I don't know how to start................
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Pueblo West, CO
Posts: 3
I don't know how to start................
I found this site looking for options for my brother. Here is some history. My siblings and I were brought up in an alcoholic household. I'm pretty sure everyone has the same or similar story. I'm a middle child with older sister and younger brother.
My Mother is a Veteran (Air Force). My Father Retired Air Force. Many nights being waken up with fights, guns drawn, holes in the walls, and packing to take us kids away by my mother. My Mother was always hitting my older Sister. I remember calling my friend every time telling her I was leaving and saying good bye. I stopped doing that after a year. I remember many times being in the car while my Mother drove us home from the bar very drunk. It happened every night, even school nights for years. The three of us kids were practically brought up in the bar. Our Parents divorced when I was 15 years old. Mom left and didn't see her for over a year. My Dad found someone new and abandoned us as well, my younger brother and I. At least he paid rent and did buy some food. Not much for a growing younger brother though. At that time my sister had already moved out. She had cocaine and other addictions. We had no one. CPS was called do to the concern from the school because I had to barrow lunch from the school many times. I was 98 lbs and my skin color was green because you could see the veins in my face. Not my best looking days. CPS never talked to us. And my Father stayed the night a few nights after that. Then it started over again. This is just a tip off of the iceberg.
So let me get to the reason I'm on here.
The concern tonight is my brother. He has a dependency problem. Of what? anything he can get his hands on. He tried to commit suicide about 2 years ago. Gun shot to the chest. The doctors had to remove part of his left lung lobe. He is on medication, antipsychotics and anxiety medication. He refuses to talk to me about problems because he is afraid I'll think ill of him. I've told him repeatedly that no matter what he does I'll still love him. I cant get him to talk to me is the problem. I cant get him to get help and I'm lost. He tried a half way house (work release) and was kicked out for fighting not even 24 hours of being there. So the new situation is that he went to visit our Sister for Christmas and he got into her drugs and alcohol while he was there. He made him self unpleasant to be around while he was there. My sister dropped him off at the bus station to go home and them proceeded to be unpleasant to people and was almost arrested. My sister had to go back to the station to smooth things over. My brother has an anger problem as well as paranoia problem. He refuses to get help and everyone is walking on eggshells around him. They are afraid he will try to commit suicide again. My Father has washed his hands of him and my Mother is enabling him. I forgot this part he is 28 years old and hasn't held a job. He lives with our Mother who is a very mean drunk as well. My Husband refuses for my Brother to live here due to the past problems of trying to help my Brother. I'm lost on what to do, or to cope with all of this.
My Mother is a Veteran (Air Force). My Father Retired Air Force. Many nights being waken up with fights, guns drawn, holes in the walls, and packing to take us kids away by my mother. My Mother was always hitting my older Sister. I remember calling my friend every time telling her I was leaving and saying good bye. I stopped doing that after a year. I remember many times being in the car while my Mother drove us home from the bar very drunk. It happened every night, even school nights for years. The three of us kids were practically brought up in the bar. Our Parents divorced when I was 15 years old. Mom left and didn't see her for over a year. My Dad found someone new and abandoned us as well, my younger brother and I. At least he paid rent and did buy some food. Not much for a growing younger brother though. At that time my sister had already moved out. She had cocaine and other addictions. We had no one. CPS was called do to the concern from the school because I had to barrow lunch from the school many times. I was 98 lbs and my skin color was green because you could see the veins in my face. Not my best looking days. CPS never talked to us. And my Father stayed the night a few nights after that. Then it started over again. This is just a tip off of the iceberg.
So let me get to the reason I'm on here.
The concern tonight is my brother. He has a dependency problem. Of what? anything he can get his hands on. He tried to commit suicide about 2 years ago. Gun shot to the chest. The doctors had to remove part of his left lung lobe. He is on medication, antipsychotics and anxiety medication. He refuses to talk to me about problems because he is afraid I'll think ill of him. I've told him repeatedly that no matter what he does I'll still love him. I cant get him to talk to me is the problem. I cant get him to get help and I'm lost. He tried a half way house (work release) and was kicked out for fighting not even 24 hours of being there. So the new situation is that he went to visit our Sister for Christmas and he got into her drugs and alcohol while he was there. He made him self unpleasant to be around while he was there. My sister dropped him off at the bus station to go home and them proceeded to be unpleasant to people and was almost arrested. My sister had to go back to the station to smooth things over. My brother has an anger problem as well as paranoia problem. He refuses to get help and everyone is walking on eggshells around him. They are afraid he will try to commit suicide again. My Father has washed his hands of him and my Mother is enabling him. I forgot this part he is 28 years old and hasn't held a job. He lives with our Mother who is a very mean drunk as well. My Husband refuses for my Brother to live here due to the past problems of trying to help my Brother. I'm lost on what to do, or to cope with all of this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
My heart breaks for you. You're in a tough situation, but at least you're reaching out. Sounds like not only does your brother need help, but you need help dealing with the reality of growing up in an alcoholic home. You really can't help your brother if he doesn't want it, but you can help you. It took me a long time to realize that. My parents are still caught up in my 50yo brother's addiction. Suicide threats, walking on egg shells, not talking so as to not argue, all part of my family story as well. When I tried to intervene, I became the problem in their eyes.
Find an AlAnon group. Go to 6 meetings before deciding if it's for you or not. I was told to try a few different meetings, but try any one meeting at least twice. I had to learn to take care of me, and let go of the chaos. My family is exactly where they were 10 yrs ago...but I am not. I accept that they won't change, and keep a safe distance. I love them, but accept I can't change anything. I wish I had learned sooner, maybe I wouldn't be involved with an A and working the steps in a whole new way. I don't wish that on you. Take care of/ save you.
Find an AlAnon group. Go to 6 meetings before deciding if it's for you or not. I was told to try a few different meetings, but try any one meeting at least twice. I had to learn to take care of me, and let go of the chaos. My family is exactly where they were 10 yrs ago...but I am not. I accept that they won't change, and keep a safe distance. I love them, but accept I can't change anything. I wish I had learned sooner, maybe I wouldn't be involved with an A and working the steps in a whole new way. I don't wish that on you. Take care of/ save you.
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