Paddler

Hi everyone. After several months of planning, taking a week off from the "fire water"... googling all kinds of awful symptoms related to withdrawal and finding similar posts on this forum...

And having a fairly awful Christmas eve and hungover Christmas day...

I've decided it's time to take all the information I've gathered in the Big Book, a couple of meetings, reading information online,

... and quit for good. For good... I look forward to posting on this site and utilizing help from people who've been there.

I'm 32 and have drank for 11 years. I took a 3 year break during/after grad school. The past three - four years I've drank very heavily. My hangovers are awful now (buzzing sensation in chest, anxiety, feel of dread and fear of death, vomiting, insomnia, and overall sadness...) My drunks are not buzzy fun experiences anymore; they consist of blackouts, idiotic phone calls/texts, and embarrassment.

lilgolden73

Hi Paddler and WELCOME!! You will find lots of resources and support here!!

TorontoGuy28

Great decision ! Welcome.

soberlicious

Welcome Paddler

Paddler

TorontoGuy... your sober date is a great day. My birthday. =) My goal has been to be one month sober before my birthday. And what better first sober day than Christmas...

foodie1

Welcome to SR Paddler, you'll find lots of support here!

mittens2020

Welcome Paddler!

Anna

Welcome!

I completely understand how the 'nice buzz' soon becomes blackouts and craziness. I'm glad you have decided to live a sober life.

freshstart57

Hi Paddler, glad you found us. For a lot of us, including me for sure, alcohol worked for a lot of things until it stopped working, and then made everything worse. And worse.

For me, there was this idea running in my head that I didn't really need to quit for good, there are others who are worse who 'manage' to keep drinking, a couple won't hurt, I can quit tomorrow, I can't quit and if I could I can't quit now, blah blah blah. I threw all of those ideas in the same pile as my guilt and shame over letting things get out of hand. I put all of it behind me and made a 'fresh start'.

There is some really good news for you, and that is that so many things will get unbelievably better when the alcohol is taken off the table for good. No booze, no matter what. You can quit if you choose too simply because you are smarter and stronger than your alcohol polluted limbic system.

BabyJane

Welcome Paddler! Four years ago I had that same awful Christmas - had spent the previous night in a blackout. Woke up to boyfriend at the time barely speaking to me. The next day he broke up with me and kicked me out. It was a dark time for sure, but it supplied the motivation I needed to start getting serious about sobriety. I stayed sober almost a year and started with the pain pills which was another huge mistake but now sober from opiates too. We can do this.

Paddler

Thanks for all the support. I reached out to a friend whom I know had been sober for 5 years through AA about 6 months ago.

I made it a week or two abstaining even getting a kick out of hitting our favorite restaurants, etc... and only drinking soda. I even tried some cinnamon/milky drink at our favorite Mexican joint... one which I've frequented to for 10 years due to the good food and amazing 32 oz. beers for $2. Even playing soccer with the staff on an adult rec. team.

Alas I decided I had licked my problem and started drinking again. Beer here... two here... 6 here.

I was proud of myself for wanting to quit again before Thanksgiving (after a serious hangover) and making it through Thanksgiving booze free. First time in years I could remember doing that.

I come from a family of teetotalers but we spend most holidays with my wife's family - all Italian's.

I had a goal of not drinking this Christmas and honestly... don't even know when I started this holiday season. All I know is it was a few days before Christmas and I don't remember much about helping Ms. Clause w/ Santa stuff, the family dinner, etc... and spending Christmas day with my teetotaling family was painful. Both because of the anger from my wife and the miserable hangover.

Enough is enough. I can't just have a few. I don't have any control over alcohol... which has entire control over me. The thought of beach trips, traveling, holidays without my booze used to scare the hell out of me... Now (today... or a couple of days ago...) it hit me. The thought of not remembering anymore holidays, trips, and time with my kids (two under 4 and one on the way) is much more freighting.

Time to get over the embarrassment and admit my problem... and move on. I don't want to drink again. Today. I don't want to feel tired, sick, ashamed, on and on and on.

Thanks so much for the support. What a great group of people. But as I said... I already knew that from stumbling upon this site over the past 6 months. Web surfing trying to convince myself I didn't have a problem and my hangover symptoms were normal....

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Paddler x

Dee74

welcome aboard Paddler

D

Hevyn

Paddler - it's great to meet you. You're quitting for all the reasons I did - only I was about 20 yrs. older! Be proud of yourself for taking this action now - you'll be avoiding all sorts of drama, danger, and chaos.

We're glad to have you with us. Sorry you had a rough Christmas - but here's where all those bad times can end. You have so much to look forward to. Congratulations on making the right decision.

Paddler

I love your quotes. Very inspiring. If I keep going the way I have been I don't think I'll be around in 20 years. If I am, I'll be very lonely.

ChipAwayBoy

Congrats to a great beginning Paddler. Just finished my third day of sobriety. This is a great place to share your thoughts and feelings. I've found that sharing on this site provides me with great motivation, and I learn so much from other's posts.