How I feel....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 57
How I feel....
Hi there,
I am trying to quit drinking not because I am an alcoholic (yet), but because I need to in order to protect my abstinence from another destructive behaviour. I have been abstinent from my disease for almost a year, which is ridiculous to me, but the alcohol is killing me. I ended up drinking last night because I just needed to escape from the tension. I'm okay when I'm by myself, but in social situations it is too hard. I was reading online about a guy who talks about his sobriety and he says this:
"The areas of my life that still suck are things like: frustration at self-imposed limitations, loneliness, boredom or depression. These thoughts and feelings are often a result of thinking that drinking would make me popular, have no limitations and take away the boredom and loneliness. I see others drink socially and they appear to have what I desire. My thoughts like to tempt me into drinking again. But I know that drinking will not fix my problems, cure my depression or relieve self-pity. It would just make things worse."
This hits the nail on the head, for me. I really believe that alcohol will solve my problems - how do I know it wont? For those of you in 12 steps, I really do feel the promises come true when I drink or use drugs. This believe will be the death of me....I really don't know HOW to live differently. I'm 29 and single in a big city, it seems like everybody else is drinking. how can I not?? If I have anything else to do I can avoid it, but I have no idea how to live without it.
Any advice is really really appreciated.
JS
I am trying to quit drinking not because I am an alcoholic (yet), but because I need to in order to protect my abstinence from another destructive behaviour. I have been abstinent from my disease for almost a year, which is ridiculous to me, but the alcohol is killing me. I ended up drinking last night because I just needed to escape from the tension. I'm okay when I'm by myself, but in social situations it is too hard. I was reading online about a guy who talks about his sobriety and he says this:
"The areas of my life that still suck are things like: frustration at self-imposed limitations, loneliness, boredom or depression. These thoughts and feelings are often a result of thinking that drinking would make me popular, have no limitations and take away the boredom and loneliness. I see others drink socially and they appear to have what I desire. My thoughts like to tempt me into drinking again. But I know that drinking will not fix my problems, cure my depression or relieve self-pity. It would just make things worse."
This hits the nail on the head, for me. I really believe that alcohol will solve my problems - how do I know it wont? For those of you in 12 steps, I really do feel the promises come true when I drink or use drugs. This believe will be the death of me....I really don't know HOW to live differently. I'm 29 and single in a big city, it seems like everybody else is drinking. how can I not?? If I have anything else to do I can avoid it, but I have no idea how to live without it.
Any advice is really really appreciated.
JS
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Replacing one thing for another is what we do, unfortunately.
That is exactly why we replace our old solution, alcohol, with our new solution, working the steps.
Working the steps keeps those promises in our life while alcohol only gives us the illusion of those promises.
hmmm..... alcoholic death or a spiritual way of life with those promises being a part of our life? Difficult choice.....
That is exactly why we replace our old solution, alcohol, with our new solution, working the steps.
Working the steps keeps those promises in our life while alcohol only gives us the illusion of those promises.
hmmm..... alcoholic death or a spiritual way of life with those promises being a part of our life? Difficult choice.....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 804
Are you referring to these promises?
THE A.A. PROMISES
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
I can't imagine being actively alcoholic and believing that my life was reflected in the promises in any way. When you read it line for line, which part do you identify with as a drinker/drugger? I've been in recovery for 7 months and while I can't say every part of the promises is being fufilled , I will say most are and what's not is being worked on. Truthfully, when I was drinking I did want to die so someone telling me my beliefs were going to lead to death wasn't really a surprise. I intellectually knew that. It wasn't until my body began corroborating the story that I knew it had to end. It had to be my decision and no one elses.
As for being 29 and everyone else drinking and all that....it's simply not true. A good amount of singles your age might drink but not all. I know what you mean about drinkers looking like they're happy and they probably are. I, unfortunately, lost the ability to socially drink a while ago and any thoughts about that are truly fantasy.
You need to tap into that other population (the sober one). AA is one choice. If not, try meetup.com. It's not a dating site. Instead, it lists groups of people and get togethers in various areas of interest...hiking, buddism, cooking. Assuming you're in the US, though. Don't know if there's anything similiar in other countries.
Ultimately, I had to change my whole life...people, places, and things. I came to a place where I had to. In the long run, the things/people I've lost have been so greatly overshadowed by what i've gained.
Curious about how you feel you're not an alcoholic but that you believe drinking could lead to your death? Seems a bit contradictory. Lots of tough questions to ask yourself.
