Jealousy is poison...
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
Jealousy is poison...
Just a random aside... Now that I'm sober and less wrapped up in my own life every single waking second, I've had some time to catch up with old friends / family and I have to say, Facebook turns me into a monster. I post all these nice comments and try to be happy for everyone, but they all seem to have it so together and I don't! I don't have a job, a husband, a home of my own, good credit, a busy social life, a prize education, European vacations, exciting hobbies... I know, I know, this post is AWFUL and I sound like an ungrateful brat. I'm still going to be honest. Social networking is all about boasting and trying to look good. It bugs me but it's the only way I keep up with some people... I just can't help but compare myself to them and come up short.
I'm glad to be sober today. I have some huge blessings in my life. I'm sure someone has been jealous of me at some point for some weird reason but I feel like my alcoholism and addiction mostly ruined my life and now I'm way behind my peers. Help me get off this pity pot! I hate having feelings!
I'm glad to be sober today. I have some huge blessings in my life. I'm sure someone has been jealous of me at some point for some weird reason but I feel like my alcoholism and addiction mostly ruined my life and now I'm way behind my peers. Help me get off this pity pot! I hate having feelings!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 97
BabyJane - someone had this posted as one of their quote the other day and it struck me (sorry I can't remember who - or I would give credit where it is due). Really struck me - especially in the season of Christmas cards from eveyone in my family who has the "perfect" life while I am struggling through day 10.
The reason we are insecure is because "We're comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel."
The reason we are insecure is because "We're comparing our behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel."
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
I agree. Facebook is certainly a highlight real. Only the best and most entertaining go up there! There is probably a lot of half-truths and "poetic license" as well. Seems to me like most truly successful and happy people do not feel the need to broadcast it. Makes me wonder why some folks do.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are overcoming some of life's biggest challenges. You are doing it and you are in a unique place to help others do it. You should be proud of that!
There is no telling what the future holds as long as we stay sober. There are so many stories of what folks accomplished in the latter years of their life that we wouldn't have room to write them all here. Funny thing is that we have to decide what is important. Do we want to post pictures of our house, our boat, our vacation on Facebook? Or, do we want to help others and truly change lives? Sometimes the most important things are not nearly as expensive and flashy as the stuff you'll see on Facebook.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You are overcoming some of life's biggest challenges. You are doing it and you are in a unique place to help others do it. You should be proud of that!
There is no telling what the future holds as long as we stay sober. There are so many stories of what folks accomplished in the latter years of their life that we wouldn't have room to write them all here. Funny thing is that we have to decide what is important. Do we want to post pictures of our house, our boat, our vacation on Facebook? Or, do we want to help others and truly change lives? Sometimes the most important things are not nearly as expensive and flashy as the stuff you'll see on Facebook.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
I would just like to assure you that people do in fact post perfectly fictitious windows into their daily lives on facebook, twitter etc...
For many, facebook is a means to receive praise and validation for leading an otherwise ordinary life.
For others, it is a way to live vicariously through and envy the perfect life that is not otherwise available to the observer.
Anonymous internet forums is as close to social media as I will ever get.
Lastly, I only remain in contact with people I care to look in the eye and say hello to, which is literally a handful of people.
Although I've virtually no 'real' friends, I keep social through recreational sports and never worrying about what others are doing, having or consuming.
For many, facebook is a means to receive praise and validation for leading an otherwise ordinary life.
For others, it is a way to live vicariously through and envy the perfect life that is not otherwise available to the observer.
Anonymous internet forums is as close to social media as I will ever get.
Lastly, I only remain in contact with people I care to look in the eye and say hello to, which is literally a handful of people.
Although I've virtually no 'real' friends, I keep social through recreational sports and never worrying about what others are doing, having or consuming.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
Sometimes FaceBook is downright annoying. I would never post anything about my struggles. Sometimes it feels like the old school yard with all the "perfect people" together and those of us who aren't in that crowd are the oddballs. I am definately an oddball. A sober one.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
Great input. Thank you all. The "highlight reel" comment is so spot on. Lol. And yes, rather than showing off, being brave enough to share my recovery or just some of the wisdom I'm gaining as a result of this challenge would be much better than boasting. Good points!
