Junebugapril

I've been sober now for 38 days. This forum helped me a lot! I've been attending AA meetings, but not going through the steps...until now. Just this week I got a sponsor. I waited to get a sponsor until I knew the fit was just right, and I found someone to sponsor me who I really like.

We are on Step 1. My problem is that I really don't feel powerless over alcohol, and my life is not completely unmanageable.

But I did drink a whole bottle of wine, every night. I knew I had a drinking problem, and needed to stop.

I have never tried to cut down. I knew it would be better just to stop drinking completely. My parents didn't drink much. I didn't drink until I passed out. I have never blacked out, gotten a DUI, or gotten into any kind of trouble.

I took an online tests, and the result was "Your drinking habits may be unhealthy or unsafe at times. Limit how much you drink, or quit altogether."

I really want to do the steps and continue to go to AA as an insurance policy. I want to make sure I don't drink again.

What do I do if it was relatively easy for me to stop drinking?

I did have cravings for a week or so, but now I barely notice not drinking. I don't feel like my life was completely hopeless, unmanageable, and I was not powerless over alcohol. I was increasing my drinking, and starting earlier, but I was able to manage it by quitting drinking. So how do I do Step 1?

Grateful to you for your feedback.
Thank you,
JunebugApril

sugarbear1

"I waited to get a sponsor until I knew the fit was just right, and I found someone to sponsor me who I really like."

Now is the time to work with this sponsor. I am hoping you have a sponsor who has had a spiritual awakening as a result of working the steps. Now start talking!

Start getting brutally honest with yourself, now that you have some sober time put together, it's time to get seriously working those steps!

My sponsor and I discussed this step together......

Tamerua

Hey Junebug, I think we may be similar in experience. I have a great job, just bought a house, never had legal troubles, etc. I can recognize that if I kept going the way I was, it would have made my life unmanageable. I also was drinking more than 1 bottle of wine on the weekends (didn't normally touch it during the week). But maybe that is how to approach it? By the potential?

Fernaceman

From big book story "It might have been worse" pages 353-354:

Early the next morning a man whose name I knew well, a lawyer, called on me. Within thirty minutes I knew A.A. was the answer for me. We visited most of that day and I attended a meeting that night. I don't know what I expected, but I most certainly didn't realize a group of people talking about their drinking problems, making light of their personal tragedies, and at the same time enjoying themselves.

However, after I heard a few stories of jails, sanitariums, broken homes, and skid row, I wondered if I really was an alcoholic. After all, I hadn't started to drink early in life, so I had some stability and maturity to guide me for a while. My responsibilities had been a restraining influence. I had no brushes with the law, though I should have had many. I had not yet lost my job or family, even though both were on the verge of going. My financial standing had not been impaired.

Could I be an alcoholic without some of the hair-raising experiences I had heard of in meetings? The answer came to me very simply in the first step of the Twelve Steps of A.A. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable." This didn't say we had to be in jail, ten, fifty, or one hundred times. It didn't say I had to lose one, five, or ten jobs. It didn't say I had to lose my family. It didn't say I had to finally live on skid row and drink bay rum, canned heat, or lemon extract. It did say I admitted I was powerless over alcohol-that my life had become unmanageable.

Most certainly I was powerless over alcohol, and for me, my life had become unmanageable. It wasn't how far I had gone, but where I was headed. It was important to me to see what alcohol had done to me and would continue to do if I didn't have help.

At first it was a shock to realize to realize I was an alcoholic, but the realization that there was hope made it easier. The baffling problem of getting drunk when I had every intention of staying sober was simplified. It was a great relief to know I didn't have to drink any more.

I was told that I must want sobriety for my own sake, and I am convinced this is true. There may be many reasons that bring one to A.A. for the first time, but the lasting one must be to want sobriety and the A.A. way of living for oneself.

Pages 353-355 actually.

Sorry for the long post, but this came to mind when I read your initial post Junebug.

Have a Merry Christmas.

FeelingGreat

Hi Junebug, if you really want to go the AA route, maybe you could focus on the fact that you didn't see an option of cutting down. You had to stop completely. To me this implies that alcohol was controlling one aspect of your life, even if you were holding the other parts together. You obviously have enough grounding to stop at that point, rather than let it develop further.
My situation was almost exactly the same as yours; bottle of wine a night, good relationships, excellent job, own my own home etc. I don't doubt that I would have permanently damaged my health if I'd continued though, and I think it would have gotten a lot worse.
I don't do AA because I'm not comfortable with the HP concept, and the language of the 12 steps doesn't describe my situation as I see it.

