Aleksandra

Hi Everybody,
I'm so pleased to have found my way to here!We have an adult son who relapsed 2days ago ,after a long period of sobriety.We were surprised and terribly upset as he had his life together,bought a small business and seemed the happiest for years.He lives very close should I "rescue"him and go and see him or wait till he comes over .Yesterday he was not drinking most of the day (Christ mas day) but did not come over last night as arranged.Any advice would be so welcome.love to all.

Coldfusion

Is he looking for help at all? Or maybe even willing to go along with an idea that might work?

AA is the thing that has worked for me. I have quit before, but never for so long or with such commitment.

Aleksandra

Thanks Coldfusion,he has done AA before without a lot of success ,but I will suggest he tries again.

Dee74

Hi Aleksandra - welcome.

I'm sorry for your situation.

I know for me, when I was drinking, I had to rescue myself - I had to admit the problem and find my own way out....

any other well meaning help I got before that point I was liable to either ignore, or twist to my own advantage to keep doing what I wanted to do.

Do express your concern, but go in with eyes wide open - please understand that the ball is your sons court, not yours.

Have you checked out our Family and Friends forums? I encourage you to do that as well as here - you'll find a lot of support down there as well, from people who've 'been there'

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

sugarbear1

what are you doing for you?

are you attending al anon?

Aleksandra

Thank you so much to all who replied.All valuable advice !I am constantly amazed at the kindness of people who do not even know me but all of us have a common wish to stop the hurt of drugs and alcohol.:

LadyinBC

Have to agree with Dee, people have to rescue themselves.

Db1105

I suggest you contact your local Al-Anon group. My parents started going when I was 16. I got sober a year later. They both continued to go over 30 years until my father passed away. My Mom has a hard time getting to meetings now but still goes occasionally.

Coldfusion

We know how horrible the pain is for the alcoholic and the family. And it is totally preventable.

I have been to Nelson--you Kiwis are hard drinkers, but also you have a strong sense of unity and fellowship. (I competed athletically in NZ. It was tough.) You will find people at Al-Anon and AA ready to help you.

YVRguy

I guess I can join the voices saying the alcoholic has to initiate the change. For me I had to surrender and accept that everything I tried had failed to work except a honest and earnest go at AA. I had to do that myself and lost a lot along the way but as long as I was drinking , I was powerless to stop except for short periods of time.

He will have to rescue himself but you can be supportive and please do get support for yourself. Al-Anon is a great resource.

TrixMixer

Hi Aleksandra,

May I ask how long was he sober?

......and he found a reason to get sober once before maybe for that same reason he will do it again.

Unfortunately he is an adult and as all here have said everyone has to find their own way to sobriety in order for it to have a chance.

Stay here in SR for some advice and support from some great people. It may help your heart be a little lighter while waiting for that 'New Day"

Wishing you and yours peace and commitment in 2013,
TrixMixer:ghug3

Aleksandra

Thank you again to all,I know in my head he has to rescue himself but my heart says otherwise.He is a long term alcoholic ,used to be much worse and end in hospital ,but the last few years mostly sober but binges for a few days about once a year,so he has come a long way.We are so proud of the distance he has come from being drunk on a daily basis,to only relapsing occasionally ,just don't want him to blow it.We have had a crazy year as we come from Christchurch ,where our city and home were destroyed by earthquakes ,we became very close as the three of us lived together until a week ago when he got a flat about 2mins away.,he would have stayed with us permanently but we felt at 40 he should not be living with parents.....

Dee74

I understand the heart and head being in conflict....but everytime someone bailled me out (whether it be with money, shelter, sympathy or whatever) it just reinforced my belief that the way of life I was leading was, at some basis, still tenable.

I'd really encourage you to at least look at the alanon NZ link
http://www.al-anon.org.nz/

D