Pondlady

Sitting by the fire in my jammies , dogs all sacked out, reflecting on our Christmas. I read one of Dee’s posts, that said it wasn’t till his second sober Christmas that he really enjoyed himself....and I think there may be truth for me in that.

On the surface, everything was picture perfect with my Christmas....decorations, presents, food and family. So why do I feel a bit flat and blue? I’ve been in a second marriage for 8 1/2 years. Being sober this year, I FELT, the stress and strain of me trying to make the blended family thing work. I retreated several times to my room to rest and think. I let go of trying to make things like they “used to be” for my daughters, and didn’t go bonkers trying to make hubby’s side of the family adore me. Still in all, I felt the strain.

I did not drink one drop of alcohol.....even picking out different glasses for myself, so as to not accidentally sip from someone else's glass. I’m very proud of myself for not drinking, even when I felt stressed. Drinking won’t fix any problems. Whatever our Christmas was, I felt it and didn’t hide from it. It wasn’t perfect and it wasn’t terrible. Might change some things up next year.....think I’d like to volunteer on Christmas day....get out of myself and help others.

lilgolden73

PL...you have helped me out so much on here with your posts!! I'm glad to have gotten to know you and I think your volunteering idea sounds great!

instant

well done. Xmas can bring such mixed emotions- you did right

Hevyn

Hey Kim. I definitely agree that the second one is better. I was so stressed about not drinking for my first one, I never really relaxed. It was a nice day, but the joy was missing. Subsequent years have been much better. I think you'll find it to be more fun and relaxing next year.

I'm grateful to be sober, but melancholy on the holidays. I agree with you that changes may be in order. I might join you in celebrating in a different way - and I need to stop trying to duplicate past traditions and forcing things to be wonderful.

Congratulations on your sober Christmas, Kim. I know what hard work it is. You did great.

lilgolden73

I think I wanted everything to be the same as well, but it can't be and never will be again!! I am trying to adjust to the "New Normal" that my life now is, it is a slow painful process

Hevyn

Yes, Lola - that's it exactly. We can do it, though.

lilgolden73

Thanks Hevyn (love the name) I know without a doubt now that I can....but that doesnt make it an easier experience...just gives me alot of confidence!

Pondlady

Yes, I think changes are in order next year....and I look forward to them. It just felt kind of empty trying to "chase" the old traditions. A mix of some traditions, along with new ones sound good to me.

TTBABP

I agree with this wholeheartedly as I have had the same feelings as you this Christmas. It wasn't terrible but it wasn't great. I am making a chnage in myself so so perhaps it is time for at least some change in the Christmastime routine. Thanks!

FreeFall

Also sitting in a quiet house reflecting on Christmas. I felt happy with all that I had accomplished to make it special, but also feel kind of blue. Mom has Alzheimers and each year I see her memory fade more, so the special gifts don't really have the meaning to her that I'd hoped. Chasing traditions was a really good way to describe it. I'm trying to keep the old but am missing so many family that have passed on or are far away.

I'm so glad that I was sober this Christmas in particular. The Newtown tragedy has been on my mind constantly and I think being sober has helped me to process it and see that the Christmas spirit is alive and well in all the beautiful memorials and tributes to the families. Had I been drinking there would have been a lot of drinking to numb it all away and I would have been a mess.

I like your idea of volunteering Pondlady-may look into that myself. Good job on staying sober during a stressful day. I think the only perfect Christmas is on a Lifetime movie or Hallmark commercial...

Dee74

I think you're on the right track Kim - I enjoy Christmas a lot more now I'm comfortable with being me, y'know....

that first one I was still jumping at shadows, wondering what people were thinking, was I bringing people down, would someone ask me if I wanted to drink, or why I stopped... it was like wondering when the trap door was gonna open LOL.

I can imagine that hosting Xmas brings with it a whole other level of that kind of inner dialogue too.

I'm sure everyone enjoyed themselves tho

D

Delilah1

I was the only adult not drinking today, and it was definitely a little weird. My BIL who is one of my very favorite inlaws told me he was proud of me and asked how I was feeling. I was honest, I told him physically I felt great, but it has been hard, especially watching everyone else drink. He just turned 50 and he told me he knows he needs to change his habits and he is inspired by choice to stop (he of all people knows how much I enjoyed wine, since between the two of us we kept many of the California wineries in the black). Anyway, it was a great day with the kids, hope next year the not drinking will just be my normal.

Pondlady

Delilah, Your BIL sounds pretty cool I have a great friend who I used to enjoy drinking wine with. He and his partner visited us ( they live in NM) last Spring, while I was still drinking wine - in fact I bought an entire case for their week end visit! He too was proud of me when I quit......some months later, he quit too!! Good friendships evolve

Fandy

i had my 2nd sober christmas this time...it was relatively stress free. i just seem to adjust better to any changes and not get all worked up in a froth....things always change whether you are sober or not. you can't make people like you and if they have expectations, it is all on them.

I went out to family for dinner, made contributions with cooking and appetizers, appreciated the company and came home happy...(with no extra cake, boohoo but i did not need it).

i have the option of working today or taking a vacation day. I am going to work and feel well physically.

you have been under tremendous stress this last few weeks with your daughter, too, i think you did fine and i hope your husband's family realizes how much you do.