Junebugapril

Thank you all for these amazing responses!

Fernaceman, I am going to read the rest of that chapter in the Big Book. My sponsor did tell me that there were stories in the Big Book of people that had a "high bottom" as she called it. She must have forgotten, she said she would find them for me, so thank you for doing it!

FeelingGreat, so you are not doing 12-steps. I get it, the higher power thing is something I also have trouble with. How did you get sober, and more importantly, how have you managed to stay sober? Just this forum?

Tam, maybe that is a way to approach it. I feel like my alcoholism was more of a ticking time bomb. I had the potential for my life to fall apart if I kept on drinking the way I did. It just had not happened. Yet!

Unmanageable. What I could not manage was that I was drinking too much. I never made an effort to cut down my drinking. Perhaps if I had tried to cut down and couldn't manage it, that could have been seen as unmanageable.

Powerless. Nope, I wasn't powerless.

However, there is one more thing I didn't tell you about. Forty years ago, I got Hepatitis. I was sick as a dog with it, in the hospital for two weeks. About ten years ago, my doctor told me that it had been Hepatitis C. The virus was still in my bloodstream, even though I have no symptoms. I went to a specialist, got tested, and there is no liver damage. They do want me to take drugs to get the remaining virus out of my system. The doctor I went to said I could have up to two glasses of wine per day.

I changed doctors, and he said I can not drink at all. Not one drop. This was three days after I had already stopped drinking.

Even so, I had been drinking a bottle of wine a night. That's five glasses. Somehow I talked myself into thinking that five glasses of wine a night was pretty close to two glasses.

Does that qualify as unmanageable or powerless?

tomsteve

there is a section of stories in the BB under "they stopped in time." read the inrto to the section.

were you able to have one or 2 drinks and walk away without it bothering you?
could you manage you drinking?

mfanch

My sponsor says:

I don't have to like it.
I don't have to agree with it.
I don't have to think it's a good idea.
I just have to DO it.

I am very self-made and my grandiosity and arrogance made me over-analyze step one to the point of leaving AA and staying out there 20 more years...till alcohol took all I had and nearly killed me. THEN I could clearly see the truth of step one. I wasn't done till I was done, though.

Sounds like you may not be done, yet. Or maybe you are. Good luck.

Junebugapril

I'll find that story and read it, thanks!

Nope, I was definitely not able to have one or two drinks and walk away. I drank wine while preparing dinner. I drank during dinner. Then after dinner, until the bottle was empty.

I am not sure how to answer the question, "Could you manage your drinking?".

I didn't try to manage it. I never tried to cut down or stop, I just accepted how much I drank, if that makes sense.

Junebugapril

Perhaps I am over-analyzing Step One, too. I don't want to make the mistake of leaving AA.

My sponsor asked me today "What group have you felt like you belonged to"? It really hit home... I am not really a "group" person. I don't think I ever really felt like a member of a group, except my family with my parents and sisters, and my own family with my two kids.

Thanks for these replies. This is making me work on the answer to this, it is exactly what I needed.

mfanch

Plus the BB talks about our unmanageable INNER world, not just the polished, beautiful OUTER. I had all the external plates spinning on sticks perfectly. Inside emotional serenity? Not so much. It was a facade.

D.on't
E.ven
N.o
I
A.m
L.ying

Maybe consider stopping thinking and diving in. What do you have to lose?

sugarbear1

step 1--I can't drink, I can't be concerned about other people (not now, not yet, I'm here to save my life through some action working the steps of AA)

step 2--Willingness to work the steps

step 3--Make a Decision to work the steps with honesty and throroughness

steps 4-9--the actions steps, after working these steps, many people have a spiritual awakening or experience, we do have relief and freedom

steps 10-12--Maintanance steps to keep staying stopped, an insurance plan

I used to drink one day at a time, today I stay stopped one day at a time.

Action helps us live without needing to drink to make it through the day so we can say we came to believe in a power greater than us and to carry the message of hope to others who suffer.