THE A.A. PROMISES
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
I can't imagine being actively alcoholic and believing that my life was reflected in the promises in any way. When you read it line for line, which part do you identify with as a drinker/drugger? I've been in recovery for 7 months and while I can't say every part of the promises is being fufilled , I will say most are and what's not is being worked on. Truthfully, when I was drinking I did want to die so someone telling me my beliefs were going to lead to death wasn't really a surprise. I intellectually knew that. It wasn't until my body began corroborating the story that I knew it had to end. It had to be my decision and no one elses.
As for being 29 and everyone else drinking and all that....it's simply not true. A good amount of singles your age might drink but not all. I know what you mean about drinkers looking like they're happy and they probably are. I, unfortunately, lost the ability to socially drink a while ago and any thoughts about that are truly fantasy.
You need to tap into that other population (the sober one). AA is one choice. If not, try meetup.com. It's not a dating site. Instead, it lists groups of people and get togethers in various areas of interest...hiking, buddism, cooking. Assuming you're in the US, though. Don't know if there's anything similiar in other countries.
Ultimately, I had to change my whole life...people, places, and things. I came to a place where I had to. In the long run, the things/people I've lost have been so greatly overshadowed by what i've gained.
Curious about how you feel you're not an alcoholic but that you believe drinking could lead to your death? Seems a bit contradictory. Lots of tough questions to ask yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 57
Originally Posted by sugarbear1 
Replacing one thing for another is what we do, unfortunately.
That is exactly why we replace our old solution, alcohol, with our new solution, working the steps.
Working the steps keeps those promises in our life while alcohol only gives us the illusion of those promises.
hmmm..... alcoholic death or a spiritual way of life with those promises being a part of our life? Difficult choice.....
That is exactly why we replace our old solution, alcohol, with our new solution, working the steps.
Working the steps keeps those promises in our life while alcohol only gives us the illusion of those promises.
hmmm..... alcoholic death or a spiritual way of life with those promises being a part of our life? Difficult choice.....
I just want peace and happiness NOW. It's been almost a year of abstinence and I wish I felt more happy. The way I feel now is the reason I started up with my ineffective coping mechanisms in the first place...I understand why I did the things I did - because this is borderline unbearable!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 57
Originally Posted by jennikate
Are you referring to these promises?
THE A.A. PROMISES
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
I can't imagine being actively alcoholic and believing that my life was reflected in the promises in any way. When you read it line for line, which part do you identify with as a drinker/drugger? I've been in recovery for 7 months and while I can't say every part of the promises is being fufilled , I will say most are and what's not is being worked on. Truthfully, when I was drinking I did want to die so someone telling me my beliefs were going to lead to death wasn't really a surprise. I intellectually knew that. It wasn't until my body began corroborating the story that I knew it had to end. It had to be my decision and no one elses.
As for being 29 and everyone else drinking and all that....it's simply not true. A good amount of singles your age might drink but not all. I know what you mean about drinkers looking like they're happy and they probably are. I, unfortunately, lost the ability to socially drink a while ago and any thoughts about that are truly fantasy.
You need to tap into that other population (the sober one). AA is one choice. If not, try meetup.com. It's not a dating site. Instead, it lists groups of people and get togethers in various areas of interest...hiking, buddism, cooking. Assuming you're in the US, though. Don't know if there's anything similiar in other countries.
Ultimately, I had to change my whole life...people, places, and things. I came to a place where I had to. In the long run, the things/people I've lost have been so greatly overshadowed by what i've gained.
Curious about how you feel you're not an alcoholic but that you believe drinking could lead to your death? Seems a bit contradictory. Lots of tough questions to ask yourself.
THE A.A. PROMISES
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
I can't imagine being actively alcoholic and believing that my life was reflected in the promises in any way. When you read it line for line, which part do you identify with as a drinker/drugger? I've been in recovery for 7 months and while I can't say every part of the promises is being fufilled , I will say most are and what's not is being worked on. Truthfully, when I was drinking I did want to die so someone telling me my beliefs were going to lead to death wasn't really a surprise. I intellectually knew that. It wasn't until my body began corroborating the story that I knew it had to end. It had to be my decision and no one elses.
As for being 29 and everyone else drinking and all that....it's simply not true. A good amount of singles your age might drink but not all. I know what you mean about drinkers looking like they're happy and they probably are. I, unfortunately, lost the ability to socially drink a while ago and any thoughts about that are truly fantasy.