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 346
I used to check facebook like it was the morning paper, these days I come here instead 
The only use it has for me now is in keeping tabs on event invites and a handful of posts by a handful of people who actually have something worthwhile to say. I used to post on there to feel validated, now my updates are probably twice monthly and the tone has completely changed
The only use it has for me now is in keeping tabs on event invites and a handful of posts by a handful of people who actually have something worthwhile to say. I used to post on there to feel validated, now my updates are probably twice monthly and the tone has completely changed Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
Posts: 1,462
OH Baby JAne!!! I have to tell you, I am pretty much the only person I know who is honest on there lol, the ONLY thing I haven't mentioned yet is my not drinking anymore, because I have you guys and don't wanna deal with all that yet, a few know but that is enough. If I hear one more "I love my life" I may puke! I find that bragging to much about anything pretty much means things aren't perfect so shut it! I have been through too much to let everyone think my life is all sunshine and roses. Do I have a bad life? NO! Do I feel the need to brag and be annoying? NO! I usually hide the status's of my annoying FB followers, and if they feel I am annoying with my REAL life stuff then they can hide me...such is life!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Present Moment
Posts: 646
Hey there BabyJane,
See the quote below. I remember how I felt the first time I read this...it very much resonated with me.
I keep it close...it helps to keep me grounded when I find myself starting to "check off" all the things I don't have....leads me right in to what I'm grateful for
See the quote below. I remember how I felt the first time I read this...it very much resonated with me.
I keep it close...it helps to keep me grounded when I find myself starting to "check off" all the things I don't have....leads me right in to what I'm grateful for
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 2
Facebook is not a problem for me, but i do empathize with anyone facing the day with envy or jealous reactions to what people have posted or are posting. Let me tell you something about my own experience with the computer and social networking, just in case it helps you or another person who longs to face themselves at every level and learn to bring more personal satisfactions to themselves on a daily basis.
I got on the computer for the first time, some years ago now, and as i sat before it i decided to not be a negative influence in the worldwide community, to not share things, (at least very often) of a negative nature since negative impulses pass and the bits of the 12 stepping i had embraced, led me to want to be contagious (if you get my drift) in a positive flow, and not bring people down.
I feared that i had done enough to harm others in my addiction. So i decided then and there to be a positive influence if possible on the web, and let people see my goodness, and applaud me if you would, for having a loving nature and keeping in gratitude about what is good in life, and not for being a negative person, or potential pest who made folks wish they had not logged on that day to read some garbage i had spewed....while out of gratitude. I knew that after a lifetime of being nearly obsessively depressive, i had to change, and i sought that change by becoming more positive in word and deeds. It helped me immensely, whether it helped anyone else i know not, but my intent was pure. i never wanted to harm another human with my habit of seeing the negative. I have been what one might call a positive web member for nearly eight years now. i see not much reason to post "my crap" online with everyone, for who would it benefit to bring negative talk to the world.
The program emphasizes getting positive about our ability to change anything or everything about ourselves that caused us or others harm, and i meant to change very much.
All i can say is, it might help you to open mind and heart to the positive in peoples lives, knowing you have the potential to gather a new life, and anything you want can be yours for the taking, if you get into the actions that will allow for a god of your understanding to move and give you everything you may need. Envy and jealousy, being character defects we carry as burdens, are to be worked out, using the steps. You are going to know a new freedom when you get fully into the process, and that envy, will be gone in the method. Look forward to a new you who will only glory in the good in the lives of your fellow humans. Take your time, forgive yourself and move into the goodness.
I enjoy some social sites because i don't look for anyone to be different than they are, it's about accepting our fellows, and finding our similarities with others.
there are even people who are consistently negative and i like them too.
Maybe your perspective is a little skewed if you aren't happy for more positive people? And..that's okay too....we all have our own timeline for spiritual, mental growth. I very much appreciate that this is an individual program, we all get it when we get it, no one can force us to change, but we can embrace change if we want it.
I just came to realize that what others had i could have any of that too if i decided that i wanted it, and i set envy aside for awhile, and sometimes it forgot to return for a long time, and when it came back i just said ski-daddle, again and again. Now it hardly visits...the computer helped me remove a lifetime of negativity,taught me that focusing on my negatives, and those of others, had kept me using.
I wanted a new life where the positive overtook the negative and i got that by being online, and being a positive person online, and not doing more harm with my negative side. we all have both. i think if you look at my ideal to change, while online, you might undersatnd better....im not sure.
god bless~*~
I got on the computer for the first time, some years ago now, and as i sat before it i decided to not be a negative influence in the worldwide community, to not share things, (at least very often) of a negative nature since negative impulses pass and the bits of the 12 stepping i had embraced, led me to want to be contagious (if you get my drift) in a positive flow, and not bring people down.
I feared that i had done enough to harm others in my addiction. So i decided then and there to be a positive influence if possible on the web, and let people see my goodness, and applaud me if you would, for having a loving nature and keeping in gratitude about what is good in life, and not for being a negative person, or potential pest who made folks wish they had not logged on that day to read some garbage i had spewed....while out of gratitude. I knew that after a lifetime of being nearly obsessively depressive, i had to change, and i sought that change by becoming more positive in word and deeds. It helped me immensely, whether it helped anyone else i know not, but my intent was pure. i never wanted to harm another human with my habit of seeing the negative. I have been what one might call a positive web member for nearly eight years now. i see not much reason to post "my crap" online with everyone, for who would it benefit to bring negative talk to the world.
