. My husband set up our exercise room a few days ago, and I know working out again will help.
What I don't miss about drinking:
Being a danger to myself - I have hurt myself badly in numerous ways that could have been much, much worse.
Not being able to remember TV shows, conversations, what I said or was said to me etc.
I don't have any family outside my husband and a grown daughter and a couple of supportive friends. My parents are both gone, and I have 2 sisters I haven't seen in over 15 years and are estranged from.
I would like to find more people to associate with and feel I am at a place where that will happen more easily now.
Sorry so long, I could have written a novella.
Thanks for reading...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
The reality is that you knew you were as bad as you know you are...and don't forget it.
Even two years from now, if your husband says ' you know, you really weren't that bad.'
Remember...you really were.
Even two years from now, if your husband says ' you know, you really weren't that bad.'
Remember...you really were.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome noanxtime!
Congratulations for getting sober.... 3 weeks is a major accomplishment! I think you'll find, like I have, that being here will give you added support and motivation. I could relate to so much of what you said.
It really does get better and better, so keep up the good work! :ghug3
Congratulations for getting sober.... 3 weeks is a major accomplishment! I think you'll find, like I have, that being here will give you added support and motivation. I could relate to so much of what you said.
It really does get better and better, so keep up the good work! :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR noanxtime! 
I am sure you'll find this place supportive and useful to you on your sober journey. Well done on 3 weeks! You are doing fantastic. Have you had any support at all? Did your doc not refer you to someone who could help or recommend AA?
Glad you're here x
I am sure you'll find this place supportive and useful to you on your sober journey. Well done on 3 weeks! You are doing fantastic. Have you had any support at all? Did your doc not refer you to someone who could help or recommend AA?
Glad you're here x
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Best wishes! I was on a train through Modesto in 1978, with my first New Year's Day hangover. My wife and I are now sober for two months (I'm 50). This past fall, my wife had a bout of yellow eyes and scary colored urine.
I started my exercise program Sunday, and already see an improvement in sleep.
I started my exercise program Sunday, and already see an improvement in sleep.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 131
Thank you and yes, my Dr. did discuss AA and a couple of options. It may sound trite or an excuse, but I don't think a group would be a good fit for me right now. My mom was an alcoholic for many years. Hardcore and couldn't function. She was admitted to a rehab facility for 90 days after she drank a bottle of listerine mouthwash when she didn't have any money for booze.
Prior to this, she had tried AA and felt defeated and 'smothered' by her sponser who was very nosy and judgemental.
I know this is not typical, and there are those of you that will disagree with me, and that is fine. AA has worked miracles in peoples lives and I understand that. Sometimes AA reminds me going to one of those 'home parties' like Tupperware or Mary Kay and while not really wanting to be there in the first place (but feel 'obligated' to the host for whatever reason), you don't want or can't afford what is being sold but you go to the 'party' anyways all the while planning your sheepish retreat when it's all over.
I am not easily convinced - but willing to hear anyone's experiences or veiwponts.
Prior to this, she had tried AA and felt defeated and 'smothered' by her sponser who was very nosy and judgemental.
I know this is not typical, and there are those of you that will disagree with me, and that is fine. AA has worked miracles in peoples lives and I understand that. Sometimes AA reminds me going to one of those 'home parties' like Tupperware or Mary Kay and while not really wanting to be there in the first place (but feel 'obligated' to the host for whatever reason), you don't want or can't afford what is being sold but you go to the 'party' anyways all the while planning your sheepish retreat when it's all over.
I am not easily convinced - but willing to hear anyone's experiences or veiwponts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Have you been to a meeting yourself? I ruled it out early on myself but am glad I changed my mind. The thing about AA is really no one wants to be there initially so you do hear a lot of horror stories. Most people spend their first few meetings looking for evidence that they don't belong there and can be very defensive. I know I was. You absolutely don't have to go though, there are lots of alternatives x
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Welcome!
I was always a closet drinker, so I know a thing or two about hiding places for wine...and about having those hiding places discovered. The thing with alcoholism is that pushes shame and guilt into your life so often and that can lead to the vicious cycle of drinking to feel better.
You've made a great decision to stop drinking and we do understand how hard this is. There is lots of support here.
I was always a closet drinker, so I know a thing or two about hiding places for wine...and about having those hiding places discovered. The thing with alcoholism is that pushes shame and guilt into your life so often and that can lead to the vicious cycle of drinking to feel better.
