I drank
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
ghostman - I understand - but try to remember nothing is made better by drinking - nothing! It only seems like an answer. You need to be clearheaded during a time like this. Please try again. We're with you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
Posts: 1,462
I have had marriage troubles at another point in my life, the only thing I can tell you is don't let what she does bring you down, don't drink to deal with this, I know that is easier said than done!
Idiot that picked up a bottle.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, FL
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by lilgolden73 
OH GOD!! I am SO sorry!! Drinking won't help though 
Just terrible that she put up a profile while still married!
Just terrible that she put up a profile while still married!Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
I'm so sorry ghostman, but as others had said "drinking won't solve the problem". I've never been married, but in un-trusting relationships, I can feel your pain. Do you know how you're going to approach this?
Edit: sorry, messages crossed
Edit: sorry, messages crossed
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
I am sorry for your pain and disillusionment...Others behave very small sometimes.
But you, ghostman, you are bigger than what is happening to you.
You and your sobriety together are bigger than what anyone can do to you.
Take care of you or no one else will. Pay yourself first with sobriety.
Please take care. May I suggest you stop looking on the internet so you don't obsess about your wife, or else stay on the SR site.
But you, ghostman, you are bigger than what is happening to you.
You and your sobriety together are bigger than what anyone can do to you.
Take care of you or no one else will. Pay yourself first with sobriety.
Please take care. May I suggest you stop looking on the internet so you don't obsess about your wife, or else stay on the SR site.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
That really sucks, but I have been on the other end of that in a previous marriage. Don't act like it's not there--please talk to her.
Does she support you in your sobriety?
Does she support you in your sobriety?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 414
Wow. It sounds like your wife has some issues of her own to deal with. She is clearly codependent if she needs to find another man that quickly.
She has probably written you off as "unrecoverable." Don't validate her thinking by continuing to drink. Besides, you are hurt emotionally and being drunk on top of it is likely to cause you to do something you will regret.
Just focus on your recovery one day at a time. I too have had to accept that I may or may not get my fiance back (I cannot speak with her either). I cannot focus on her or our relationship right now. I need to focus on me. I do know this, if I continue drinking I have no chance with her. Only time and sobriety will tell...
Good luck my friend.
She has probably written you off as "unrecoverable." Don't validate her thinking by continuing to drink. Besides, you are hurt emotionally and being drunk on top of it is likely to cause you to do something you will regret.
Just focus on your recovery one day at a time. I too have had to accept that I may or may not get my fiance back (I cannot speak with her either). I cannot focus on her or our relationship right now. I need to focus on me. I do know this, if I continue drinking I have no chance with her. Only time and sobriety will tell...
Good luck my friend.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
what are you saying by drinking?
the drinking is what caused the problems that led to the RO? (or no contact order).
and what would SHE think if she knew YOU had sex with your ex who you are now living with?
this is not meant to be mean, but from a woman's point of view....if any man behaved as you do, I want them out of my life too.
the drinking is what caused the problems that led to the RO? (or no contact order).
and what would SHE think if she knew YOU had sex with your ex who you are now living with?
this is not meant to be mean, but from a woman's point of view....if any man behaved as you do, I want them out of my life too.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
ghostman - You have to stop dwelling on what is lost and see what you can find. You also need to put her out of your mind for now and work on yourself. I feel for you but things will not get better unless you work at it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by ghostman1960
I saw my wifes profile on a dating site. I went out and drank. Its not even been two months. I want to die.
stepping on my way...
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,079
I am so sorry Ghost. There are no words for her actions.....except that you and her are obviously OVER in her mind This does leave you no option but to move on. That's a good thing...YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOU!!! And now she is stuck going through the online idiot dating pool. I've been there....it is NOT pretty 
! But I will tell you one thing...drinking is NOT going to make this better. You need to heal from your seperation. The longer you keep masking it with alcohol the longer the healing process will take! I wish you well my friend!
Quit staring at that closed door buddy! You are gonna miss one open!
This does leave you no option but to move on. That's a good thing...YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOU!!! And now she is stuck going through the online idiot dating pool. I've been there....it is NOT pretty ! But I will tell you one thing...drinking is NOT going to make this better. You need to heal from your seperation. The longer you keep masking it with alcohol the longer the healing process will take! I wish you well my friend!Quit staring at that closed door buddy! You are gonna miss one open!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by EternalQ
I am sorry for your pain and disillusionment...Others behave very small sometimes.
But you, ghostman, you are bigger than what is happening to you.
You and your sobriety together are bigger than what anyone can do to you.
Take care of you or no one else will. Pay yourself first with sobriety.
Please take care. May I suggest you stop looking on the internet so you don't obsess about your wife, or else stay on the SR site.
But you, ghostman, you are bigger than what is happening to you.
You and your sobriety together are bigger than what anyone can do to you.
Take care of you or no one else will. Pay yourself first with sobriety.
Please take care. May I suggest you stop looking on the internet so you don't obsess about your wife, or else stay on the SR site.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Merrimack
Posts: 16
Sorry to hear you saw something like that. It's not worth drinking over. Talk to hear if you can let her know your feelings. You want to be clear headed when you do talk with her, good luck and God bless
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
