Cyndy40

So, I have my sisters 50th BD party to attend. It's at a place that there wil be a lot of drinking we are renting a bus for this. Any advice that may help so I do not have a drink, this by the way is my first function since I have decided not to drink. How do I get through it? Also let my partner know that I will not drink and she can rest easy with that. Would it be fair to ask my daughter to help with this? I don't want her to feel like she needs to babysit her mother.

Pondlady

Hi Cyndy,
I can see how this might be a difficult event in early sobriety. Some things I would consider is having some supportive people in your corner, plan for what you'll drink and have an exit strategy. Sounds like you partner is supportive of your not drinking. If your daughter knows you're not drinking, she too can be supportive.

I'd also make your own transportation plans....you don't want to have to wait for die hard partiers to board the bus at the end of the evening. Good luck...hope this helps

Xune

No thanks I'll just have a soda, thanks.

I'm not drinking.

I stopped drinking.

I don't drink anymore.

This need not be complicated.

Threshold

I don't have a lot of information to go on here, but this sounds like an event where drinking is the main focus...whenever I hear "renting a bus"...it seems to mean "everyone is planning on being too wasted to drive".

If that is true, there is NO point in attending this event.

If your sister loves you, she will be fine with you not getting drunk in honor of her birthday.

This may be the time when people finally understand how serious a situation this is for you. Sometimes we need a real "a ha!" moment with our friends and family when we all come face to face with the reality of alcoholism. It can be hard, but really can do everyone a service when we all stop dancing around this little "problem".

If your sister says "I can't believe that you won't come to my party..." or "I can't beleive you won't have one little drink." then it's time for you to say "I can't believe that you can't see this is a life or death issue for me."

fifty years old is time to grow up.

avocado

Can't you just drive there yourself, stay for an hour or so to show your face and then leave? I am attending a new year's eve party where a bunch of alcohol-loving friends will be. I plan to show up around 11, stay til a bit past midnight and drive home.

doggonecarl

Cyndy40, if you gotten to this point in the thread where you are reading my post, go back and re-read Threshold's post again. It says exactly what I would have said.

FreeFall

This sounds like a drinkfest waiting to happen and you'll be trapped if you're on the party bus. I think if you have to have your partner and daughter "help you" to abstain you're probably not ready for this yet. That being said, others' suggestions that you take separate transportation might work just fine-obviously you want to be part of your sister's bday in some way.

I've got 5 months under my belt, and have been in our local bar a couple of times a week since I quit (it really is my only social outlet) but I wouldn't do anything that involved a party bus. Actually, that doesn't sound like fun anymore. I'd be trapped with a bunch of drinkers and would be bored so quickly. I need an escape plan for any occasion that involves drinking now. I can only be around it in small doses.

smacked

No, it is not fair to ask your daughter for help staying sober.

I wouldn't go, but my sobriety was really a life or death thing.

My husband was "obligated" to go to a party bus type thing, but felt he's too old and mature to participate is something so college kid-like, and met up with the people that were partying on one of their bus 'stops' at a bar to make his appearance, and came home. Had nothing to do with drinking or not drinking, he simply thought the idea was ridiculous for pretty much anyone with responsibilities.

Cyndy40

Wow, lots of good advice here. You are all so right, I think I will take all the good advice that i have received and go for it. I felt obligated that I had to go and you know what I am not. So, they can all go on the bus and I will not go to the restaurant they are planning on going to and will just show up at the after show for an hour or two then go home. Thank you so much everyone.

artsoul

Maybe you could have a special lunch out with your sister..... I think you're making a good choice - there's lots of ways to celebrate without succumbing to the party bus!

Pondlady

You won't regret passing on the party bus! I agree with artsoul, plan something special with your sister.