Lyoness

I've been thinking about this for awhile now, since I started my recovery and maybe a little while before, too. I'm wondering what people think about whether or not a person has to hit bottom before they can truly recover? Is it necessary?

Or can we have successful recovery even if we haven't gone to our worst place?

I guess I'm asking this because I know sometimes people say they thought they were ready but weren't quite yet, had to go back out there. They feel like they aren't done using but yet really want to quit. When I quit marijuana I was absolutely ready, I was in so much pain from using and suppressing stuff I needed to heal that I was very clear about it.

With the oxy/dilaudid, I really felt ready to quit about 5-6 months ago. I don't know if I'd hit bottom but I was just absolutely sick of my life and disgusted with going on dayslong binges where I did nothing but get high.

I applied for suboxone doctor and that took 3 more months to get into. By the time I got in I had definitely lost some motivation. But I went because I knew I had to.

Right now I am doing my best for my recovery. I do really want it, but I feel like a piece of me is missing. That super strong motivation isn't all there yet. And I hate to say it, but I'm afraid there's a part of me that still wants to use. I am going to do everything I can to prevent that but I'm scared for when I go off the suboxone.....

Anyway, this is so hard to admit and to contemplate and that's why I'm asking for others' thoughts, experience, advice. Can you quit and stay quit without hitting bottom? Can you quit even if a part of you is not on board yet?

Thank you.

Dee74

I don't think 'bottom' needs to be an event...I think a lot of us get caught up almost waiting for that to happen.

to me 'bottom' is the moment you realise you decide you can't live this way one more minute.

for me, sure - that was when the elevator lay in splinters at the bottom of the lift shaft...but I really believe now that we can get off at any floor we like.

as for that super strong motivation...I waited for that too - but to be honest, may initial motivation to get sober was fear of dying...the action to get sober came first... that lasting motivation that keeps me sober? that kicked in later.

I think I had to change a little first...y'know?

D

coraltint

I think the bottom is only apparent after being sober for a while. People with addictions still using are in the process of finding theirs. I guess I do think it's necessary to hit something painful enough to truly want to stop, and then there it is......

instant

I think the "haven't reached bottom yet" is a tautology or a self fulfilling prophecy. Don't let other people dump their bag on you. Do your own thing for your own reasons.

Life is better when you are sober- it is never too early to learn that

Lyoness

Thanks, Dee. I like your elevator metaphor. I appreciate hearing that that strong motivation came later. I'm just continuing to work on my recovery hoping that the fuller feelings I'm looking and hoping for will come in time. I don't want to give up because of fear but it helps to know that if I keep at it those feelings will come.

Lyoness

True! Thank you.

Jeni26

Keep going Lyoness.
My rock bottom was nowhere near as dramatic as some. I didn't lose my job, my relationship, my home etc.
I was just in the grip of depression. A sort of blackness and heaviness that enveloped me. I could see no way out.
When I gave up I couldn't see for a while just how sick I was. It is living a sober life, stepping out from under that cloud that brings clarity and understanding.
It is a wonderful feeling to be free of all that negativity, to really appreciate and feel gratitude for what I have.
That creates its own motivation because I don't ever want to step backwards.

Best wishes to you x

gigi0310

I think everyone's rock bottom comes in different forms. I think the minute you decide to get sober all of the past was rock bottom because that wasn't you.

Where I was before I stopped drinking was enough of a rock bottom for me. I also agree that you don't realize how low you got until you are sober for a while.

gigi

SeekSobriety

There is a place on Skid Row, and a slab in the Morgue waiting for any of us.
Thankfully if we are here on this website now, we have a chance, a moment of clarity enough to be discussing recovery with others. This may be the only chance we have or get to decide to stop using. We have no guarantees we will ever have a moment again to get clean. The choice is ours, do we decide to clean up our lives or do we continue to play "Russian Roulette"? Do we really need to experience the horrible "bottoms" that some others have had? Do we need to sit in a jail cell and contemplate our sadness for running over someone while we were drunk or high? We may not get another chance then now to clean up. Lets clean up and stay clean before something bad or something even worse happens. Whats the benefit to staying drunk or doped up? Is there any benefit other then momentary short lived feeling of artificial "Containment" It's only a illusion, I don't know about you, but I want real friends, real feelings, not "Monopoly money" or "Monopoly emotions"

Lyoness

Thank you everyone! What you are saying is helping me so much!

Natom

Being quite young and in recovery does have it's benefits. It also however has some downsides. Some people, not everyone, believe that because of my age I have yet to experience enough consequences to want to stop using drugs. Whilst I understand this view, and agree that people do need a certain amount of consequences until they clean up, it is a very warped and old-fashioned view.

But with a large percentage of people in my local NA/AA groups over the age of 40 I can understand why this view is taken. Perhaps it is jealousy, that they couldn't get into recovery at my age. Or perhaps it's genuine concern. It's not for me to judge. We all have to have a certain amount of consequences before we are ready to stop. It doesn't matter what these are as long as it makes us change. You can call it rock bottom if you want. But arguably rock bottom is the best place to come back up from.