The program emphasizes getting positive about our ability to change anything or everything about ourselves that caused us or others harm, and i meant to change very much.
All i can say is, it might help you to open mind and heart to the positive in peoples lives, knowing you have the potential to gather a new life, and anything you want can be yours for the taking, if you get into the actions that will allow for a god of your understanding to move and give you everything you may need. Envy and jealousy, being character defects we carry as burdens, are to be worked out, using the steps. You are going to know a new freedom when you get fully into the process, and that envy, will be gone in the method. Look forward to a new you who will only glory in the good in the lives of your fellow humans. Take your time, forgive yourself and move into the goodness.
I enjoy some social sites because i don't look for anyone to be different than they are, it's about accepting our fellows, and finding our similarities with others.
there are even people who are consistently negative and i like them too.
Maybe your perspective is a little skewed if you aren't happy for more positive people? And..that's okay too....we all have our own timeline for spiritual, mental growth. I very much appreciate that this is an individual program, we all get it when we get it, no one can force us to change, but we can embrace change if we want it.
I just came to realize that what others had i could have any of that too if i decided that i wanted it, and i set envy aside for awhile, and sometimes it forgot to return for a long time, and when it came back i just said ski-daddle, again and again. Now it hardly visits...the computer helped me remove a lifetime of negativity,taught me that focusing on my negatives, and those of others, had kept me using.
I wanted a new life where the positive overtook the negative and i got that by being online, and being a positive person online, and not doing more harm with my negative side. we all have both. i think if you look at my ideal to change, while online, you might undersatnd better....im not sure.
god bless~*~
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
Posts: 1,462
Love above post! However there are people that post things to brag, not to inspire! I will be one of the first to tell you, I LOVE positive inspirational posts....the rest is alot of rubbish. I keep it real....I have good days and bad days...that is life
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Here is an idea that someone "shared" on Facebook that I found SO inspiring I began that very same day. Get a jar and every day write down some good things that happened on little slips of paper. Put them in the jar and at the end of the year pour them out and read them."
as far as whether or not someone shares something to brag, or to inspire...I can't know, I can't know the motivation of another. Sometimes I think people do that not to brag but as their own version of "look at this good thing that happened" so they can see it and it inspires them. That out of all the struggle of their day, they DO have something they feel they can share.
On the other hand, it's really easy to block the posts of anyone that rubs us the wrong way.
as far as whether or not someone shares something to brag, or to inspire...I can't know, I can't know the motivation of another. Sometimes I think people do that not to brag but as their own version of "look at this good thing that happened" so they can see it and it inspires them. That out of all the struggle of their day, they DO have something they feel they can share.
On the other hand, it's really easy to block the posts of anyone that rubs us the wrong way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
Lil - the puke comment - lmao. So been there. There's this one girl, an old pal from highschool, literally everyday posts about her "awesome kids, awesome hubby (said "hubby" yea), awesome new house, awesome party, awesome life, blah, blah.... Oh it makes me roll my eyes so hard I think they might get stuck up there. Totally SHOULD hide / delete her. What a cynical bitch I am. Haha
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi Jane
I agree with all the FB comments - maybe 5% of it is real....the rest is BS.
As for lives in disarray...mine was. Not to freak anyone out, cos things got better pretty much right away, but I reckon it took me a good year to sort myself and my life out from the mess that 20 years of drinking had created.
Have patience and stick with it - you're heading in the right direction
D
I agree with all the FB comments - maybe 5% of it is real....the rest is BS.
As for lives in disarray...mine was. Not to freak anyone out, cos things got better pretty much right away, but I reckon it took me a good year to sort myself and my life out from the mess that 20 years of drinking had created.
Have patience and stick with it - you're heading in the right direction
D
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: CA
Posts: 2
I hope my post didn't seem preachy, i never wanna be that. Today i am embarking on my first inventory that will be thorough. The first time was a sham, though i sort of tried, that was years ago. Since rehab in '98. i have attended countless meetings, and never did things as others do them. i still think i have certain truths to offer, but today i am beginning this fourth step stuff...so I wont be checking back in for awhile. I totally have bad days still, that's just life. i just bring that harder stuff to my immediate confidants, not to the web, that's all im saying....i guess im saying try not to judge those positive people, they also have bad days, like everyone does. Don't let them make you feel less than...just because they have more on the outside. Maybe they, like me just have good intentions too. that they would hate it if they thought for a minute it might hurt ya.
;~})
;~})
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