Not alone
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
Not alone
Hi, I found you all through a google search, what to do with a high functioning alcoholic. My husband doesn't drink during the week as he works third shift, but man, come Friday morning he is on a tear and will drink away Friday and Saturday both. We sometimes bicker when he's sober but have full blown fights when he is drunk. He buys, hides and drinks vodka. When he's drinking only beer is easier to get along with, but when he's drinking vodka I can tell because he gets snippy, tries to pick fights, says things he doesn't mean, etc.
I dream of a life without him, but alternately love him and am committed to my marriage vows. I knew he had a problem when I married him, just not that it would get worse or continue, which is my mistake. We have two little girls and are able to contain the worst of the fighting to keep it away from them.
I am just so sick of it. Sick of fighting, sick of being alert to how much or what he is drinking and thus modifying my own mood and responses to be as non inflammatory as possible...
He isn't in denial completely, he knows he needs help but hasn't reached out for it. He told me last week on Sunday, before he had to go to work, that he had a problem. I said, I know you do, so get some help, tell me what I can do. He didn't have an answer to that. He walked out on us in September and when he came back promised he would go to counseling with me but never did. He says now that he doesn't need marriage counseling. I feel that 95% of our issues as a married couple stem from his drinking. Even our intimate life has suffered because as much as he may want to he can't perform when he's drunk (and do I really want him to? NO).
I drink too, not as much as I did when we met, but I come from a family of social drinkers and don't mind having some beers or wine with everyone. The difference between him and I is that I am able to have a beer and then switch to pop or water knowing I have to drive him home (he hasn't had a drivers license in the 12 years we have been together due to three DUIs before we met). I am able to stop drinking even if there are still beers in the fridge. I don't have a problem never drinking again if that is what it takes. He can't not drink, if there is alcohol in the house he consumes it. He can't think, well, I should really slow down because I have to go to an event, he doesn't function that way. He came to our daughter's church Christmas pageant pretty buzzed and just reeking and then had a huge fight when his parents said something to him about it (they don't drink at all).
I don't know why I joined this board, just to spew out this story I guess. I am so disgusted. I love him so much, when he's sober. And hate him so much when he's not. I need help but don't want to leave him. Co dependent, enmeshed, you betcha.
Thanks for reading.
I dream of a life without him, but alternately love him and am committed to my marriage vows. I knew he had a problem when I married him, just not that it would get worse or continue, which is my mistake. We have two little girls and are able to contain the worst of the fighting to keep it away from them.
I am just so sick of it. Sick of fighting, sick of being alert to how much or what he is drinking and thus modifying my own mood and responses to be as non inflammatory as possible...
He isn't in denial completely, he knows he needs help but hasn't reached out for it. He told me last week on Sunday, before he had to go to work, that he had a problem. I said, I know you do, so get some help, tell me what I can do. He didn't have an answer to that. He walked out on us in September and when he came back promised he would go to counseling with me but never did. He says now that he doesn't need marriage counseling. I feel that 95% of our issues as a married couple stem from his drinking. Even our intimate life has suffered because as much as he may want to he can't perform when he's drunk (and do I really want him to? NO).
I drink too, not as much as I did when we met, but I come from a family of social drinkers and don't mind having some beers or wine with everyone. The difference between him and I is that I am able to have a beer and then switch to pop or water knowing I have to drive him home (he hasn't had a drivers license in the 12 years we have been together due to three DUIs before we met). I am able to stop drinking even if there are still beers in the fridge. I don't have a problem never drinking again if that is what it takes. He can't not drink, if there is alcohol in the house he consumes it. He can't think, well, I should really slow down because I have to go to an event, he doesn't function that way. He came to our daughter's church Christmas pageant pretty buzzed and just reeking and then had a huge fight when his parents said something to him about it (they don't drink at all).
I don't know why I joined this board, just to spew out this story I guess. I am so disgusted. I love him so much, when he's sober. And hate him so much when he's not. I need help but don't want to leave him. Co dependent, enmeshed, you betcha.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR wednesdaynext 
I hope you find the support you need here, You might want to repost this in the friends and family forum too:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You'll get more responses there x
I hope you find the support you need here, You might want to repost this in the friends and family forum too:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You'll get more responses there x
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