So I guess in answer to the first post. You don't need to hit a rock bottom but you do need to hit a state of mind in which you say 'enough is enough'.

Natom.

Lyoness

You have some really good points here, especially that "this may be the only chance we get." I hadn't really thought about it from that angle. I guess that's a big part of the denial, that we can just use and use and never really face any consequences. Or that we can get sober "later."

It's important to do so now! That's one of the reasons I did go into the suboxone induction even though I was beginning to slip away again--because THAT was being offered right then and I didn't for sure now if I'd be given another chance.

This reminds me of a little quote I'd seen too. I don't remember the exact words but it was something along the lines of: Stop waiting for the perfect moment to change/act because now is the "perfect" moment.

I got it in those moments but didn't really apply it to the bigger picture that I may not get another chance--cuz I could hit one of those way worse bottoms!

ultrabunny

Everytime I thought I hit my rock bottom, I started drinking again and found a whole new b
rock bottom!

Very scarey with regards to what will happen if I keep doing it.

I dont think anyone should wait around for a rock bottom, if you know what I mean. The fact that you 'think' you may have reached it should be enough.

GirlFromCO

I don't know that there's really an end to the "bottoms" we can create for ourselves until we're dead. I quit (before my recent relapse) after a pretty hard landing, but there's no doubt in my mind that I could go lower still. It doesn't end until you decide it ends, or when you die or become a vegetable.

Someone explained it to me this way once as we were taking a smoke break from work. I was very young and not convinced that I was addicted to cigarettes. I was adamant that I smoked them because I liked smoking. I was saying that I could quit anytime I wanted to, but I didn't want to because I just loved smoking so much and going on about all the ways I loved it. My older, wiser friend just laughed at me and said "That's what addiction means. That is the DEFINITION of addiction. It means you're never going to actually want to quit."

Eventually I quit smoking and drinking too but my friend was right - I never wanted to do either. I wanted to keep smoking. I'd say stuff like I wish it didn't give you cancer, or make you smell so bad, or make it impossible to breathe, or leave ashes all over the place, or sometimes light the front porch on fire... but that's like wishing that you could stay dry when you're in the shower. It's just not reality. You can smoke, or not smoke, but what you can't do is smoke those imaginary problem-free cigarettes because they don't exist.

(And if you think that's denial you should have listened in on my inner dialogue when I realized I had a problem with booze. You'd probably get bored though because it went on for several years! )

I think about the conversation with my friend when I need to remind myself that I can drink, or not drink, but I can't drink wishes. Do I want to drink? Of course. Will I drink? Absolutely not.

Lyoness

I appreciated your whole post but these bits jumped out at me especially. It's so simple but true--It doesn't end until I decide it ends--and I do have choice, at least right now.

And just knowing that that craving may be somethiing I always deal with--it really is what I do with it that matters. I read that so much here, people deciding/choosing not to use, whatever method they use, no matter how long they've been in recovery, where they are at in their journey.

It all ultimately boils down to that one simple thing--choosing not to use, no matter what I'm feeling.

Thank you.

Lyoness

Again I say thank you to everyone. I am SO glad I asked this question, even though I felt embarrassed and afraid to. All of your answers are really helping me to crystallize some thoughts.

GirlFromCO

& fortunately each time you don't use when you want to you get that much stronger. Each time preps you for the next and eventually you do kung fu on your urges automatically almost all of the time.

BTW I relapsed after 15 mos not because I gave into a momentary urge but because I "rationally" and "logically" talked myself into one over the course of several months. But now I know to be on the lookout for that sort of thinking and I'm stronger for it. It's all about choice.

Startingover444

Lyoness, this is a great question and a wonderful thought provoking thread. It is helping me too
I think I reached my rock bottom when I quit drinking, I was suicidal and wanted to die. Quitting opiates, no, I wasnt at rock bottom at all. I still was loving the high, but the negatives, were becoming problematic and I didnt want to fall any further into the abyss. Which of course we will. That is a given.

Lyoness

I really look forward to that kung fu day! If I let myself pay attention at times when I'm not craving, I do very much realize that my cravings are getting fewer in number with more time between them. At least those really intense hard core cravings. It's that little underneath it all voice that I worry about. That caused me to ask this question here at SR.

Reaading about relapses like yours and others here, it keeps affirming for me that it really is so easy to fool ourselves, to think we can use. That's anothere reason I started this thread. I know if it were anywhere near me I would be using right now. I'm still at the very beginning of starting to know what makes me want to use, what those many, many lies in my head are.

Sapling

I love the way Bill Wilson...Co founder of AA described it in a few short sentences.

No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.

BB Page 8

Morass...A swamp...A confusing or troublesome situation.

This hit home for me...
I was overwhelmed. I think we reach a turning point....And there is truly two ways we can go...Recovery or to the bitter end. I had a friend in AA tell me....We reach our bottom when we stop digging....I think it's as simple as that.