You've made a great decision to stop drinking and we do understand how hard this is. There is lots of support here.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Your feelings about AA seem common on SR. I have some trouble with the old traditions too, but try to just go with the flow. Sometimes, it's impossible. Last week at the men's meeting we were reading about living your life in a good way (Step 12 in the 12 & 12 book). I had to read this part about how every man in his right mind should marry a woman, and these two gay guys started snickering. Then I read on, something about "mighty urges," and I just cracked up laughing and was unable to finish.:rotfxko
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Thank you so much for posting this---it made me smile for the first time all day. Not about your health condition or the challenge ahead of you, today is my first day sober in a long time and I had a similar health scare that led me here.
What made me smile was your story of using the gravy boat as a hiding device for wine. I did that a few months ago and, at the time, was simultaneously horrified and thrilled with myself. Horrified that I was hiding wine in a gravy boat and thrilled with what I thought was my never-ending creativity when it came to hiding booze.
Needless to say, I have found hidden glasses and cups of wine all over not only my own house, but the homes of people I used to visit regularly who I was trying to hide my addiction from by drinking "normally" until they went to bed and then trying to find my hidden cups and glasses. I was usually in blackout mode by the time I started squirreling away the goods and having other people find them after I forgot where they were was likely one of the more humiliating things that has ever happened to me.
Anyway, I am new here but your story made me feel less so tonight. It dropped the shame back a little bit. So thank you for that. Good luck with your continuing recovery and best wishes for the New Year.
What made me smile was your story of using the gravy boat as a hiding device for wine. I did that a few months ago and, at the time, was simultaneously horrified and thrilled with myself. Horrified that I was hiding wine in a gravy boat and thrilled with what I thought was my never-ending creativity when it came to hiding booze.
Needless to say, I have found hidden glasses and cups of wine all over not only my own house, but the homes of people I used to visit regularly who I was trying to hide my addiction from by drinking "normally" until they went to bed and then trying to find my hidden cups and glasses. I was usually in blackout mode by the time I started squirreling away the goods and having other people find them after I forgot where they were was likely one of the more humiliating things that has ever happened to me.
Anyway, I am new here but your story made me feel less so tonight. It dropped the shame back a little bit. So thank you for that. Good luck with your continuing recovery and best wishes for the New Year.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Welcome noanx!
That was good and very true. What had me laughing, (and I almost, didn't thank goodness, but almost spewed coffee all over the screen and keyboard,) was your analogy of AA to home parties! Now that is funny, I don't care who you are! That one is a first and I thought I had heard them all! I was forced to go to a combo AA/NA meeting in rehab and actually quit rehab after three days over it. I stayed sober just fine but they didn't give me an option and said that I could not stay in the dorm alone! Two weeks later after SR and reading here about the different flavor of different meetings and the enthusiasm from the AArs here, I found a perfect group for me and went to both of their meetings every week for three months. But I can say that even though I was ready to walk out of the one I was forced to attend, it did seem like a home party if you look at it with that filter in that way. I was not there for anything but the fellowship with others who understood. I was already quit from in hospital detox, so was not looking for encouragement to quit, but to help me see what was normal and what wasn't, and to make some sober friends. It worked for all that and after three months I decided I had gotten all I needed from them. That was Sept 2010, and I did get invited to get my one year coin but declined the two year coin only because I am not really AA anymore even though I recommend them as a first step to everybody. But that is only because it worked for me. It is not for everyone, short term like me, medium, or long term. But I was not going to miss any bases in getting sober.
Welcome aboard! You will fit right in, I look forward to reading more of your posts!
That was good and very true. What had me laughing, (and I almost, didn't thank goodness, but almost spewed coffee all over the screen and keyboard,) was your analogy of AA to home parties! Now that is funny, I don't care who you are! That one is a first and I thought I had heard them all! I was forced to go to a combo AA/NA meeting in rehab and actually quit rehab after three days over it. I stayed sober just fine but they didn't give me an option and said that I could not stay in the dorm alone! Two weeks later after SR and reading here about the different flavor of different meetings and the enthusiasm from the AArs here, I found a perfect group for me and went to both of their meetings every week for three months. But I can say that even though I was ready to walk out of the one I was forced to attend, it did seem like a home party if you look at it with that filter in that way. I was not there for anything but the fellowship with others who understood. I was already quit from in hospital detox, so was not looking for encouragement to quit, but to help me see what was normal and what wasn't, and to make some sober friends. It worked for all that and after three months I decided I had gotten all I needed from them. That was Sept 2010, and I did get invited to get my one year coin but declined the two year coin only because I am not really AA anymore even though I recommend them as a first step to everybody. But that is only because it worked for me. It is not for everyone, short term like me, medium, or long term. But I was not going to miss any bases in getting sober.Welcome aboard! You will fit right in, I look forward to reading more of your posts!
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