Junebugapril

Sugarbear, that would definitely work for me. I'm going to run it by my sponsor!! I have a feeling she won't like it

paul99

Sounds like a few things going on. It comes across as wanting to have it both ways - leaving a back door open by rationalizing and protecting your drinking (wasn't that bad, etc) and then using AA as some sort of back up plan. It doesn't quite work that way, in my opinion. AA is not insurance. It's a manner of living that not only relieves the obsession of the mind to drink, but to root out the causes and conditions that brought us to the bottle and be of maximum service to others. Simple not easy. But it works, if we are honest, open-minded and willing...and do the work.

As mentioned here, we don't have to be swilling cooking sherry from a paper bag in a ditch somewhere to have an unmanageable life. The externals - DUI, lost jobs, broken relationships...are all manifestations and direct results of drinking alcohol and using alcohol as a coping mechanism. Alcohol is our solution, not our problem. So the unmanageable part in the inside stuff - the feelings, the anxiety, the inability to handle things. The stuff that brings us to a drink. THAT is the unmanageability. My life can be unmanageable without alcohol in my life.

If you weren't powerless over alcohol, then you would be able to stop after 1 or 2. You could leave some in the glass without feeling odd. You would be fine not having any alcohol for a few days or even weeks without thinking about it non-stop. If you weren't powerless over alcohol, you wouldn't be in AA with a sponsor and talking about it here. You would have a glass of wine with dinner and then go about your evening without thinking about polishing the bottle off, and thinking about your next bottle.

But in the end, you have a sponsor who's job is to take you through this work, assuming she has done the same. I am not sure why you would think that your sponsor wouldn't like what sugarbear has outlined? It's stuff right out of the big book.

Regardless, take this with you sponsor - that is the point of a sponsor - working the steps and answering your questions to the best of their ability.

Good luck!

sugarbear1

when you drink, can you predict what will happen?

can you stop at just one drink?

how does this work in your life?

are you done drinking?

Veritas1

I would look at it like this.

Can you admit that you were powerless and your life was unmanageable as the step reads?

When you drank wine daily...was that your choice? ... or could it be that your life was unmanageable, and you were powerless to resist alcohol's demands to drink daily?

Did you ever promise yourself you would not drink wine that night, and drank anyway?

I can tell from reading how you described daily wine drinking, and how it was enough to make you realize you needed to stop.

That to me describes that you admitted you were powerless and that your life was unmanageable.

I think your post described step one.

One final thought...I wouldn't get stuck on "how easy it was to quit"...

I found it easy to quit many, many times....I just could not stay stopped.

Veritas1

Yes

Junebugapril

Wow. You guys, I am just blown away. Thank you. I am finding answers here, because of your thoughtfulness, that I could not have found on my own. And thank you to the people who messaged me, this is just wonderful!

Sugarbear, my sponsor, as I feared, did not like the alternate steps. She said "Do what you believe is best for you. This is not the program that I work. Why don't you see if there is somebody who can help you work this program. I like the way that you are a seeker."

Sigh.

I hope to talk to her later today and see if we can work this out. I am very thankful to have a sponsor, but if she doesn't want to do it, I'll be okay.

This forum has been incredible. You all are amazing. I hope that at some point I can give back for all you have given me.

Veritas, thank you so much for messaging me! You asked me:

Can you admit that you were powerless and your life was unmanageable as the step reads?
When you drank wine daily...was that your choice? ... or could it be that your life was unmanageable, and you were powerless to resist alcohol's demands to drink daily?
Did you ever promise yourself you would not drink wine that night, and drank anyway?I think I almost have it. Thank you again.
JunebugApril

sugarbear1

I did NOT give you "alternate steps," I explained to you what those steps are in very simple terms.

Working WITH a sponsor is what you need to be doing so you can fully understand what the steps are and how to work through them. There is more, so much more to these steps than the way they are read as they are in past tense---what we've done, not what we do.....

Work with that sponsor and fully understand the steps!

Step one was a discussion of powerlessness and unmanageablility as related to my drinking.

Step 2, are you willing to believe or are you willing to set aside your old beliefs that a power greater than you might exist? This is in the big book; a very simplistic version. And so on.....

I worked the steps that are in the big book.

sugarbear1

You kept drinking, daily, and yet you don't see anything powerless or unmanageable about that?

Alcoholism has little to do with drinking. Seriously. Alcohol was but a symptom.

Can you live without drinking?