You need to tap into that other population (the sober one). AA is one choice. If not, try meetup.com. It's not a dating site. Instead, it lists groups of people and get togethers in various areas of interest...hiking, buddism, cooking. Assuming you're in the US, though. Don't know if there's anything similiar in other countries.
Ultimately, I had to change my whole life...people, places, and things. I came to a place where I had to. In the long run, the things/people I've lost have been so greatly overshadowed by what i've gained.
Curious about how you feel you're not an alcoholic but that you believe drinking could lead to your death? Seems a bit contradictory. Lots of tough questions to ask yourself.
I should have been more clear when I said that alcohol is killing me - I mean MENTALLY. I haven't been drinking for several months and it has been SO INCREDIBLY mentally taxing. I don't go to AA because I don't think I'm alcoholic. But I truly believe that when I have a few drinks, particularly wine, alone in my apartment, that I have newfound hope (which I hear in the promises). I know this is a delusion, but I don't REALLY believe that it is. I still believe that it is true. I know from AA that I need to crush this belief, but how can I do this if I don't believe I am a "real" alcoholic? Do I need to keep drinking until I hit a bottom? I don't want to do this, but I'm at a loss here.
Congratulations on your 7 months!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Water's Edge
Posts: 239
Thank you for your post, it seems very honest to me. I think your ability to look at yourself that honestly is a huge positive. A lot of people can never do that, sober or otherwise. The questions you are asking are hard ones. I would say that finding a way to live and find a peaceful existence with your own psyche is the task of being adult. If you are dependent on alcohol or other substance, that has to go first and there has to be sufficient time sober to get your brain functioning as it was designed to. That has to be achieved by whatever means suit your basic personality. Meditation, practicing mindfulness, setting goals for physical improvement and working on them, doing things for others, organizing my life and surroundings -- this helped me. Perhaps a big part of adjustment has been lowering my expectation for drama, excitement and distraction in my life. If you have the great good fortune to live in a peaceful corner of the world, and you have the great good fortune to have met basic needs for survival, it should be easy but seems we make it hard with expectations of something more. Less is more is part of living sober.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 57
Originally Posted by Auvers
Thank you for your post, it seems very honest to me. I think your ability to look at yourself that honestly is a huge positive. A lot of people can never do that, sober or otherwise. The questions you are asking are hard ones. I would say that finding a way to live and find a peaceful existence with your own psyche is the task of being adult. If you are dependent on alcohol or other substance, that has to go first and there has to be sufficient time sober to get your brain functioning as it was designed to. That has to be achieved by whatever means suit your basic personality. Meditation, practicing mindfulness, setting goals for physical improvement and working on them, doing things for others, organizing my life and surroundings -- this helped me. Perhaps a big part of adjustment has been lowering my expectation for drama, excitement and distraction in my life. If you have the great good fortune to live in a peaceful corner of the world, and you have the great good fortune to have met basic needs for survival, it should be easy but seems we make it hard with expectations of something more. Less is more is part of living sober.
I guess I kind of missed that part of my development!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
Wow. After reading your reply to my other thread i looked up your posts and I can so relate to this one too (except that I'm not single in a city, I'm married with 5 kids in the country!)
In my life I have give up amphetamines, weed, LSD, ecstasy, heroin and just recently Valium and codeine...and my eating disorder has been in 'remission' for awhile now. The last thing to go is alcohol! As I said in another post, it's not something I really enjoy but it is sneakily becoming more and more a part of my life and I was shocked last night at how empty I felt when the champagne ran out. I was scared, I didn't want to feel.
Everything else I have given up....there's always been something and I fear (I know) that's it's becoming alcohol.
Anyway, I won't ramble on, just wanted to say good luck and i can relate. It's hard for me to get my head around giving up a drug I never really liked it considered myself to have a problem with. And one that Is so socially acceptable and all around me.
I wish you luck. This forum is great isn't it?
In my life I have give up amphetamines, weed, LSD, ecstasy, heroin and just recently Valium and codeine...and my eating disorder has been in 'remission' for awhile now. The last thing to go is alcohol! As I said in another post, it's not something I really enjoy but it is sneakily becoming more and more a part of my life and I was shocked last night at how empty I felt when the champagne ran out. I was scared, I didn't want to feel.
Everything else I have given up....there's always been something and I fear (I know) that's it's becoming alcohol.
Anyway, I won't ramble on, just wanted to say good luck and i can relate. It's hard for me to get my head around giving up a drug I never really liked it considered myself to have a problem with. And one that Is so socially acceptable and all around me.
I wish you luck. This forum is great isn't it?
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