Late Xmas with in laws can't wait.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
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Late Xmas with in laws can't wait.
Tomorrow we go to my husbands parents for Christmas - they have been out of town.
Its the first time RAH will have seen his dad since "the fight" 3 weeks ago. I haven't mentioned that RAH has a very dysfunctional family. I love both his mom and dad. I hate them together. RAH was raised in a tormented home but not an alcoholic home. No physical abuse but emotional abuse, terror, abandonment, and fighting - lots and lots of fighting and screaming. Its still going on. To write it all would be a 10 page post. Paraphrased edition....2 sons one favored by the father (brother of RAH) one favored by mother (RAH). At 49 RAH has never come to terms with it - and desperately wants a relationship with his father. Mother; however, calls RAH just about daily to tell him what an a**hole Dad is.
3 weeks ago RAH went to their house to wrap presents with his mom - its something they always do. Unbeknownst to him they had been in the mother of all fights for a couple of days. While taking bags out of the car Dad, who didn't realize RAH was there, yelled at Mom that she was a f**king B**tch. My husband tried to calm them down saying 'come on guys lets not talk like this please". His Dad said 'She IS a f'ing Bitch". My husband walked over to his father and said "don't talk to mom like that dad". Dad told RAH to "F**k of and get the F**k off my property and NEVER come back" After all these years it devastated him although its about the hundredth time in his life he has been told that or similar.
What happened afterward was his Mom saying she was getting a divorce, this is it, I can't take it anymore, I have had it!!!!! She cancelled their Christmas trip. She called RAH every day for three days raging that she was DONE.
Yeah yeah yeah. Day 4 dad called RAH and said he didn't mean what he said and that people say things in anger they don't mean. Mom called and said the trip was back on. She started quoting scripture about forgiveness, said she was doing it for the sake of the family including us blah blah blah.
RAH has heard it all his life I have heard it for two years. While from reading this is may seem this is all on his father, it most definitely is not - I have never said this to RAH but if I grew up with his OCD mother I would have been a drunk too. I learned from her today how lint is transferred via socks vs. bare feet, and how to choose slippers for his father which wouldn't pick up this carpet Lint. I am Jack Klugman from the odd couple that was a waste of time for her but anyway....
So alone each I love - now we have to face them together tomorrow and RAH is not dealing well with it it makes him sick to his stomach. I have spoken to them both today and clearly it was not a great trip - the tension is still there. We did tell his Mom to stop involving us in their problems and today she started in with me about "that a**hole" already.
I wish I knew how to handle this. They are his family. They have never been anything but kind to me. Their crap causes problems for me because it upsets RAH terribly and I get sick of hearing the merry go round from his mom who calls me to tell me the same.
I am glad the holidays are over and I wish parents didn't F**k their kids up.
Its the first time RAH will have seen his dad since "the fight" 3 weeks ago. I haven't mentioned that RAH has a very dysfunctional family. I love both his mom and dad. I hate them together. RAH was raised in a tormented home but not an alcoholic home. No physical abuse but emotional abuse, terror, abandonment, and fighting - lots and lots of fighting and screaming. Its still going on. To write it all would be a 10 page post. Paraphrased edition....2 sons one favored by the father (brother of RAH) one favored by mother (RAH). At 49 RAH has never come to terms with it - and desperately wants a relationship with his father. Mother; however, calls RAH just about daily to tell him what an a**hole Dad is.
3 weeks ago RAH went to their house to wrap presents with his mom - its something they always do. Unbeknownst to him they had been in the mother of all fights for a couple of days. While taking bags out of the car Dad, who didn't realize RAH was there, yelled at Mom that she was a f**king B**tch. My husband tried to calm them down saying 'come on guys lets not talk like this please". His Dad said 'She IS a f'ing Bitch". My husband walked over to his father and said "don't talk to mom like that dad". Dad told RAH to "F**k of and get the F**k off my property and NEVER come back" After all these years it devastated him although its about the hundredth time in his life he has been told that or similar.
What happened afterward was his Mom saying she was getting a divorce, this is it, I can't take it anymore, I have had it!!!!! She cancelled their Christmas trip. She called RAH every day for three days raging that she was DONE.
Yeah yeah yeah. Day 4 dad called RAH and said he didn't mean what he said and that people say things in anger they don't mean. Mom called and said the trip was back on. She started quoting scripture about forgiveness, said she was doing it for the sake of the family including us blah blah blah.
RAH has heard it all his life I have heard it for two years. While from reading this is may seem this is all on his father, it most definitely is not - I have never said this to RAH but if I grew up with his OCD mother I would have been a drunk too. I learned from her today how lint is transferred via socks vs. bare feet, and how to choose slippers for his father which wouldn't pick up this carpet Lint. I am Jack Klugman from the odd couple that was a waste of time for her but anyway....
So alone each I love - now we have to face them together tomorrow and RAH is not dealing well with it it makes him sick to his stomach. I have spoken to them both today and clearly it was not a great trip - the tension is still there. We did tell his Mom to stop involving us in their problems and today she started in with me about "that a**hole" already.
I wish I knew how to handle this. They are his family. They have never been anything but kind to me. Their crap causes problems for me because it upsets RAH terribly and I get sick of hearing the merry go round from his mom who calls me to tell me the same.
I am glad the holidays are over and I wish parents didn't F**k their kids up.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
Good Lord - Your poor RAH and you. I don't have any words of wisdom except just try to get it through it and remember they won't be around you for long ( I hope) - your post almost made me giggle - I am watching Grumpy Old Men and they are going on - what is wrong with people saying things like that to each other. Sending hugs and support to you and RAH.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
My ex used to get so angry and frustrated with his family that it made our life together pretty miserable, so I feel your frustration! It sucked. But I had to learn to ignore it as best I could, because anytime I would try to talk about it I got defensiveness and loyalty that didn't extend to me. That has a lot to do with why he's now my ex! ; )
Anyway, best of luck to you...hope you can get away for some peace and quiet while they visit, so you can maintain your own sanity.
Peace,
~T
Anyway, best of luck to you...hope you can get away for some peace and quiet while they visit, so you can maintain your own sanity.
Peace,
~T
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