Melanomagirl

Ugh! This was my first serious attempt to quit drinking. I was almost to 30 days and I blew it! I turned 40 and celebrated with 2 glasses of champagne. Not too bad...but it broke my zero tolerance. That was on the 21st and now I've had wine every night since. I feel defeated. I failed and that's what I thought would happen. I want to start over but I'm not 100% motivated. Do I fight again or just give in to the temptation? It's so hard....and not to mention embarassing that I failed. I'd love any encouragement or advice. This is all the support I have...AA isn't an option right now bc I can't make the meetings.

avocado

you have not failed. you've barely begun. few serious drinkers quit on that first try. you might not be at the peak, but you're a little farther up the hill than when you began. don't give up, and don't be discouraged. if you want it, you will eventually succeed.

Xune

You made a concious choice to consume alcohol.

Why do you suppose you made that choice and what will you do so as to avoid making that choice in the future?

If you choose to not have that first drink, you will never consume alcohol again...ever.

Dee74

Hi mel girl

I'm sorry you drank...and I'm sorry you're stuck in the apathy doldrums.
My advice is act act act...even if it's the last thing you want to do..

I've wasted months, years even, by just going with the post Xmas flow.
Life's too short for that.

You can get back on the right road, but no one else will lead you there, y'know?

Reconnect again with the Class of December...& think of other things you can do - is a recovery group like AA or one of the non 12 step alternatives an option?

D

Melanomagirl

I'll join the Dec group and try to connect more with some people. I'd love an AA support group but since I can't make the meetings I'm guessing its not possible. Does the Big Book explain how to work the steps? I think I drank because I simply let mg guard down and thought I could just have a drink that one night. Ha what a lie! I start each day wanting to start over but then at night I say screw it and have wine...

Xune

Now that you know for certain that that is not possible for you to have one drink, what do you intend to do about it, so that you never have that first drink again?

Dee74

Sorry - I forget why you can't make the meetings, but if that's a cast iron non negotiable problem, there is online AA (as well as online SMART)

could be worth a try?

D

Tres

Hi melanoma girl! Do you know someone with melanoma? I'm a melanoma nurse. I just passed my 13th month sober. If I can do it, so can you.

Your posts above sound just like me...guilt, apathy....more wine. Stick with it and you will succeed.

Tell me about your name...melanoma is scary.

mytime66

Just because you had a setback does not mean you failed. Make the decision to stay sober and stick with it "one day at a time " you can do it you just have to put it in front of everything else to begin with. Then work a program. Each one of us has had to start at day one.

Melanomagirl

Xune, you practice tough love. I like it. Makes me want to whine like a baby, get a little p o'ed and then bust my butt and quit. I guess I have to admit I really can't drink ever again. Crap. But there are more important things to life

Dee, I always love your replies!! AA is simply too far and I homeschool our htree kids so I don't have a lot of free time. I'd love to find something online!

Tres, Congrats on 13 months! Where are you a nurse? I had stage III melanoma 5 yrs ago. It's a scary cancer! Totally surprised me but God has been good!! I've been cancer free ever since first diagnosed. Now I just need to kick the wine habit!

Xune

I like to help with my words...when I can.

I also had melanoma, stage 1 and have had no recurrences since it's discovery 4 years ago.

It was a scary time waiting to find out how far along it was. I was very fortunate to have caught it so early. ( I can thank my wife for that!)

With better choices, you can do this.

I was drinking anywhere from 50 to 65 large cans of beer a week + drinking in the bars.

I stopped, so can you.

Pondlady

I quit all alcohol, but wine was my thing, in June. It helped me to change my routine, do something different when I usually drank. With three children and a second chance with melanoma , you've got so much to live a healthy life for.

veryready

Hey sorry you drank but great job getting back here and putting an end to it. I remember you from the Nov thread. You always had good things to say. I was just reading over there and someone was just writing that they are thinking they would like to get drunk today. I hope they are reading new threads. Thanks for posting this.

Delilah1

Glad you came back and posted. I was also a big fan of wine, and like you one glass led to one too many. I work full time and have three kiddos also so I can relate to your hectic life. I have pieced together my own program, I use SR as my main support, logging on daily kept me accountable in the beginning and now it keeps me motivated.

I still see a counselor once or twice a month depending on schedules and have been doing lots of exercise and reading. Today is day 76 for me which is by far the most son time I have had since 16 other than my pregnancies.

You were able to get 30 days, and those are the hardest, you can start again.

DogMum

To me this is the most important message.

LadyinBC

You are only a failure if you give up. We have to fight for sobriety, it's a battle within ourselves. No one said it was going to be easy. And it is worth it in the end, we are all worth saving. You had almost 30 days. No one can take those sobers days away from you. Try to focus on what kept you going on those days.

renaldo

I'm sorry to hear of your Melanoma, but glad you recovered. I guess I'm pretty ignorant about it and you can die. I know 2 people who had chunks of their body removed, but they continued to live and never mentioned anything about feeling under the weather.

I sunbathed as a teenager and now at the age of 49 I've got white spots on my arms. I'm told that they're not going to go away. I wouldn't be surprised if exposure to the sun is even more toxic today. I avoid it and wouldn't dream of sunbathing these days. That's how I keep my lily white complexion. It's better than cancer.

My sister is a sun worshiper. It's hard for me to understand, but it's not the only self destructive behavior she engages in. She hates being indoors. I have no idea where that came from, but I have a friend who's like that too. Spending time alone is something he's just not interested in. He attributes it to a dysfunctional childhood in an unhappy household, so I guess that makes sense. He's very gregarious.

I was left to my own devices, so being alone is no big whoop for me.

Xune

If caught too late and it spreads, Melanoma is unfortunately one of the most deadly cancers a person can get.

Caught early, it is a cancer with one of the highest rates of remission. You do however have to be vigilant have your body checked over semi-annually or annually by a dermatologist for the rest of your life.

Anna

As others have said, I think it's important to know why you decided to take that first drink. If you were listening to your addict voice, then you have learned that it wants to win and it will continue to speak to you, as long as you are willing to listen. Once you learn to recognize it and dismiss it, things will become much easier.

Squizz

Alcoholics drink. That's what we do, and that's what you did. No sense in beating yourself up over it. You can't change your past. But you certainly *can* change your future. Alcoholism is *not* a moral issue. It's an illness. And I'd *strongly* suggest finding a way to get to AA meetings. You will find the hope and encouragement at those meetings that you are seeking here. Except you will find it face-to-face.

Just my $0.02.